Hi.....Evelyn asked me in a previous post about my brother's denial.   I
don't think he will ever realize how dementia works.   After so many years
of dealing with our mother he still doesn't get it.   I was so frustrated
with him on Sunday.   I went to my grandson's little league game and here
comes my brother with my mother in tow.   Mom is 87 now and like a 4 year
old.   The temperature was 92 degrees.   He did bring an umbrella for her
but still if she were in her right mind, she wouldn't have been there.   I
gave him the lecture about Mom's age and the temperature.  He moved her to
the shade and got her drinks and a sandwich.   He really tries to do the
right thing which is why its so hard deal with his lack of empathy for her.
Then after the game he asked her if she wanted to go to the beach with him
and my daughter's family.  I looked at him and said it's too hot for her to
go to the beach. Plus I knew he wouldn't watch her because he had his 2 jet
skis with him.   I took her back to her assisted living apartment which was
just a mile away and she didn't make it in time to go to the bathroom.   She
doesn't really understand using restrooms in strange places and in hind
sight I should have taken her even though she said she didn't need to go.
Since he doesn't understand dementia I thought maybe he would understand
incontinence. I called and told him about her mishap and that she really
doesn't always understand using the restroom.  I also told him that if he
continued to take her to public places for more than an hour, he would
probably have to deal with some messy problems.  Last week all of her slacks
and most of her underwear were in the laundry and she has many, many pairs
especially underwear.  She's starting to have incontinence problems now.
This got his attention.  He said that she would wonder off in the grocery
store and he couldn't understand why she wouldn't stay in one place when he
asked her to.   I wanted to reach thru the phone and thump him upside the
head.  Now he says that perhaps maybe he would only take her out to dinner
and to his house.   I told him that sounded like a good idea.  He's so good
about visiting her and helping with things, but he expects her to make small
decisions.  She agrees to anything he suggests which isn't always in her
best interest.  Like the baseball game and going to the beach.   She would
have gone to the beach if I hadn't been there.
I'm going on vacation for a week (tomorrow) and he's going to do her laundry
and go over to visit her a few extra days to cover the days that I usually
go over to see her.  He spends a lot of time with her which makes it harder
to understand why he doesn't get it.
Meanwhile when I get back I'm going to start checking into a another
placement where they have the two levels of care for dementia patients.
When the time comes that she can't deal with her incontinence, she can't
stay in her independent assisted living apartment.  I need to get prepared
for what's to come......June