pyrocrasticfro" <oskins@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:1180484218.807561.81040@p77g2000hsh.googlegroups.com...

My MIL has an appointment tomorrow for a 'volunteer tour and
orientation' at the adult daycare center. Following that, she will
attend her first 4-hour trial visit then attend one day per week. My own
tour of the center last week was wonderful, reassuring and quite
impressive. Not one of my preconceived notions were even slightly true.
At dinner tonight, we told my MIL that the local rehab hospital had a
kind of club for seniors who need assistance (true enough). We said that
she has an appointment for a volunteer tour tomorrow (absolutely true)
and that she will be able to volunteer one day per week while I continue
my school (half true). We said the volunteer job is pleasant and easy.
She wasn't happy and immediately lost her appetite for the rest of
dinner. She asked if there were a place to nap. I assured her that this
place highly values their senior volunteers and they do provide a
comfortable and quiet place to nap (true). She was silent for several
minutes then asked, "Why did you pick me?" I honestly answered, "Because
I know you are a sweet, kind and giving person. When I heard of this
opportunity, I thought immediately of you. They have such a need for
someone like you and I knew that you would want to help."
I will be writing the checks for the daycare center out of my MIL's
checkbook. She hasn't been able to manage her finances for several years
now. But she keeps her checkbook in her purse and looks at the ledger
frequently, reading it aloud but not really understanding what it means.
I'm sure she'll notice the checks written to the daycare center and will
ask me about it. How have you all handled things like this?
There is one other thing that happened this past week that I wanted to
tell you about. My MIL brought the dog to me to take its collar off. She
was sitting directly across from me, about 6 feet away. I called the dog
to come to me. But my MIL, pointing toward the other room, kept telling
the dog to "Go in there, she's calling you!" I say "Grandma, I'm right
here! Grandma? Grandma! Look this way! Grandma, I'm sitting right here
in front of you!" She looks straight at me and makes eye contact-but
seems confused. She gets up and starts for the other room. I call after
her, "Grandma! Come back! I'm right here!" She calls out "Where are
you?" When she finally comes back from the other room, she sees me and I
tell her again that I'm right here. She kind of nods-but that look of
confusion remains. It seemed as if she looked at me but didn't see me.
She could hear my voice but couldn't connect it with my physical body
(or didn't recognize me). This only happened once but I thought I'd
mention it to get your thoughts on it.
I'll let you know how the day goes tomorrow. Thanks for listening...
just being able to occasionally 'tell my tale' helps immensely. diane

Diane,
my mother goes to daycare once a week, she always complains about it
---said it is boring and nothing but old people are there----I told her
I have to go to work and cannot leave her home when I cannot be there.
she said the people were nice and the food is awful!!! but I have
learned to tune it out and let her complain until next week. I need the
respite for me. Then I have volunteers from church and senior centers
that come to give me a few hrs respite during the other days.
as for check book, ID cards, ect I have them all ----she doesn't even
miss them as I pay all her bills with the checks and daycare also.
Expect her to complain but let her she will forget it until the next
time good luck.!!!!
JJ

Omigoodness yes!  I forgot about that part.

My mother in law used to give away her jewelry at daycare, and even would
try to barter it to get someone to take her "home".... which was more than
100 miles away from here, in a house she didn't own anymore.    We kept it
up (empty) for about 3 years, but finally had to sell it.  (No miracle was
going to come along and save her from Alzheimers disease).

And Mary is right about the money too.  No matter how much money she had in
her wallet, she'd give it away too and come home with none, whether it was
$80.00 or $5.00.

My mother has a debit card in her purse, but she doesn't know the PIN
number.  I don't worry about her losing her purse because she won't let
go of it when she's out.

Wed, May 30, 2007, 7:43pm (PDT-1) From: NO_SPAM_TO_dpharris@gci.net
(Dennis P. Harris)

that's especially true for doing things they may not like or may avoid,
whether it's bathing (where sensory overload and sequential steps are
the problems), doctor visits, or going to day care.
life, as you will find out, is much simpler when you don't tell them
they will be going somewhere or doing something until it's time to get
ready to do it.

Amen to that !!!! I finally learned the hard way, now I don't tell her
anything any more until the last min--I would tell her we are going to
get her hair done which is true !!! the day care has a hair dresser
there so she gets her hair done, or I have been letting her caregiver
take her for me as mom complains if I am to drop her off, seems like she
won't say any thing to a stranger. so she goes without complaining. I
just hear about it when I pick her up. Then I tell her I was at work all
day.