JJ, it is very normal.  Do NOT feel guilty about the way you feel.
Gwen
 I sometimes feel guilty of wishing mom would go home and be at peace. I
 know she must be frustrated about having to live like this and I am too.
 I want to get a life again. I hope it is normal feelings on my part to
 think like this.
 JJ

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Hey JJ - I think those feelings are totally normal.

We felt that way too about my MIL, particularly as the illness
progressed and her quality of life began to nosedive. She was fairly
self aware, and totally miserable as her life collapsed around her.

Then in her final two years of lingering in Stage 7 (incontinent,
bedridden, not able to talk, not able to feed herself or do anything
etc.) we desperately hoped for a release for her from the twilight
zone she'd landed in. It was her worst nightmare come true - not dead,
but not really alive either. We felt so guilty about actively praying
for death to come.

If you care about someone, its terrible to see them declining and
unhappy and hating their dependency - it would be one thing if AD was
like other diseases, and the miserable part was relatively short -
with AD the burden for both them and you goes on and on and on. It
gets more and more lonely for the caregiver as well, since the person
you love leaves you behind long before their body gives out.

M

 I sometimes feel guilty of wishing mom would go home and be at peace. I
 know she must be frustrated about having to live like this and I am too.
 I want to get a life again. I hope it is normal feelings on my part to
 think like this.
 JJ

 Hi JJ,

 No guilt allowed on this newsgroup!   Your feelings are not only normal for the situation, they are actually a wish for her own peace and benefit.   Living with a terrible illness like that is not a good thing, and it only makes normal common sense to recognize it.  

 My mother in law said she wished god would take her home so many times, and she'd ask why was she still here and still alive?   I told her that nobody knew these things, but when the time was right she would leave.   Till then she should enjoy what she had of life.  

 Not that she remembered a word of it,.... but I remember the conversation well.

 --
 Best Regards,

 Evelyn

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According to my own doc and to everything I've read, not only is it
normal to feel as you do, it would be abnormal if you didn't.  And
that's reassuring to me, too, because I often think the Dowager must be
as tired as can be of what she's going through now.

Blessed be,
Baird

JJ - from your posts, it's clear you love your mother and want the best for
her.  Nothing unusual about that, millions of emotionally healthy people the
world over feel the same about the special people in their lives.

AD and other forms of dementia gradually remove the possibility of having
"the best" for our loved ones.  To regret that, to wish for that to be over,
to regain a wider scope for your own life is not anything to feel guilty
about.

Although I mostly lurk here, I find this group is a wonderful source of
support and a very healthy outlet for lots of normal feelings.  Share
anytime you feel the need.