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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / April 2007

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Taking the car away

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John Dunn - 14 Apr 2007 03:22 GMT
What has been everyone experience on having to taking the car away from
someone with Alzheimer's?  We recently need to take my mom's car away from
her at her doctors request.  She has not had an accident, but we all believe
it was just a matter of time before she has an accident, get lost or hurts
someone.  Before we took her car away, we all sat with her for 2 hours and
explained what we were going to have to do and that the doctor was revoking
her drivers licenses.  She was obviously upset, crying, etc.  For the past
three day she has asked when she could get her car back and that no one told
her we were taking it away.  Yes, it is frustrating and we are all patient
with her.  Any experience you may have with this or advice would be
appreciated.  We will be attending a support group meeting next week to
further assist us with handling this situation and we as what to expect in
the future.
Dennis P. Harris - 14 Apr 2007 04:57 GMT
> What has been everyone experience on having to taking the car away from
> someone with Alzheimer's?  We recently need to take my mom's car away from
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> explained what we were going to have to do and that the doctor was revoking
> her drivers licenses.  

I just made sure that the Doc and DMV did it, not me.  Even
though I ghost wrote the letter for the doc.

She will keep forgetting that her license was cancelled for
medical reasons, and you will have to keep remininding her.  You
need to get used to being asked the same question over and over.
As her memory becomes more impaired, she will be less and less
able to remember what just happened, though she may remember
things from 50 years ago like it was yesterday (which will, of
course, get her more confused).

Be thankful the Doc did this.  The usual question on this topic
is how do we take away Dad's keys.  Best to sell the car, get it
out of sight so it doesn't remind her of driving.  Don't forget
to go to your DMV and get her a state ID to replace the driver's
license.

Go buy a copy of "The 36 Hour Day" which can tell you some of
things you can expect, and attend that support group.  You'll
find that you're not alone in having to cope with parental
disabilities.

Good luck, and feel welcome to come back and ask questions or
vent.
Strobe - 14 Apr 2007 09:43 GMT
>What has been everyone experience on having to taking the car away from
>someone with Alzheimer's?  We recently need to take my mom's car away from
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]
>further assist us with handling this situation and we as what to expect in
>the future.

Use the force.
Tell her the car needs a little work and it'll be ready next week.    
This should make her happy, and the AD will ensure that by next week
you can safely use the same story again.
Yes, it's a deception, but if it makes her happy and stops her fretting,
there's not only no harm in it but it's actually the best thing _for her_.
Tumbleweed - 14 Apr 2007 13:44 GMT
>>What has been everyone experience on having to taking the car away from
>>someone with Alzheimer's?  We recently need to take my mom's car away from
[quoted text clipped - 19 lines]
> Yes, it's a deception, but if it makes her happy and stops her fretting,
> there's not only no harm in it but it's actually the best thing _for her_.

yep, thats exactly what I was goin to say. remove a component so she cant
start it, tell her it needs some work which is being done next week.

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Tumbleweed

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sweetpickleNO@SPAMknology.net - 14 Apr 2007 18:43 GMT
Strobe, we call that "loving deception" because it does make it easier on
the patient.
Gwen

>>What has been everyone experience on having to taking the car away from
>>someone with Alzheimer's?  We recently need to take my mom's car away from
[quoted text clipped - 19 lines]
> Yes, it's a deception, but if it makes her happy and stops her fretting,
> there's not only no harm in it but it's actually the best thing _for her_.
Alan Meyer - 16 Apr 2007 05:45 GMT
> Strobe, we call that "loving deception" because it does make it easier on the patient.
> Gwen

Being totally inexperienced at the time and not knowing the
right thing to do, my Dad and I argued with my Mom for days
during which she threw one fit after another.

Leaving her to use the car was out of the question.  It would
have just been a matter of time before she killed herself or
someone else or did a lot of property damage, or got
hopelessly lost and in trouble.

When my Dad's turn came many years later, he was already
in assisted living.   My brother and I told him that my brother's
car had just died and he desparately needed another car.  Since
Dad didn't really need one where he was, could he give it, or
at least lend it, to my brother.

That went reasonably well.

   Alan
 
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