the other day I had trouble with her, she was giving me a bad time about
 having the caregiver from hospice come in to bathe her. she told me that
 she can bathe self and not to have these people come here anymore. I
 told okay you can tell them yourself. when the caregiver came she tried
 to ague with her but within a few min she took her bath and then asked
 her to stay and visit. sometimes I feel I don't know what to say to make
 her forget something like the bathing she kept remembering that and knew
 she just didn't want it.
 funny how they can remember what they want and don't want.
 JJ

 JJ The wisest thing to do is to agree with her.   Tell her "OK that lady won't come here anymore."    When the lady comes next time, I guarantee she won't remember the conversation.   Next time she says it, agree with her again.   Let the lady keep coming and you just keep agreeing with her.  She will think it is the first time she told you.  

 She probably can't manage to bathe herself anymore, I'll bet.   My mother in law couldn't either, yet she seemed rational and would tell us that she bathed a couple of times a week.   Yet when we looked at her bathtub, the only one in the house, it had an inch of dust in it, and it was used to store all sorts of stuff.   Our noses told us the rest of the story.  

 When I began to take responsibility for her, we MADE her take a bath the first time and she complained like you wouldn't believe.   But over time, and with kindness and consideration, and a few little tricks, she got to enjoy her bath.   We always had her bathe when she was in the process of getting ready for bed or getting up in the morning.   She was already undressed and it seemed like less of a big deal.  

 You just have to remember that they CAN'T remember.   Agree if it makes her happy.   She won't remember anyway, and your blood pressure will stay cooler too!   It is pointless to try and argue.

 --
 Best Regards,

 Evelyn

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Mary responds:
Be cautious about attributing memory fluctations to anything
deliberate on her part. She has no conscious control over this, even
if may seem like she's doing it on purpose  It IS a normal part of the
disease, just as you have good days and bad days. Anything that
creates stress in her is going to make things worse - so if she's
tired, hungry, upset, sick, overwhelmed - changes in her environment,
a lot of activity - anything that will reduce her ability to cope will
make the memory problems seem more pronounced.

Many caregivers find that timing is everything - so giving a bath when
the person is at their best may reduce the person's resistance. My
mother in law's fluctuations were quite marked - but even a teeny cold
would throw her for a loop. Some days she was pretty good, and others
almost in a stupor. Some days she be okay in the morning and not so
great by nightfall.

Most of us have also had the experience of the person really being not
so great, and then having a couple of hours out of the blue when they
"came back" and were more with it...and then that disappearing just as
fast as it came.

I also found declines would happen just as unpredictably. One week she
could do something, and the next week the ability was gone, never to
return.

Mary