Its amazing how well many people with AD can cover their deficits. My
mother in law was a master at it. She was very pleasant and polite and
could make social conversation to beat the band, even if she had no
idea who the person was. She was also similarly good at it with
friends and family, and managed to fool most of them for a very long
time. She'd talk about the weather, ask how they were, and make a lot
of very vague but nice chit-chat about nothing in particular, and no
one was the wiser she had no idea what was going on.

One of our neighbors, a lady called Gladys Chick (now long deceased,
rest her sweet soul) used to sweep her sidewalk all the time. She'd
known my husband since he was a boy, and when we married we bought his
mother's house, so we lived two doors down from them. I often saw her
and said hello and made some chit chat - and finally the day came when
I knew there was something "off" about her, and she really had no idea
who I was. She was just being pleasant to a stranger. After that, I
used to prompt her (Hi Mrs. Chick, its Mary, John B.'s wife, how are
you today?.

M,

My mother's friend of at least 40 years called her last week.  After a
fairly long conversation, my mother started talking about someone's
sister-in-law whose husband had died.  I realized then, that she thought
her phone friend was another woman she's known for years.  It took over
2 days to get through to her who she actually talked to, but I know it
didn't sink in.

Then, today, she remembered who called AND that she was confused as to
who the person was at the time.  Tomorrow, she'll probably forget again
and argue that the woman never called her.  I'll just say, "Ok, she
didn't call you," and go on with my day.

I understand exactly what you are saying.  I am caring for my mother-
in-law as my husband, (her son), passed away and she actually has no
one else that is willing to help her at this time. She has been with
me for a little over a year now and literally took me about 9 months
to figure out that she pretends most of the time.  She would listen to
me when I'd tell her where her food was, or not to do the laundry or
whatever the case might be, and she say, "Oh, ok.."  "Oh...Ok."  And
she would do exactly as she pleased.  I thought she was just being
stubborn.  We would be having a conversation and somewhere in the
middle of it, I'd realize that she had no clue as to what I was
saying.  But she would always pretend to understand by her shaking her
head yes and always saying the same old, "Oh...yeah...okay then."  But
when one of her old friends calls on the phone, she has this normal
conversation with them.  She suddenly remembers things that she can't
remember here with us any other time.  She does a lot of laughing,
inappropriately, but most of the time, people don't get it.  She'll
say to the caller, "So, how have you been?"  "How are the kids?"  "How
are you feeling?"  "Oh...well, that's good."  "Well, it was so nice to
hear from you."  On and on and on...when she's done with the call,
she'll ask my daughter or me, "I can't remember her name."  "What was
the name of the person that I just talked to?"  But the caller thinks
she is doing great and thinks we're making things up when we share
with them.  She is that good of a pretender.  So, that leads me to
think that she is very aware that she has this problem to go to the
degree of trying to be her best on the phone but going back to being
mentally gone when she hangs up.  She can't even hang up the phone.
She'll push the wrong button and the phone inevitably rings back
here.  We had to turn the ringer off because she was answering the
phone all the time and not telling us that anyone called.  She would
give wrong information to people as well telling them I was gone,
didn't know where I was, and I might be in the bathroom.  When my
granddaughter comes over that's 2 is when things really get bad.  It's
almost as though there is finally someone she can have authority over
and she takes it to the limit.  She'll say, "Put that down right
now."  "Get over here right now."  "You better listen to me."  "I'm
going to spank you if you don't listen to me."  "Get that out of your
mouth."  (Might be Haley's lunch but get it out of your mouth).  " You
better put your shoes on."  "If you were my little girl you'd listen
to me or else."  One time she took her by the shoulders and shook her
real hard.  I have to watch her like a hawk when Haley is here
visiting.  We have a little pug dog and a cat.  She will pet them when
we're watching her and when she thinks we aren't watching, she'll kick
them with her foot.  When I call her on it, she'll say, "I didn't kick
him."  "I just shoved him over like this."  She lays on the couch and
won't let anyone else sit down.  She will move if you ask her to but
only to give you enough room to barely put your bottom there.  She
laughs at us all the time, constantly makes jokes at others expense.
If we are watching something on T.V. that is not one of her favorite
shows, she will call everyone on the T.V. a dummy or crazy or say
they're ugly.  I would watch something like that.  You're crazy. But
if it's her show, she's all in tune to it.  She used to be a Sunday
school teacher and was truly a nice person.  She always had a bit of
sarcasm in her personality.  She would occasionally make jokes at
others expense and I remember a few times getting my feelings hurt
with it but it's nothing like this. She loves putting us down daily.
My daughter was singing in the kitchen the other day and she told
little 2 year old Haley, "Aunt _____ is crazy in the head."  Rolling
her finger around and around her ear.  It's very difficult.  I do a
lot of praying.  If anyone has been through this or has a lot of
experience with Alzheimer's, I would so appreciate hearing from you.
Thank you so much!

My mum also knows everyone on the telly, and people who's photos
appear in newspapers and magazines, in fact it's quite amazing how she
weaves the stories together of when and where WE met them, who they
are related to and how WE've known them for years! At first I used to
try to put her right then say I didn't remember them, but then it was
me who was loosing my memory, now I just play along.
If you believed everything my mum says somewhere, my alter ego is out
there with hers having a much better time and meeting new and
interesting people all the time!

In fact writing this post has helped cheer me up by realising that our
mundane, ordered grasp of reality is quite boring and that having the
ability to exist in your own altered reality state whilst family,
friends, social and health pros jump through hoops to keep you safe
and healthy doesn't have to be so bad