Yup, you've come to the inner sanctum of the club no one wants to
join! The participants have all been caregivers for people with
dementia, family members, or have dementia causing illnesses
themselves. We've got experience with every kind of care option going,
many of us have been through the experience from start to end (our
loved ones have passed on), and we've dealt with every imaginable
behaviour, and difficulty.

Ask away. What's the current challenge? You'll get lots of ideas and
suggestions. Keep your mind open, not every idea is going to suit your
situation, but they are all worth listening to. Sometimes people here
will tell you things that you may not be ready to hear, but its all
worth talking about.

Mary

My mother is living with me since august 2006 when she was so afraid of
some blonde haired woman coming to get her in a white car she was really
shaking,so I brought her to my house. when i got her home i realized
that she had not been eating right, if at all she had not bathed in I
don't know how long she needed constant supervision she would see people
and things that were not there.
  she is doing beter now but her disease is progressing faster. her dr.
has her on paxil and namenda and ambien cr to sleep since she actually
gets a good nights rest her mood is better. she only recognizes my
children because they are here to see her alot she thinks i am her
mother and she is a little girl. She likes daycare she goes once a week
and they paint her nails and she plays bingo and other games she is 81
years old
   she is incontinate and has to be dressed and given a shower she can
no longer even put on her own shoes. I feel for you because this is not
easy and it is heart breaking to have your mother right here but not be
able to enjoy each other like we used to now it's all on a different
level one of my friends told me recently that I had aged ten years
but that comes with the territory  i'm just grateful to be able to do
this for as long as I'm able
sorry to ramble on.

janet tyner

JJ, one of many bits of advice you'll get, remember that now is as good as
it will get, it will get worse,and there will some a time that, alone as you
seem to be, that you cant cope any more.
No one can.
Plan for that time, recognise it will happen, recognise there is no shame or
problem in that, its physically impossible to look after an Az patient 24x7.

Seems you already are using day care, ignore your mother if she doesnt like
it, its as much for her health as yours that she needs to go there because
if you dont get the rest you wont be able to look after her.

Also, as others ahve said, dont get too worried about asking your mother
what she would and woukdnt like, if you imagine she is , say, 2 years old,
that is an appropriate measure to determine if you should consult her on
something or not. becausr otherwise, no doubt, she'll already imagine there
is nothing wrong with her , she can cope perfectly well, she doesn't need
day care (she certainly wont recognise that *you* need her to go to day
care, etc etc.

My father went into full time care when he eventually point blank, refused
to go to day care, because at that point my mother couldnt cope any more
without her time alone.

Feel free to come back and vent.