Julian,

I am so sorry. It is so sad. The balloon is a nice idea, but any expression
recognizing your feelings will help. And as long as it won't cause
ramifications, seeking the support from your grand dad will be good for you.

One day, and it may be soon, you will need to reverse roles with your grand
dad. He may be your rock and your source of comfort, as he always has been.
But one day, you will need to switch and be the rock for him. This disease
requires us to parent our parents, even when we need their support most. It
sucks! But we have to do what is best for them and not always what we would
like.

We may feel the need for them to parent us, but they eventually lose the
ability to do so, whether our needs go away, intensify, or stay the same.
Like with children, there is a degree of sacrifice in caring for our
'parents' (and your grand dad is your parent, your father in your heart). We
shouldn't martyr ourselves. But we need to be aware that some of our needs,
even very deep ones, will no longer be satisfied directly by them, just as
if they were already dead. But we can always look to our hearts and our
prior experiences with our parents to feel their love and support.

Wishing you comfort and all good things
Adelle

You know Jules, I have to say that this kind of thing is not the
most responsible behavior in the world.  Sex is wonderful and
children are wonderful too, but do you really want to bring new
children into the world randomly, with different women, without
any advance plan for how you're going to take care of them for
the next 18 years or more, for how you're going to provide a
home for them?

You may think that your Dad didn't provide for you, so why do
you need to provide for your child.  But do you want your child
to think of you the way you think of your Dad?

   Alan