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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / February 2007The lone voice
For 5 years I have telling my sister & father about my mother's failing memory. While she could recall the coversation I have spoke, begged, yelled and threatened with being disowned with my mother. She even slapped me once during our conversation, me pleading with her to see a doctor. I'm a constant buzz in everyone's ear, no one listened. Untill now, My father comes to see me, admits he's NOW worried about Mom's memory. Duh! Swift smack to my forehead, now he's worried. At least he's here and a beg him to get her to a doctor. He's not that worried it seems. She can't remember how to turn on the car or open trunk. Can't remeber conversations but that's ok - by thw evening she's much better. I tell him they can do something now, we can't we can't wait any more. Now that he knows it's on him. His responsibility. My responsibilty. Now my sister too sees. But no one wants me to talk to her again about it. If she were on fire would they just let her burn? Anyone have an idea about how to get my family in gear? My mother thinks I hate her, that I am trying to convince people she's crazy. After 5 yrs of going behind her paying for This is getting old being alone in this. Angelsong Look, write your mother's doctor a letter about what is going on, and ask for his help. Any excuse to get her in there - a routine check, something for insurance, some other problem whatever. Get an appointment made for the made up excuse (don't ask your mother's permission, just get it arranged), and get your father to take her, or you take her. Loving deception is totally warranted. She needs help! Mary G. Hi....The fact that your father came to you is a sign that he is beginning to realize that something is seriously wrong. Perhaps if you volunteer to help him take her for a check up and make sure he knows you will be there. Tell him you'll even make the appointment. The day is coming when he will take you up on this offer or something very unfortunate is going to happen or both. If your Mom is still driving she should be reported to state department of motor vehicles. You can do this on the internet anonymously or you can have a friend do it. I did this with my mother. My brother's first realization that I might be right about our mother was when she had no idea how to answer questions on the driver's test. It sounds like you've done what you can for the most part. I know the feeling when you're the only one that sees the problem and everyone else makes excuses for your mother's behavior. Sometimes situations are out of your control. Denial can be one of the most difficult parts of this disease. I know, I've been there........June > For 5 years I have telling my sister & father about my mother's > failing memory. While she could recall the coversation I have spoke, [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Angelsong > I tell him they can do something now, we can't we > can't wait any more. Now that he knows it's on him. His > responsibility. My responsibilty. Tell your father if he doesn't call her doc and get a referral for a full neuro-psychiatric and physical exam, that you will call Adult Protective Services. If he balks, remind him that NOT taking action can be considered Elder Abuse, and APS might force him to do things he might not want to do, like put her in a care facility. On Feb 18, 12:44 am, NO_SPAM_TO_dphar...@gci.net (Dennis P. Harris) wrote: > On 15 Feb 2007 18:17:07 -0800 in alt.support.alzheimers, > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > him to do things he might not want to do, like put her in a care > facility. 'Ya know? I will say that something SIMILAR to this happened with my Aunt and Uncle (both gone now). It didn't go on anywhere near this long. I began noticing my Aunt's memory deteriorating rapidly and I would mention it to my Uncle. He would do what it sounds like Angelson's Father has been doing. Basically not facing up to the truth. I called my Cousins and they got together with my Uncle and got her to a Doctor for her diagnosis. This went on no longer than several months before my Cousins got involved. In the end, it turned out that my Uncle was also suffering from dementia. Pics disease in his case and Alzheimer's in the case of my Aunt. Hopefully it's just a case of the Father not wanting to face up to what's really happening and not something like what happened with my Aunt and Uncle, which I'm sure is probably relatively rare. At least I hope it's rare. Charles R. Whealton Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com > On Feb 18, 12:44 am, NO_SPAM_TO_dphar...@gci.net (Dennis P. Harris) > wrote: [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > Charles R. Whealton > Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com Hi Charles, Sadly it isn't as rare as you might think. Had a disagreement recently on soc.senior.issues newsgroup where denial is the name of the game. It's more common than we realize.  SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn Ruut > > On Feb 18, 12:44 am, NO_SPAM_TO_dphar...@gci.net (Dennis P. Harris) > > wrote: [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > > Evelyn Ruut Evelyn: Hello! I'm sorry I didn't make it my post entirely clear. What I meant was that I hope both a husband AND wife suffering from dementia at the same time is rare. I'm sure denial is anything but rare, especially having gone through it myself when it came to my own Mother who suffered from dementia (thought to have been due to mini-strokes). Charles R. Whealton Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com >> > On Feb 18, 12:44 am, NO_SPAM_TO_dphar...@gci.net (Dennis P. Harris) >> > wrote: [quoted text clipped - 59 lines] > Charles R. Whealton > Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com Hi Charles, Actually it isn't the first time it has been posted here that both parents were suffering from one kind of dementia or another. I imagine it is probably somewhat rare, but it does happen. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn Ruut I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it happens more than one might realize. My mother's husband was getting alz at the same time she had dementia back in the mid nineties. He had other health problems as well and died in '98. I almost suggested this possibility to Angelsong but I thought she would probably be aware of it. Maybe not. Some dementias can be very subtle at first as most of us know.....June "Evelyn Ruut" <evelyn.ruut@gmail.com> wrote in message news:45dc3598$0$28131$>> >> Evelyn: >> [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > were suffering from one kind of dementia or another. I imagine it is > probably somewhat rare, but it does happen. > >> "Chuck Whealton" <chuck_wheal...@yahoo.com> wrote in message > [quoted text clipped - 77 lines] > > - Show quoted text - Wow, that's frightening. I mean it's bad enough for one spouse to have it, let alone both. I remember my Uncle just didn't seem to take it as seriously as I thought he should be. Listening to Angelsong's story about her Father (who finally came around, it appears) made me think of that. Hopefully it's not for the same reasons as it was with my late Uncle. Charles R. Whealton Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com > Wow, that's frightening. I mean it's bad enough for one spouse to > have it, let alone both. I remember my Uncle just didn't seem to take > it as seriously as I thought he should be. Listening to Angelsong's > story about her Father (who finally came around, it appears) made me > think of that. 1 in 4 people aged over 85 have Az, so there is a 1 in 4 chance that for every couple where both are 85 or over and where one has Az, so does the other. I suppose there is also only a roughly 50/50 chance (9/16 to be exact) that neither will have it and 50/50 (7/16 to be exact) that at least one will. Pretty depressing. I think my maths is correct unfortunately? SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com |
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