There is none. Would your mother have wanted to be like this? No, she said
so. You are carrying out her wishes, and the right course of action.

i'm with you.  everyone in my family essentially agreed on that
about the time my grandmother died.  shortly after, alaska passed
a living will law and we all made them.

from my experience, it's more likely that she'll start refusing
food and/or liquids than get aspiration pneumonia.  you should
probably also discuss whether any major infection should be left
untreated except for pain relief.

No point at all.

I think all of us have faced this issue and most of us have made
the same decision.  Once when my Mom stopped eating and she
was eventually induced to resume, we all had great doubts that
we did the right thing.  If you worry about second guessing yourself
and feeling guilty after the fact, I can tell you that making the
opposite choice, to keep a loved one alive in the face of all
the horrible conditions they face, won't make you feel one bit
better.

    Alan

Dana,

Its so hard. No matter what choice you make, its hard to keep from second
guessing oneself.

But your mom made her wishes very clear. And you would be doing a great
thing by making decisions based on what she would want, even if they seem
'heard hearted.' It's actually a great kindness to let suffering end.

In Judaism, it is considered an important 'commandment' to bury our dead.
Not just hire someone to fill the grave, but for the mourners to actually
fill in the grave. Why? Because it is one of the few acts we can perform for
another with no expectation that they can thank us or return the favor. It
is the last kindness we can do for them.  It's the selflessness that is
important. And it is considered a sacred duty.

You have the opportunity to do a similar kindness; to recognize that there
are some things worse than death; to recognize when treatment would no
longer be beneficial; to allow the cycle of life to complete its journey.
There are times, in our arrogant modernism, we think we should try
everything to prolong life. But just because we can, doesn't mean we should.

Wishing you strength at this difficult time.

Adelle