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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / January 2007Good bye Dad
My father died this evening. I have been suspecting something would happen very soon, my sister, who lives nearby had a fantasy that when things were close the hospital staff would move him to ICU. As many times as I tried to express my feeling that ICU would only be indicated if there was a true hope of recovery, she only gave that idea lip service, and as recently as yesterday refused my offer to come immediately, and told other family members that the next few months he would mostly be resting in bed in the nursing home. He fell about a week before Christmas (still living in his independent apartment) and we discovered that he had been bleeding into his stomach for weeks, perhaps longer. From events we were aware of for the last several months, in fact, the bleeding had almost been certainly going on for a few months, at least. Hindsight is always 20/20, as they say. He had said nothing about any gastric distress, suspicious looking stools, nothing. The hospital gastro staff cauterized two bleeding ulcers, he had perked up quite a bit, as late as Friday evening he was sitting up, fully dressed in his wheelchair, trading jokes with my sister and signing some forms for Medicare, Medigap coverage, etc. But close to bedtime on Friday he was extremely short of breath, and the NH staff sent him back to the hospital where pneumonia was diagnosed. He just sort of drifted in and out after that, and began to refuse medication and also his meals. He and my mother had a very acrimonious relationship for about the last 35 years of their 64 year marriage, and while he never denigrated her in my hearing (and the reverse was far from true, believe me) he still acted kind of chipper with all that vitriol over and done with. Began to correspond with old girl friends, drove around Southern Iowa with a friend visiting the graves of other former sweethearts, and displayed the picture of at least one old flame rather prominently in his apartment. But 3-4 days ago, he told his pastor that he really missed my mother. Since I miss her, too, I am somehow as I write this, thinking of that as a precious gift to me from him, even second hand. The next week or so will be pretty busy - there's a lot to plan, as you all well know. Thanks for your friendship during the months I've been posting here. I'll check in again when things calm down.  SignatureA R Pickett aka Woodstock "Sometimes the facts threaten the truth" Amos Oz, prize winning Israeli author Read my book reviews at: http://www.booksnbytes.com/reviews/_idx_ws_all_byauth.html Now blogging! http://www.journalscape.com/woodstock/ Remove lower case "e" to respond > My father died this evening. I have been suspecting something would > happen [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > Thanks for your friendship during the months I've been posting here. I'll > check in again when things calm down. sorry for your loss, woodstock. That is a lovely thought about his missing your mother being a gift. I hope the next few weeks can be a time of peace as you share your cherished memories of your father chris in oz So very sorry to hear about your loss. I should have posted the Emily Dickinson poem today instead of yesterday ("After Great Pain"). You have been so kind and temperate in your responses to my posts, and many people mistakenly assume that kind of spirit is a blessing someone is born with, when more often it's forged by fire. There will be a certain peace now, perhaps. The death of someone very close always rips another hole in our spiritual garments no matter what the nature of the relationship during life. If you were content with your relationship with you father in the months preceding his death, I suppose that's something to be coveted. In any event, my sincere condolences to *you*. You deserve peace. > My father died this evening. I have been suspecting something would happen > very soon, my sister, who lives nearby had a fantasy that when things were [quoted text clipped - 49 lines] > > Remove lower case "e" to respond Dear Woodstock, So sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. He came to the end of his journey with loving chidren who cared much about him. May your grief be short and your memories of your dear father, long. Below is a famous story, well known in buddhist teachings. ******* When the Buddha was alive, a young mother named Kisa Gotami lost her only child. We all can understand how terrifying it would be for any mother to see her child die. Because of her intense love and affection for the child, she lost her mind. In that state, she believed that the child was just ill, and she was determined to find a cure. She carried the body on her shoulder and roamed the city, asking each person she met to heal her child. A wise man who understood her distorted emotions sent her to the Buddha. Holding the corpse in her arms, she arrived at a beautiful park where the Buddha was teaching. The moment she saw the Buddha, she appealed to Him to heal the child. The Buddha compassionately understood her emotional state. Without mentioning anything about a cure, the Buddha said, "Your child has died, but before I do anything about it, please go and collect some mustard seeds from a house where no one has ever died." Happily she thanked the Buddha and took off on her mission. Her mind now filled with hope, she went from house to house asking for mustard seeds. Every house she went to had mustard seeds, but she could not find a single house where there had been no death. Eventually the truth dawned on her. The grief and the pain of losing her beloved child faded away. She understood her own insanity. That deep awareness of death brought her not only emotional healing of her personal trauma but also an understanding of the true nature of life. The awareness of death gave her a sense of peace and harmony. She properly disposed of the corpse of her child and came back to the Buddha. The Buddha knew of her transformation. He counseled her and delivered a dharma discourse on the nature of things. Inspired by the wisdom of the teachings, she asked the Buddha to ordain her as a nun. After becoming a nun, she meditated on death and, realizing the impermanent nature of all existence, she attained enlightenment. For twenty-five hundred years, Kisa Gotami has been one of the most famous enlightened nuns in Buddhist history. All the Buddhist children in Sri Lanka learn her life story. When I learned it, I was about eight years old. It is a story that I have heard many times. Each time I hear it and contemplate its message of impermanence, death, and the implications that follow, it adds another layer of profoundness to the meaning of life. For this woman, the move from ignorance to complete awareness of the truth of her child's death brought liberation and enlightenment. We too must train ourselves to awaken to the profound lessons about the realities of life that are hidden within the experience of death. These lessons are waiting to lift us from the grief that is sapping our energy; they are there to nurture us and to make our continuing journey, and that of those around us, joyous and meaningful. To realize this, we need to go beyond the pain of our emotions and let a spark of truth touch our hearts, as it did Kisa Gotami's. After all, wouldn't that also be a beautiful gift to give to our departed ones? This quote was taken from: LESSONS OF THE LOTUS Practical Spiritual Teachings of a Traveling Buddhist Monk -By Bhante Y. Wimala- Published by Bantam Books Copyright 1997 by Bhante Y. Wimala ******* (end quoted material) Regards, Evelyn My sympathy to all of you. It is a very upsetting, confusing time I know. Gwen > My father died this evening. I have been suspecting something would > happen [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > Thanks for your friendship during the months I've been posting here. I'll > check in again when things calm down. Dear Woodstock; May you be comforted at this difficult time. In Judaism, when someone passes, we say, "blessed is the true judge." In the Almighty's judgment, it was time. Seems perhaps your dad felt that way, too, in his comment about missing your mom. What a lovely gift to know your dad in many of his dimensions as a human being. Adelle > My father died this evening. I have been suspecting something would > happen [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > Thanks for your friendship during the months I've been posting here. I'll > check in again when things calm down. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to give them up even when we know the way of life and death.....June > My father died this evening. I have been suspecting something would > happen [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > Thanks for your friendship during the months I've been posting here. I'll > check in again when things calm down. ((((((((((AR))))))))))) So sorry. Dana > As many times as I tried to > express my feeling that ICU would only be indicated if there was a true hope > of recovery, she only gave that idea lip service, and as recently as > yesterday refused my offer to come immediately, and told other family > members that the next few months he would mostly be resting in bed in the > nursing home. as you now know, denial is not a river in egypt. sorry about your father, but he's at peace now. no more confusion or anger, just memories of the good times you had together. > My father died this evening. I have been suspecting something would > happen > very soon, Very sorry to hear of your loss. My father is in the same condition and could go at any time. AW I'm sorry for your loss Woodstock. My condolences to you and your family. Alan Woodstock: I'm sorry to hear this, man. One thing is for certain, even if you know what's coming, it never seems to make it any easier once it happens. Don't hold it against your Sister. Without going into detail, I certainly remember fooling myself when my Mother was going. Boy, did I full myself. Charles R. Whealton Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com Woodstock: I'm sorry to hear this, man. One thing is for certain, even if you know what's coming, it never seems to make it any easier once it happens. Don't hold it against your Sister. Without going into detail, I certainly remember fooling myself when my Mother was going. Boy, did I fool myself. Charles R. Whealton Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com My father died at the age of 89 on Monday (22nd January 2007). After suffering from Vascular Dementia for several years he died of heart failure, a fairly quick release from this world. I have been trying to find out if there is a specific charity in the UK dealing with research into Vascular Dementia, all I find is references to Alzheimers. I would be grateful if anyone could advise with regard to this, as it seems that Vascular Dementia seems to be a poor cousin when it comes to publicising the problem. Many of the outward symptoms are the same yet the causes seem fairly obvious, a method of limiting the development would be useful to many people who may be mis-diagnosed. Regards Nick Latheron www.latheron.free-online.co.uk > My father died at the age of 89 on Monday (22nd January 2007). I'm sorry. :-( Dana > I have been trying to > find out if there is a specific charity in the UK dealing with research > into Vascular Dementia, all I find is references to Alzheimers. me too, and i did several different searches. if there is an organization dealing only with vascular dementias, you may be able to find out from whichever government agency registers charities in the UK. if not, you might consider charities that deal with strokes and high blood pressure, the causes of vascular dementias. that's what finally got my mother --- she was hypoxic, got confused about her meds, stopped taking her blood pressure med and had some mini-strokes that resulted in a very quick decline. sorry about your father. i hope that you always remember all the good times with him. >>I have been trying to >>find out if there is a specific charity in the UK dealing with research [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > sorry about your father. i hope that you always remember all the > good times with him. I have been informed by The Alzheimers Society that they will on request pass on all or part of a donation to Vascular Dementia research if the person making the donation wants them to. |
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