Eileen,

Your post about your situation is quite heartbreaking, and I think it is
time for a serious reality check.   I say this, not unkindly, but because I
deeply sympathize with your situation and feel that your desire to care for
your husband at home is well meant, but on the verge of soon becoming
impossible, given your own health situation, and his.

1.   Get to an Elder Law specialist attorney as soon as you possibly can, to
see about preserving your assets, should your husband or yourself need
professional care sooner than you think.   Medicaid will pick up after
Medicare ends, or your husbands assets are gone, but there is process to go
through in applying for it, and the legal stuff needs to be in place, so you
don't end up penniless.   Any old attorney won't do.   It is a special area
of the law.   This is essential and you need to do it NOW.

2.    Look into day care for your husband for right now.  It might be the
very thing that allows you to get some rest, do some shopping, get some
legal advice, apply for medicaid, or whatever else you need to do to insure
your own health and peace of mind.   If there is no adult day care in your
area, get some outside help.   The best kind would be somewhere where you
can leave him there for a while, so you get some real rest.   But you can't
keep on at the present pace and expect to do it for long.

3.    Even if you are committed to not placing your husband in a nursing
care facility, look around, get familiar with local places, and put your
husbands name on the list, because if something happens in the meantime,
where he needs care right away (and don't think for a minute that it can't
happen) they will stick him in the first available place, and you will have
no choice.   At least if you have done your homework, (and you can always
decide to keep him home a little longer if it is feasible)  but if he
suddenly ends up needing care right away, due to your limitations or his,
you have some options.

4.   You think nobody can watch him like you can, and that is a common
misconception, but incorrect.   Nursing homes are set up so they can't get
into things like they can at home.   They are set up deliberately that way.
Your husband is not the only person who has ever gotten this way, and he
isn't the only one who needs watching every minute.    They all do, or
almost all do.   Like you, I thought nobody could care for my mother in law
like I did, but I was wrong.  They did a great job in the nursing home where
we finally, (and very reluctantly) placed her.   In fact, I hate to admit
it, but I think she was actually better off there because she knew it was
like a hospital type setting, and behaved herself better.

NOBODY can live on 2 hours sleep a day for very long.   You are on borrowed
time already without getting some legal advice, and making plans for the
worst, should it occur.

Good luck!  Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Eileen summarized her situation and then said

Hello Eileen -

As I read Evelyn's response, each time I came to a new paragraph I thought
to myself "this is the most important thing for Eileen to understand."

My point is that Evelyn presented an excellent summary of important things
for you to consider.  Anything I could say would only repeat her comments
again.

THis group is an excellent source of advice and support, and I encourage you
to check in again, keep us updated on your progress.