My 91 year old father who has vascular dementia had dental surgery yesterday
to remove three abcessed teeth.  What follows is my sister's report on how
the day went.  I have been concerned anticipating this event.  In person to
person conversations as well as on the phone my siblings and I have been
urging Dad to take advantage of a "respite care" room at his apartment house
where and RN can assist with any post surgical care needs.  In this day and
age of immediate discharge from hospitals, the facility rightly plans to
provide a little extra care when residents need it.

Begin quote from my sister -

I called the apt complex a few minutes ago to check on Dad.  He was under
Dr's
orders to stay put in "respite care" for a minimum of 24 hours after the
administration of anesthesia. ( 24 hours after surgery would be 2:45 p.m.
Wednesday Sept13).

Sometime around 8:00 this evening, when the nurse was doing her rounds at
the Alzheimers unit, he took off and went home to his apartment.  He has
refused to take any pain medication and is convinced that there is no
need for him to remain where it's convenient for the nurses to monitor
his condition,  .  Now it means that the night shift RN has to tromp
downstairs to check on him.  Kerri, the nurse who helped me get him out
of my car and delivered to the 4th floor,  tried her best but failed to
get it across to him that he ought to cooperate.

He was given specific instructions concerning what and what not to eat,
and how to eat, so as to minimize the possibility of a "dry socket".  I
don't know if the staff can persuade him to comply with instructions.

Today was a never-ending exercise in frustration.  The wheelchair that I
was told would be available at the oral surgeon's office was not.
Another patient was using it.  So we had to coax Dad  out of my car,
through the door and down the hall, leaning on me and the nurses for
balance.  [[ insert from Woodstock, my Dad uses a walker for all ambulatory
movement  he is very unsteady on his feet]]  I was told that I should wait;
it would be only 30 minutes
until he was ready to return to his apt house.  It turned out to be more
than
an hour.(I had suspected as much but didn't go back to my office because
the oral surgeon's staff insisted they were right)   Then the Rx for pain
medication had not been filled when I went to pick it up.  Long story;
the short version is that the complex's latest "improvement in delivering
service" is a setback in some areas.      I had told my boss that I didn't
think my whole afternoon would be consumed with this, but it was, and I
ended up at the office until well past 6:00 doing what I
could/should/would have done had I not  been trucking Dad to and fro.

When I finally got back to my office my boss [[ insert from Woodstock - my
sister's boss is a wonderful man, very patient and understanding of the
demands Dad puts on my sister's time.  For him to be visibly angry shows how
frustrating this whole thing was for my sister ]] my boss was trying his
best, unsuccessfully, to conceal his anger that I was away from work when he
needed my help.   He is an angel; even when things go wrong he doesn't
explode.  I think this is because I have worked for him long enough that
no one could fill my shoes.   He could hire another paralegal; (the town is
overflowing with people who have completed paralegal training coursework)
that's not the point.  The point is that it takes years to build what I can
deliver to him as his assistant.  No one could walk in
tomorrow and do it..  My success in my "paid for" job means everything to
me.  I could scream at Dad for his  needs resulting in a black mark on my
employee record.

Our mother is rolling in her grave and I am pissed.  None of you need do
anything; Dad won't change.  I just feel better unloading.  Thanks for
reading through all of the foregoing garbage.

End of quote from my sister.

Since I function as long distance support for her, I am frustrated too and I
am thinking about calling my Dad on his reneging on his promise to me in a
phone conversation to stay in the respite care room.  As I write this, I am
reminding my self of the ongoing theme here that familiary surroundings
become increasingly important to a person with dementia and I think that we
could have anticipated this action on his part.  There are enough financial
resources that we could have hired a home health care aid to stay in his
apartment overnight.  Blindsided one more time!  He is still capable of
participating in a rational conversation at times - I will see how his
demeanor is when I talk to him later today or tomorrow.  If I was on the
phone with him now he would be on the receiving end of a "talking to"

Thanks for listening.  Woodstock