I told y'all that my brother was taking our mom to California this week
and putting mom in a facilty there.  Well, Wednesday morning, just as I
was getting up, I got a call from him.  Mom had ended up in a stranger's
house about three blocks from her home the night before -- she was
trying to keep my brother's dog away from him, because she was sure he
wanted to kill it.  He needed me to come up for a couple of days to keep
an eye on her, until they could get on the plane Friday.  It's pretty
damned hard to take care of someone who is paranoid of you, unless
you've got the power to lock them in or something.

So I drove to the Chicago 'burbs (about 6 hours) and spent a couple of
days with Mom.  It's clear she's taken a bad turn for the worse -- she's
convinced my brother is robbing her blind, wants to kill both his pets
and her cat (we came home from being out for dinner, and when she walked
into the kitchen and discovered there wasn't the usual compliment of 4
or 5 dishes of catfood on the floor -- she'd picked them up before we
left -- she immediately said, "I think someone's killed the cat!"  I
asked her why she'd think that, and she said, "Well, John doesn't like
it, and thinks it's a lot of trouble.  I think he might come over here
and..."  I ran up the stairs, found the cat sleeping on her bed, and
headed her off,) and is beating my nephew.  Indeed, she was trying to
figure out how to get Henry away from his father and take him down to
her old house (which of course was sold 2 years ago) to keep him safe.
In short, it is *seriously* past time to get mom into residential care.

But while mom and I were out that evening, I got a call from John.
Turns out that the facilty he *thought* my sister and my dad had it all
lined up for mom to enter doesn't have a move-in date for mom, and that
once they do have a move-in date, it generally takes 4-5 weeks to get
someone admitted.  Further, they have no precautions to keep people from
wandering in that level of the center, and the more secured part of the
facilty doesn't have a vacancy.  John was absolutely *beside* himself.
He's damned near the cracking point anyway, and I don't blame him one
bit.  When he thought he was just days from the burden being lifted from
his shoulders, his relief was so palpable I could feel it coming off of
him in waves.  It is an incredibly cruel blow to have that snatched away
and possibly be facing being back at square one.

I am so furious with my sister that I can't bring myself to call her.
I'm afraid I'll say something that will destroy our relationship
forever.  John and I were all ready to put mom in a facilty here in my
town back in March or April, but Kim was really upset by it.  We were
making decisions without her! she said.  She wanted mom near her! she
said.  So I didn't get mom into Bell Trace, but we told Kim to get off
the stick and find a place *NOW*.  It's 4 months later, and while she's
*finally* picked a facilty, she apparently didn't bother to find out
just exactly what was needed to *check Mom in*.  And she wants to put it
off a few weeks -- after all, we have to get Mom a nice bed, and which
do I think would be best, a daybed or a storage bed?  John has told her
-- as kindly as possible -- that this is like discussing what kind of
bucket to use to throw water on Mom when she's on fire.

So we don't know if Mom is going into Sunrise or not.  I've done the
only thing I can; I called the Special Care Unit at Bell Trace and asked
if they have a vacancy.  They have one, and they're okay with waiting
3-4 days to see if we need it, which we well may.  They're very nice people.

At least I got a good night's sleep in my own bed last night.  I didn't
sleep more than 2 hours the whole time I was at Mom's.  Just as well.
That way, when her clock went off at 5:30 yesterday morning, I was awake
to remind her that no, she couldn't go back to bed, she had to take a
shower and get dressed and eat breakfast, 'cause she was going to
California to see Kim.  Ellen.  Whoever.

Argh.

Dana