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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / July 2006re: need advice: THANK YOU ALL
I so appreciate everyone's generosity in sharing their wisdom about the holes in my "plan" to someday move home with my elderly parents. It was a real wake-up call. Yes, my father HAS been diagnosed with moderate dementia. Are there no alternatives to those hideous "last-stop" nursing homes for people like him? > Yes, my father HAS been diagnosed with moderate dementia. Are there no > alternatives to those hideous "last-stop" nursing homes for people like > him? The quality of care within homes varies widely & wildly. My MIL is in a full-service nursing home and has been for 4 1/2 years. It's consistently rated one of the best in Kansas by state surveyers for their quality of care. They are supported in part by city tax dollars, and many of the residents were friends & neighbors of the staff in the home. If they were ever abusive or provided sub-standard care, the community would be outraged. At the other end are the homes that function as warehouses. The only way to find one like where my MIL lives is to visit lots of them and keep looking until you find the appropriate place to care for your parents. Beth  SignatureDon't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain >I so appreciate everyone's generosity in sharing their wisdom about the > holes in my "plan" to someday move home with my elderly parents. It was [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > alternatives to those hideous "last-stop" nursing homes for people like > him? We had a mixed experience when my FIL needed to be in a NH. The best one in town, in terms of cleanliness, patient care, etc. turned out to be a disappointment. We think the ultimate issue was they were not giving him his meds on a consistent schedule. As a result, he had a couple of episodes where he thought the orderlies trying to get him back to his own room were trying to attack him and he fought them physically. He wound up institutionalized to get his medication balanced again. One which was considered average and out in the boonies turned out to have a better, more trained staff and were better at keeping his meds balanced. He never had another violent episode. So, places due vary in quality - from place to place and with staff changes. All you can do is be vigilant in being a presence in your loved ones' care. Staff act differently when a patient has family looking out for them and questioning things. Just keep in mind, it takes well rested people who have a chance to have lives away from care to do the job really well, once our loved one needs custodial care. And our loved ones need predictable environments designed for their own safety. Trying to do it at home once 24 hr care is needed is not the best or safest choice for every dementia patient or every family. When you are caring at home, you don't get that break that allows you to be refreshed. You can't yell and have three other people come running when you need help lifting someone. And you aren't insured if you hurt yourself and then need extra support to care for yourself, in addition to your loved one. Also, and most poignantly, when you are the caregiver 24 hrs a day, doing all that care often takes so much time and energy, that you don't get a chance to just love your loved one. Adelle Adelle >I so appreciate everyone's generosity in sharing their wisdom about the > holes in my "plan" to someday move home with my elderly parents. It was [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > alternatives to those hideous "last-stop" nursing homes for people like > him? Dear Lifi, The NH where we placed my MIL turned out to be also a rehabilitation hospital with a separate Alzheimer wing. Because of this, the mindset and approach were a little more positive rather than negative. The full time doctor employed by that home used to be in private practice and my neighbor, upon seeing him gave him a big hug and a huge grin. She said he was such a wonderful doctor that she really felt bad when he left private practice to go to work for the nursing home, but that she was so happy my MIL was under his care. He really truly liked all the old people and took good care of them. The decor was lovely, the place was clean, the orderlies and assistants all were happy friendly people. They had group entertainments and there were decorations everywhere for each holiday and occasion. Meals were decent and served in a timely manner. They had consultations periodically with all the various directors of this or that, who would consult with the family about the treatment their loved one was getting. But when you got into the Alzheimer wing, you saw many of the same vacant faces, the unintelligible noises, the obvious confusion of people who were ill with alzheimers disease. There is no way to change that. The old ladies would run up to my husband asking them if he would please help them find their husband who was arriving just now to take them home, and other similar stuff. Someone sitting in a wheel chair, mouth lolling open shouting unintelligible noises at the top of her lungs. Another person who paced incessantly and never ever sat down for a minute. It is what it is. It is a nursing home. And no matter how horrible it appears to us, it is where people with this illness will get respectful, decent care, and will be kept clean, fed, and safe from harm so you can get some rest and go to work and live your life in the world of the living. More than this, you really can't expect. So visit often, take interest in your loved ones care, and do your part the best that you can. That alone is what makes all the difference in the world. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') >>I so appreciate everyone's generosity in sharing their wisdom about the >>holes in my "plan" to someday move home with my elderly parents. It was [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > best that you can. That alone is what makes all the difference in the > world. Thank you. This was very well-said. I haven't been around for several weeks, but we're moving toward having my mom in a facility -- not quite nursing home level, but beyond simple assisted living, I don't know the official terminology -- by the end of the summer. She's been deteriorating rapidly. The latest is that this week she doesn't know her cat of the past 12 years -- she's sure that *her* cat is lost, and this "other" cat got into her house somehow. She's also losing track of members of the family; recently she was unsure whether she was the parent and I the child, or vice versa. She can't understand why I don't remember her childhood friends. She thinks my sister is *her* sister. My brother bears the burden, since Mom's house is right around the corner from his. She walks over there 6, 7, 8 times a day, at any time. She's shown up at 6 am when they're all still in bed, or at 9:30 at night, when my brother was out and she startled my SIL badly. They've been heroic, but it's wearing on them horribly, and I can't imagine the degree of relief it will be for them to simply be able to have family movie night or eat dinner without worrying about Mom. My BIL, who is generally a nice guy, but lives 2000 miles away, and tends to be really touchy-feely about everything, voiced the opinion that we were "moving too fast" finding a facility for mom. We needed to slow down, he opined, and make sure we found a place mom would like, and respect her feelings and her dignity and all that. I wanted to *SMACK* him. I very nearly said, "You're not the one who can't get a single day alone with his wife and kids." I also very nearly said, "Dude, she's not YOUR mother." Fortunately, I had the grace not to say either. Of *course* we want the best possible place for mom. But when it comes down to it, it's going to mean moving her into one, possibly two, rooms. It's going to mean her not having her own kitchen (which I *know* she will *hate* -- but she's nearly burned the house down a couple of times, and recently destroyed her microwave by warming cans of catfood in it.) *SHE HAS TO GO*. We will make sure the place is clean and well-run and compassionate and kind, but *MOM DOESN'T GET TO SAY NO*, any more than my niece and nephew get to say no about their bedtime, or turning off the television, or going to school. Maybe -- just *maybe* mind you -- if all three of us kids (funny term; the youngest of us is 43) all lived in the same town we could avoid this a while longer, because the burden would be spread. But we live in different regions of the country. And this burden is crushing my brother and SIL. Mom is coming to resent them, too. She now believes my brother "stole" her car (he took her keys away 10 months back, because she'd gotten badly lost a few times.) She's sure she could go back to work if he'd "let" her. She got mad at him for pointing out that her cat was, indeed, her cat. He understands, of course, that none of this is Mom's fault. But it hurts anyway -- and that's not *his* fault. Better the resentment be aimed at kindly professionals who don't have emotional attachments, and -- as has been mentioned -- who go home after 8 hours and have a life. Dana > Better the resentment be aimed at kindly professionals who don't have > emotional attachments, and -- as has been mentioned -- who go home after > 8 hours and have a life. Dana, sounds like you're still overburdened with guilty feelings about being unable to handle things and trying to justify your actions. Believe me a lot of us have been there done that and your feelings are absolutely normal but you are doing the right thing so carry on with as much love as before but try to divorce yourself from ill feelings from inside yourself or from others who don't know the true situation. We all sympathize with you and know that you are doing the right thing for your Mom AND the rest of the family. Stay well, dear. > I wanted to *SMACK* him. I very nearly said, "You're not the one who > can't get a single day alone with his wife and kids." I also very > nearly said, "Dude, she's not YOUR mother." Fortunately, I had the > grace not to say either. the next time he pulls that crap, do exactly that. folks like that only pay attention to reality when they get whacked upside the head. but then i'm the group's advocate for brutal frankness with relatives who are in denial. been there, done that. >>>I so appreciate everyone's generosity in sharing their wisdom about the >>>holes in my "plan" to someday move home with my elderly parents. It was [quoted text clipped - 106 lines] > > Dana Dear Dana, You have my deepest sympathy..... no I correct that, you have my empathy. I am going through an awful time with my 93 year old father, who doesn't have alzheimers, but who has vascular deficiencies, which exacerbates his paranoia and other insecurities. He is old, sick, half blind, scared of dying, yet life holds no joy for him. In his misery he strikes out in rage at those who are nearest him. Fortunately it is my sister who has POA and she will have to make all the decisions and bear the brunt of his rage. It is awful to grow old and not be able to care for oneself anymore, but the end of life is seldom graceful. I hope all goes well for you and your family and for me and mine. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') > Dear Dana, > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > end of life is seldom graceful. I hope all goes well for you and your > family and for me and mine. That sounds awful. At least Mom still says things like "I'm not sure who you are -- but I like you." (Said to my sister, whom she consistently confuses with *her* sister.) And most of the time until recently she's been nice to my brother and SIL, though frustrated at her limitations. ((((((((Evelyn and sister)))))))))) Dana >> Dear Dana, >> [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > > Dana Thanks so much Dana. Yesterday was a new chapter in the ongoing saga. If anyone remembers, there is a woman who stays with my father and sort of takes care of him. That woman is 87 herself, and she will be moving out (so she says) on the first of the month. She is the remaining half of another couple that were friends with my parents for many years. My father won't let her use the laundry facilities in the house and she has to haul her wash to a laundromat (at 87). He went so far as to disconnect the dryer and stuff the vent opening so nobody can use the dryer even if they wanted to. Besides that he takes control of the remote and she can't watch the TV at all. If you are there, you watch what he wants and he is quite ready to shut the whole thing down if he loses interest in it, or wants to say something. He gives her a small amount of money for gas because she ferries him to all his medical appointments etc. which is a pittance, but there really isn't enough money in the world that could make me tolerate the lifestyle he imposes on her. My father threatened to kill himself if she moves, but meanwhile he has alienated all his kids who would have cared for him. I have tried since fathers day to talk to him twice, but each time he rained abuse on me till I hung up in tears, and was upset for days afterwards. No apology or tears or explaining would do. He just ranted and recounted what a "bad" kid I was at 15. (I wasn't a "bad" kid, not then, not ever.... and I know what a "bad kid" is). He is a very mean man, and has been all of his life. Mean in the sense of being parsimonious to the point of craziness, and mean in the sense of being cantankerous as well. Anyone remember the old Beatles song about mean Mr. Mustard? The mean old man? It fits. Yesterday I told my sister that as it is going right now, she has all the cards, the POA and all of that. There is NO way in the world I would consider taking care of him. I will back her in any decision she needs to make. She should do what she has to do. He recently renewed his drivers license BY MAIL at 93, no questions asked. He does realize he can't use it (so he says). If anyone were to talk to him they would easily conclude that he is sane and rational, and if the truth be told, he is just like he has been all of his life..... not a nice man, but he has no dementia, he has just gotten meaner as he got old. Hubby told me to back off, let them work out their differences and keep clear of them. I intend to do just that. It is the best way. My sister will do the right thing whatever that turns out to be. My brother, sister and I are close and we talk to one another every day. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') > He recently renewed his drivers license BY MAIL at 93, no questions asked. > He does realize he can't use it (so he says). If anyone were to talk to [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > My sister will do the right thing whatever that turns out to be. My > brother, sister and I are close and we talk to one another every day. E, for the life of me, I really dont understand why you dont just cut him out of your life totally. Didnt you say your brother did that? At some point, it becomes as much your problem as his, if you continue to tolerate the abuse. I'm sure there must be a buddist saying for this sort of situation :-) Good luck, and liked the doggies! SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com >> He recently renewed his drivers license BY MAIL at 93, no questions >> asked. He does realize he can't use it (so he says). If anyone were to [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > situation :-) > Good luck, and liked the doggies! Hi T, I essentially have done that, as a matter of fact. I tried twice and twice got blasted. I won't go for a third time. I feel bad about it, but no sense beating myself up anymore. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') Evelyn wrote in part - > Yesterday I told my sister that as it is going right now, she has all the > cards, the POA and all of that. There is NO way in the world I would > consider taking care of him. I will back her in any decision she needs to > make. She should do what she has to do. I still have fairly good communication with my father. One of my sisters lives near him and copes with every day in, week in, thing which arises and helps him. This group has helped me see that the best thing I can do to help them BOTH is to support my sister and provide a sounding board for her when she needs one. Over and over again I read here of families where someone who is not geographically close or involved in day to day stuff has all kinds of advice and plans, which just won't work or are incomplete, or whatever. So Evelyn, thank you for placing this lesson down in black and white one more time to remind us all of how important it can be to support the on the scene caregiver. Woodstock Signature"Sometimes the facts threaten the truth" Amos Oz, prize winning Israeli author Read my book reviews at: http://www.booksnbytes.com/reviews/_idx_ws_all_byauth.html Remove lower case "e" to respond > Evelyn wrote in part - > Yesterday I told my sister that as it is going > right now, she has all the [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > > Woodstock Hi Woodstock, Believe me, caregiving can really make you crazy at times. I realized that only a year afterwards. During the entire process I was always wound up as tightly as a spring. My house was not my own, and we were always on call every minute. That sort of tension can take a toll. But I am still glad we did it, just that we did it for too long. It was actually better for her to be in a professional facility. Ooops doorbell is ringing! Gotta go.... SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') > I wanted to *SMACK* him. I very nearly said, "You're not the one who > can't get a single day alone with his wife and kids." I also very nearly > said, "Dude, she's not YOUR mother." Fortunately, I had the grace not to > say either. Hi Dana....Yes, many of us have family and/or friends that "Just don't get it" and we have to practice restraint. Guess it goes with the territory....June P.S If my brother weren't 6'4 and well over 200 lbs I might have *Smacked* him already LOL. My daughter tells me it's a man thing. At least he's getting a lot better about Mother's limitations and he does a lot for her. >>I wanted to *SMACK* him. I very nearly said, "You're not the one who >>can't get a single day alone with his wife and kids." I also very nearly [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > P.S If my brother weren't 6'4 and well over 200 lbs I might have *Smacked* > him already LOL. My daughter tells me it's a man thing. Nah. It's an individual thing. My sister was in denial until very recently. My brother sees mom every day, and is *abundantly* clear on how messed up she is. Dana Dana, many of us have relatives who just don't get it. The day I was taking my FIL for his appt to have his FL-2 completed so we could place him, a sibling of his came and removed him from the house. The person waited til I was in the shower and just left. I was furious. That particular relative only came over because she heard we were placing him and had never once helped us with him. It took me all day to find him. The only reason I didn't call the police (which I wanted to do) was because the other sibling of his begged me not to. She was the only person in the family who helped us or supported us in anyway and she agreed that placing him was in his best interest. The sibling who took him carried him to another doctor, I guess hoping he'd say my FIL didn't need to be placed. It didn't work though and backfired on her. Sometimes you just want to smack them and knock some reality into them. Unfortunately, while smacking them may help relieve our frustration in dealing with them, it wouldn't help in the long run. > > I wanted to *SMACK* him. I very nearly said, "You're not the one who > > can't get a single day alone with his wife and kids." I also very nearly > > said, "Dude, she's not YOUR mother." Fortunately, I had the grace not to > > say either. > Dana, many of us have relatives who just don't get it. The day I was > taking my FIL for his appt to have his FL-2 completed so we could place > him, a sibling of his came and removed him from the house. The person > waited til I was in the shower and just left. I was furious. I would have been damned near homocidal. I don't expect anything like that. But my sister has been talking a lot about how once Mom's out there she wants to have her over for dinner a lot, take her out to lunch, stuff like that. Every professional I've talked to has said that it is *very* important *not* to take Alzheimer's patients out of the residential care situation for the first couple of months -- go visit them there, yes, but not take them elsewhere -- so they'll settle in. I really, really hope that we can make my sister understand that. She's the one of us sibs who's had the hardest time accepting that Mom's as bad as she is. When she visited mom over 4th of July weekend, and discovered that Mom had destroyed her microwave heating cans of cat food in it, she wanted to take mom out to buy a new microwave, instead of seeing that this was a clear sign that mom was beyond being able to cope with a microwave. I can see Mom saying "Oh, please, please, can't I come over to your house?" and Kim seeing taking her as the only humane and dignified thing to do. Then we'll be in a situation of "Please, please don't make me go back to that place!" Which will be even worse. I have to talk to her about this. I hope I can make her get it. Dana >> Dana, many of us have relatives who just don't get it. The day I was >> taking my FIL for his appt to have his FL-2 completed so we could place [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > > Dana Dear Dana, We have all been in your spot at some time or another with our families or friends. There are some people who never can really get it, unfortunately. Your sister needs to study a bit and find out what alzheimers disease is really like to deal with. Can you give her a copy of "the 36 Hour Day" ? It might help. Also having the director or psychologist at the facility explain to her why they prefer things the way they do might help. She might be more inclined to listen to a professional than to you. There is a website for this group which may have something on it you could print out for her also. Let me find the link.... here it is. Please explore this site carefully. It can be very helpful http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') >> Dana, many of us have relatives who just don't get it. The day I was >> taking my FIL for his appt to have his FL-2 completed so we could place [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > months -- go visit them there, yes, but not take them elsewhere -- so > they'll settle in. I wonder if thats just talk, perhaps to mitigate her guilt? Does she do that now, take her out for lunches, visit a lot, etc? But i think you are right, re taking out, definitely a bad idea. If she does, my advice would be, dont be there, so she has the jhassle of getting her back again, that way she'll be less inclined next time. FWIW, my father, and I think this is a general thing, doesn't like to leave the home now, I presume he feels safe there. Doesnt even like to sit outside when we visit, always wants to know when he is going back in! > I really, really hope that we can make my sister understand that. She's > the one of us sibs who's had the hardest time accepting that Mom's as bad [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > Dana I doubt it given what you said. I think the only thing that will do that, is for her to look after your mum, 24x7. Then she'll get it. SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com >>>Dana, many of us have relatives who just don't get it. The day I was >>>taking my FIL for his appt to have his FL-2 completed so we could place [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > I wonder if thats just talk, perhaps to mitigate her guilt? Does she do that > now, take her out for lunches, visit a lot, etc? No, she lives 2000 miles away -- Mom's been around the corner from my brother, in the Chicago suburbs, but we're planning to move her near my sister, in San Diego, partly because she's closest to my sister (though she thinks my sister is *her* sister,) partly because my sister really wants us to, and partly because the idea of mom being in a facility where she can get outdoors year-round is appealing. But i think you are right, > re taking out, definitely a bad idea. If she does, my advice would be, > dont be there, so she has the jhassle of getting her back again, that way > she'll be less inclined next time. Not a chance of that; I'm in southern Indiana. > I doubt it given what you said. I think the only thing that will do that, is > for her to look after your mum, 24x7. Then she'll get it. She's said she'd like to, but it's not feasible. She needs to work. Dana Re: Dana worrying that her sister will take Mom out of the facility against professional advice. Mary responds: Welll.....my advice is not to get into a fight about it....let her do it, and find out for herself what happens. Experience is a great teacher. My MIL was in mid AD and several family members took a niece and my MIL out to a nice lunch. It took an entire pack of us to manage poor Dolli (i.e. to go get her from assisted living....which meant getting there very early to get her ready, since she couldn't remember the appointment, someone to watch her from wandering off while we parked the car, sit her down and keep her at the table, help her order, escort her to the bathroom - supervise her in the bathroom, take her back to the table, blah, blah, blah. The noise and bustle of the restaurant confused her, she couldn't follow the conversation, she got confused about the food and what was hers, she couldn't work things in the bathroom. The whole affair was major league work, and I don't think I could have managed a lunch out with her by myself (i.e. a team was required and even then it was tiring). Same deal with holiday dinners. The last time we tried to take her home, more than 2 years before she died, hubbie went to get her, and even with staff help couldn't get her dressed properly, couldn't get her teeth in or hearing aids in, a coat on etc....she flipped out when she went outside in the evening air, he couldn't get her in the car...entire family waited forever until they arrived (hubby a total wreck by this point), she was confused about where she was or why, had to be watched like a hawk - various relatives were deputized to keep an eye on her and keep her out of trouble and in her chair while various portions of the meal were underway - she couldn't or wouldn't eat much of the meal, she couldn't follow what was said, and the minute dinner was over, she announced she wanted to go to bed....so much for a nice meal and a visit. Your sister will figure all this out, so don't burst her bubble. I'm willing to be she'll very quickly tune in to reality. Dear Dana, Forget the rest, just print out Mary's reply below and give it to your sister. She really does tell it like it is. I could tell similar stories about the times we tried taking my mother in law out, and I am sure so could others here, but Mary has described it quite clearly. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') > Re: Dana worrying that her sister will take Mom out of the facility > against professional advice. [quoted text clipped - 34 lines] > Your sister will figure all this out, so don't burst her bubble. I'm > willing to be she'll very quickly tune in to reality. > Dear Dana, > > Forget the rest, just print out Mary's reply and give it to your > sister. She really does tell it like it is. I could tell similar stories > about the times we tried taking my mother in law out, and I am sure so could > others here, but Mary has described it quite clearly. What Evelyn said. Woodstock I really, really hope that we can make my sister understand that. She's > the one of us sibs who's had the hardest time accepting that Mom's as > bad as she is. Reminds me of my sister. I came to visit Mom in 2002 and found a very confused 80 lb woman who was doing weird things like carrying her purse with her when she took out the garbage (at 5 a.m. when no one was up in the neighborhood), standing at the open front door in her underwear, and misplacing things that she had right where she left them. There were bowls of dirt throughout the house and cake mixes in the freezer. During recent years my sister was shuttling Mom to the ER regularly (she weighed so little she had repeated dizzy spells) but somehow she just didn't have a clue that Mom was not capable of taking care of herself any longer. I think she just did not want to believe it. When I stayed with Mom for 4 days during my visit and saw her behavoir and said she needed to go into assisted care my sister didn't want to push, she didn't want to make a decision for Mom. She wanted to try hiring someone to come in and assist Mom (now Mom would have hated this, she did not like having helpers or roommates). So I had to be the bad guy and force things (since I was returning home 3,000 miles away). It wasn't pretty but I got the job done. Saved my Mom's life probably, prevented an episode of her going walkabout in her undies or falling down the stairs and laying there for days, anyway. No one wants to accept that their parent----that strong independent person you have always looked up to---is no longer a capable adult but more like a helpless child. Throughout this journey into dementia my sister has kept saying, "she could live for years and years, it could be 5 or 10 years longer". She has told me that she had a conversation with my Mom during a visit (a very positive spin on someone who may say one or two words). Early this month my Mom fell and broke her hip, she had hip replacement surgery and has basically never recovered. She went to a rehab/skilled nursing facility but was not able to learn to use her hip, she has been in a sleep-state since that time and eaten little. On Saturday she was admitted to the hospital for breathing problems. It was discovered that she had several infections and the doc said we had the choice of a feeding tube or hospice. We agreed on hospice and so Mom's time is limited now and I feel a sense of relief and peace that she will not have to endure any more days of decline. It has definitely been a long long rough road. Jan-ed > On Saturday she was admitted to the hospital for breathing problems. > It was discovered that she had several infections and the doc said we > had the choice of a feeding tube or hospice. We agreed on hospice and > so Mom's time is limited now and I feel a sense of relief and peace > that she will not have to endure any more days of decline. It has > definitely been a long long rough road. I pray for a comfortable end to her pain and yours. Dana Jan-ed, I think you all made a very wise choice. May your mom be kept comfortable and have an easy passing when the time comes. Gwen >I really, really hope that we can make my sister understand that. > She's [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > > Jan-ed > Yes, my father HAS been diagnosed with moderate dementia. Are there no > alternatives to those hideous "last-stop" nursing homes for people like > him? there are indeed other facilities, but not all types are available everywhere. there are assisted living facilities, which provide things like meals and cleaning, which work well for folks that need to be somewhere secure but can still function at some things. you might also want to check to see if there are any small group homes in your area. these are usually privately run, with a residential staff and 4 to 6 residents, often located in residential neighborhoods. it was the perfect answer for my great aunt after she broke her hip at age 98 --- she was too cranky for the busy staff at the best nursing home in portland ore, but the smaller staff and residential setting worked well for her until she died a year later. |
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