Sorry, gang. I don't know how I managed to get that attachment in this.
Did not plan that.
 > Hi, all:
 > It's been a while since I posted here. Thought I'd get back in touch
with
 > you to see how everyone else is handling life. I'm glad to see Evelyn,
 > Dennis, and Tumbleweed still here!
 > I was taking care of my husband, George. It was becomming more and more
a
 > full-time job, but we were handling it fairly well. He was doing fairly
well
 > actually. I had several doctors tell me it was time to look for a place
but
 > never really wanted to do that. I had actually promised him I would
"never"
 > put him in a nursing facility! He was getting worse but the decline was
very
 > slow.
 > Then we went to Hawai'i for 9 days this past May. George did very well
on
 > the plane over. When we got to the airport in Honolulu and our shuttle
 > service tried to get us into the van, George bacame confused. I tried to
 > help him and he hit me in the head with the back of his hand. The driver
and
 > an aide got him settled down and into the van. Got to the hotel and he
was
 > fine.....until that evening when he just knew I was going out and
partying!
 > Everyday was fine; every night he was convinced I was running around
with a
 > bunch of guys. Then we headed back to San Diego. We got 2 hours out of
 > Honolulu and the captain had to declare an emergency and turn around:
the
 > windshield had shattered. Got back to Honolulu and George called the
flight
 > attendant over and told her "My wife shattered the windshield. She's
trying
 > to kill me." Thankfully, I had given out business cards warning that
George
 > had AD!
 > Once home, he seemed to be okay. Then he got tangled up in his seatbelt.
I
 > tried to help him out of it. He slugged me with his fist right in my
chest.
 > I blocked the second punch. Two days later, I took him with me to the
store.
 > He was fine at first. Then he suddenly became aggitated and aggressive.
That
 > caused me to put him in the hospital for "evaluation" for 18 days. When
he
 > came home, he was so drugged up on Risperdal that he was a vegetable. I
 > finally lowered the doseage of the Risperdal and he came out of it
somewhat.
 > But he could hardly walk, couldn't talk, and was totally incontinent. I
 > spent a week utilizing a home health nurse from 7:00 PM to 7:00 AM so I
 > could get some sleep. That was costing me $240.00 per dayThis past
Monday, I
 > had to have George placed. He's now in a lovely place called Lo-Har
Gardens.
 > It's in El Cajon, which is inland and very hot during the summer (thank
God
 > they have air conditioning!), but the cost was affordable: $3500.00 per
 > month for a semi-private room (right now, it's completely private). I
 > haven't seen him since I took him in -- they told me to stay away until
he
 > got used to his new environment. They said I could come out on July 3rd
(my
 > birthday) when they have an Independence Day party. And they're letting
me
 > bring George's ex-wife, Fran, and our friend, Joe, who lives here and
helps
 > me with the house. I'm a little nervous about it all, really. George is
 > calling me Henry now. He says his wife's name is Fran and has no idea
who
 > Mary could be. So sad.
 > Is this common? For someone to be doing fairly well then suddenly
 > deteriorate so rapidly?
 >
 > Mary K
 >
 >
 >

Hi Mary,

Welcome back.   I don't know if it is 'common,' but I have certainly heard
of it, right here on this newsgroup, in fact.

This is not a professional opinion, just that of an observant lay-person;
There are often many factors at work.  Not only could the person have
alzheimers, but often they may develop other things, such as mini-strokes.
Would it be worth putting him through all sorts of testing to discover
exactly what it was?  A tough call.

Whatever it is that caused his sudden decline, it is where he is "at" just
now, and what you have to work with.   Like so many others, you have come to
a place where taking care of him at home has become an impossibility.   We
never thought we'd come to that place either, but we did at a certain point.

It is interesting that you first really noticed his 'sudden' decline while
travelling.   There is something about removing the person from his or her
familiar setting that seems to show their deficits and inability to adjust
to new situations, really clearly.

I recall very vividly how when my husbands daughter got married some time
ago, back in the early 90's, and Ida went with us to Florida to attend the
wedding, how she drove us CRAZY, with her nearly irrational behavior.   It
may have been the first clue, and we totally missed it.   We just thought
she was 'strange,' and that her behavior was simply 'out of line.'
Actually now that I think about it, it showed a person who just couldn't
cope with new situations, and may have been the first sign of her developing
illness.

I am glad to hear that your husband is in a good place, and that you are
coping well.   I imagine it is hard for you just now, as it was for us when
we first placed my mother in law in a nursing home.   I can only offer you a
couple of pieces of advice:

1.   Don't feel guilty.   You did the best you could.   He is a man and he
is stronger than you, and he was getting a little aggressive.   You tried,
but it isn't a failure to admit that it got too hard.   The rules of the
game changed as his illness progressed.

2.  Please try to get out and enjoy your life again as soon as possible.
Nobody can know the big picture, but you are here and you are still
functioning, and you need to live your life to the best of your ability.
We are a long time dead.   Visit him, care about him, look after him, but
don't lose your own focus or your sense of who YOU are.

3.  Happy birthday (in two more days).   Maybe you should enjoy your
birthday and go visit him a day later than the 3rd?   Your birthday is a day
you should try to really enjoy.

Don't feel bad if he doesn't recognize you as his wife, he also may not
recognize who Fran is either, since she was much younger in his memory, and
she lives only in some place in his mind.    It is typical of the illness
for the person to lose the newer memories first, and to live somewhat in the
past, until that too, goes away.

(((((((((  hug  )))))))))

somehow I thought you might need one.

it can be from what I've read here,  though it can also be the other way,
for example my dad seems to be on a very slow and gradual downwards slope
with no particular /abrupt/ chnages in behaviour. In some ways the latter
can be more difficult to deal with because there is no one particular
incident (as you had) that leads you to say 'thats enough', not that I'm
belittling what happened to you, I think you were very brave to take him to
Hawaii!! Hopefully you did enjoy the most of it?

Again, from what I have read here and also from personal experience, its
when you take someone out of their normal environment, albeit just a long
car trip or a relatives house perhaps, that the behaviour can really
deteriorate because there is more confusion for them, something thats
extremely difficult to understand or appreciate from our point of view. When
my dad used to visit my house it became a nightmare, he would start asking
when (and how) he was going home *literally* every minute, from the minute
he arrived. I used to write down all the answers to his Q's and give it to
him to read. Then typically he'd put it in a pocket for safe keeping and
forget he had it, LOL :-)

(LOL now, it wasnt funny at the time!)

I think many of us here have speculated that as the brain loses capabilities
there is spare capacity left to enable functioning of a specific behaviour,
but eventually you'll lose that last tiny little bit that means that it can
no longer cope. Hence the sudden deterioration in a behaviour even though
the actual underlying decline might be constant. I suppose its like a car
running out of petrol (gas to most here :-), until that last bit in the tank
is used, the car can travel fine, the last drop is used and the suddenly car
stops.

Excellent advice here from Evelyn, as always, and I think
Tumbleweed is exactly right about what happens when we
see abrupt changes in behavior.

If you gradually close your eyes while walking, you can
still see well enough to walk okay until, at a certain point,
you can't do it any more.  The change in vision is gradual
but the change in the ability to walk successfully is much
more sudden.

I think the gradual accumulation of brain deficits may have
similar effects on behavior.  The patient holds things
together with more and more effort, and then suddenly
can't do it any more.  So we see fairly abrupt behavioral
changes correlated with very gradual underlying
physiological changes.

My mother raised me to believe that placing an elderly
person in a "home" (meaning an institution) was about
the worst thing that a family could do to an elderly
person.  When my father and I took her to an Alzheimer's
I felt terrible about it.  But after getting more experience
with my mother, later my father, and then my mother-in-law,
I came to see it very differently.

I hope that AD never happens to me.  But if it does, I
want my wife and children to continue to live the lives
they are capable of and not waste themselves trying to
care for a man who can't really benefit from their care.

A good Alzheimer's home won't give the personalized
care that you gave, but on the other hand, they'll be able
to do a lot of things you couldn't do for your husband -
group activities, music sessions, little parties and, such
as it is, the companionship of others like himself - all
in a very non-demanding, orderly, well regulated, easy
to cope with life.  This may be just what he needs most.

Good luck.

   Alan