Yes, I agree with you, Tumbleweed.   I wouldn't want any of my children to
have to go through what we went through while taking care of Ida at home.

I think I could deal with the patronizing sounding babytalk Meg describes,
as long as it came from a caring attitude.   I say this because when I was
last in the hospital two years ago with a broken shoulder, I encountered
many nurses and aides, and there were some of those who talked "down" to me
when I was in total misery, but they did it out of kindness, and I didn't
take it as disrespectful.  I think that when we are vulnerable and ill, we
all can stand a little "babying".   It doesn't necessarily mean disrespect,
it can mean affectionate caring.   Long after peoples memories are shot,
they can still remember how they are treated and how you make them feel.

What scares me are those who get hired (by certain nursing homes) with bad
attitudes, and who really don't like the old people.   I saw that first hand
in the nursing home in the Bronx, where my mother in law's sister was sent.
It was awful.   That poor woman died in an awful hell hole of a nursing
home.   It was why we went to all possible ends to get my mother in law into
our area, where we could closely supervise her care, after we no longer
could care for her at home.

I must tell you Ida got excellent care there.   There were some patients in
her alzheimer unit that were in terrible shape, but the staff and aides and
caregivers were all very kind people who really loved the old folks.   I
think they showed more patience and kindness than I ever could have had.   I
say this considering that there were some especially challenging behaviors
we saw, yet they were always treated kindly and professionally by staff.
Mind you that the visiting hours were from 8 am until 8 pm, all day long!
If you can drop in any time you can see a lot of what goes on.

Nursing homes may seem rotten places to those of us who are normal enough to
function in the world, but a good professional facility can save a lot of
family stress as well as the patient's dignity.   Even having seen and
experienced what it is like, I would still rather not burden my children if
I needed the care.

Good point.

This is what my brother keeps coming back to.  He keeps saying, "I know
that my mother, in her right mind, would say, "Don't ruin your own life.
 I have money, spend it on my care."  And he's right.

Actually, in her right mind, mom would really say, "Please kill me.  I
don't want to live like that."  I know, because *several* times over the
years she asked me very specifically to "leave the pills on the bedside
table" if she ever had Alzheimer's.  But of course, what she never
anticipated was that once she had it, she wouldn't know she had it, and
wouldn't be able to make a choice like that.

Dana