Dana,

If you're going to be looking at places in San Diego, let me recommend
Belmont Village. We just put my Mother
there last month, and are totally thrilled with the place. Everything you
could want for an assisted living place, and
the staff is truly on top of things. For a private studio apartment +
medication management, we are paying $4180.
It's in the Poway area.

Mike

Dana, one word of advice - if you are checking out places, make them
spell out exactly what your mother has to be able to do independently.

within 6 months or year, she will begin to need some heavier duty care
-i.e. continence issues, a locked ward, complete supervision and
assistance with bathing and dressing, herding to meals etc.

Make sure the place you choose has some graduated care, or you may find
that she is kicked out in short order - many places really do only
offer "assisted living" and what they mean by that can be quite
different than what you envision - and they can be quite shirty and
precipitous about it.

I hate to say this, but the coming phase of deterioration will be much
more devastating than what has gone before, just because the losses
will be bigger in nature, and come in relatively rapid succession (i.e.
the complete loss of some basic skills). My mother in law was in better
shape than your mom when she went to assisted living, and it was okay
for only a year - and then she was more than they could handle -
getting up at night and wandering, getting lost in the building,
needing to be sheparded to every meal and every activity because she
couldn't tell time or recall what was happening, total supervision of
dressing or bathing or she'd do the first inappropriately and the
second not at all. We then had to find a specialized Alzheimer's locked
unit.

Look ahead pessimistically, and then be pleasantly surprised and
relieved if things progress more slowly - but at least then you will be
prepared for the worst and not shocked the day a director of care calls
you to say she's got to go.

Mary

These kinds of things are a terrible strain on everyone.

My father-in-law died recently, not of Alzheimer's.  In his
final illness each of his four children had his own opinion on
what to do and how to care for him.  Two of the siblings
came near to blows about it.

I wanted to take each one aside and say "Your brother/sister is about
to lose his or her father.  Don't be too hard on him/her.  He/she feels
terrible too."

I think the living need to come closer together at a time like this
and renew their love and concern for each other.  Part of the
family is slipping away.  Often it's the older generation that held things
together.  We who remain are becoming the older generation
and it is now our responsibility to take over the task.

   Alan