Well that happened really quickly. There was a spot and we took it. This is horrible. She is totally freaked out and so am I. She remembered my name for the first time in six months and kept saying "I have a daughter, where is she" etc. Oh So Yuck!

I know it will get better because it cannot be worse.

Yes though things will still go missing anyway :-)

Hope it goes well

Lesanne, you can use laundry markers, but they will fade with time and have to be done again.  That's what I did with my dad.
Gwen
 Things are moving along. I know some of the nurses who work in this home. Mom wants to "go home" all day here also, so what else is new :). And as you know we have people here 24/7, the major difference there will be that it is not me. I will be able to go back to work.

 I am really looking forward to being alone in the house actually, I am just afraid to hope that it is actually going to happen! Our Doctor is cooperating with the papers this morning, and that was not a certainty. It is a relief that they have that set up. I think she will protest the busy-ness at first, but hopefully she will adjust and not get kicked out of there. That is my main fear now, that she will be so disruptive that they will not keep her. I did wait a little too long. Whatever. I am really in a state, but hopefully I will calm down when it is all done.

 What about laundry markers? Can I write her name in her things with those?

 --
 Les
   "Evelyn Ruut" <mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com> wrote in message news:_M24g.34498$cY3.14670@news-wrt-01.rdc-nyc.rr.com...
   Dear Lesanne,

   I hope all goes well, and you and your mom have the good wishes of everyone here, I am sure.  

   The one thing I was impressed by with the nursing home (when we placed Ida), was the fact that everyone there was a professional.   That we really honestly COULD trust her to them.   They knew how to handle everything very well.   But it was still a difficult transition for us, probably more then for her.  

   Can you arrange to have someone stay in the house with you for a day or two?   Not that you couldn't stay alone, but that you might feel less lonely for a day or two.   You need to think about yourself too.

   Good luck with it all, Lesanne.  Expect to feel some guilt, but know that you are doing the right thing.

   On the up-side, the busy-ness and social atmosphere of the nursing home is very good for stimulating their social skills.   Many nursing homes stop most of the drugs the patients were on, to establish a new baseline.   The reason for this is that they claim home cared for patients have often been over-medicated for behavioral reasons.  This often works out very well for their motor skills.  

   There is someone there to watch them 24/7, and during the days there are people who do physical therapy, there are amusements and all sorts of social things going on.  When I saw how this was, I actually realized that Ida could have been admitted there sooner, and maybe even benefitted.   It was always someones birthday, and there were communal entertainments, and colorful decorations and the food was decent.

   Expect to be entreated often to "go home."   It isn't because the place is bad, it is because they long for the time of autonomy and personal control back when they were well.   I imagine you already know that, but it is very hard to deal with.   The other hard thing to deal with is the other patients, some of whom are in really bad shape, exhibiting strange behavior.  

   Make sure every article of clothing has a name label on it, even underwear and socks.   I ordered labels, planning to do it myself, but the facility had their own.  Ask how the facility you are using manages this.  All the clothing managed to disappear and re-appear on a regular basis, but Ida was dressed in clean clothing every day, whether it was hers or not.   Don't send ANY valuables there with her.  

   Since others reported these same sort of situations, I think it may be just a fact of nursing home life everywhere.  

   Good luck.... and it is probably going to be some time before you really and truly start fully feeling like yourself again.  For us it took almost a year.   We were that burnt out.   You may be so too, far more than you realize.

   The best news of all?  We would stop and watch Ida when she wouldn't know we had arrived yet, and she seemed comfortable and actually happy, and all the nurses loved her there.

   I hope all goes well for you and for her, and that you get some rest too.

   --

   Best Regards,

   Evelyn
   (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

     "Lesanne" <larnim48@nothotmail.com> wrote in message news:3XV3g.37566$0Z4.299@tornado.texas.rr.com...
     I found a nursing home I can stand. Tomorrow I will take papers to our Doctor and see what that entails. This could happen as early as the first part of next week. I feel really funny. It is like part of me is ignoring the whole thing, this little part every now and then hops up and down and screams, and another part is scared, and.....

     My friends are all delighted. My nephew is delighted (says he has been wondering if I was going for sainthood or something)

     The live in housekeeper is going to be distressed to the max because she will have to go, but I will need someone who speaks better Spanish than I do to address that issue. I want her to understand. I think of the possibility of sleeping in an empty house as soon as next week and a part of me just sort of shuts down, like I am afraid to think it.

     I actually think Mom will like it better than here, because of the people rolling and walking around. We are going to try her out in a private room, but if she wanders too much they will want to move her to the secured unit into a semi private. There is only one empty bed in there, so we could end up in trouble if she does wander and then there is no place for her. I hope this works.

     --
     Lesanne

 Things are moving along. I know some of the nurses who work in this home. Mom wants to "go home" all day here also, so what else is new :). And as you know we have people here 24/7, the major difference there will be that it is not me. I will be able to go back to work.

 I am really looking forward to being alone in the house actually, I am just afraid to hope that it is actually going to happen! Our Doctor is cooperating with the papers this morning, and that was not a certainty. It is a relief that they have that set up. I think she will protest the busy-ness at first, but hopefully she will adjust and not get kicked out of there. That is my main fear now, that she will be so disruptive that they will not keep her. I did wait a little too long. Whatever. I am really in a state, but hopefully I will calm down when it is all done.

 What about laundry markers? Can I write her name in her things with those?

 --
 Les

 Hi Lesanne, the facility we used told us that if we dropped off the clothing at the front desk in a bag or basket with her name information on it, their own laundry people would label everything in their own way, and they did.  The labels did very little good.   The patients often go "shopping" in each others closets, and the clothing always manages to get mixed up, but they always had clean clothes on her every day anyway :-/  

 I had all her outfits beautifully color coordinated and pants for each top etc.   Needless to say that lasted all of a week, and it was all a hodgepodge after that.   I decided that it wasn't worth making a stink over, because of the simple fact that she was treated so kindly by all the staff.   No need to make a fuss and maybe create enmity over clothes.   Aftterwards I left all the clothing there, since some of the aides asked me to.   They needed it there, and I certainly couldn't use any of it, so I was glad it could do some good.

 --

 Best Regards,

 Evelyn
 (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

   "Evelyn Ruut" <mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com> wrote in message news:_M24g.34498$cY3.14670@news-wrt-01.rdc-nyc.rr.com...
   Dear Lesanne,

   I hope all goes well, and you and your mom have the good wishes of everyone here, I am sure.  

   The one thing I was impressed by with the nursing home (when we placed Ida), was the fact that everyone there was a professional.   That we really honestly COULD trust her to them.   They knew how to handle everything very well.   But it was still a difficult transition for us, probably more then for her.  

   Can you arrange to have someone stay in the house with you for a day or two?   Not that you couldn't stay alone, but that you might feel less lonely for a day or two.   You need to think about yourself too.

   Good luck with it all, Lesanne.  Expect to feel some guilt, but know that you are doing the right thing.

   On the up-side, the busy-ness and social atmosphere of the nursing home is very good for stimulating their social skills.   Many nursing homes stop most of the drugs the patients were on, to establish a new baseline.   The reason for this is that they claim home cared for patients have often been over-medicated for behavioral reasons.  This often works out very well for their motor skills.  

   There is someone there to watch them 24/7, and during the days there are people who do physical therapy, there are amusements and all sorts of social things going on.  When I saw how this was, I actually realized that Ida could have been admitted there sooner, and maybe even benefitted.   It was always someones birthday, and there were communal entertainments, and colorful decorations and the food was decent.

   Expect to be entreated often to "go home."   It isn't because the place is bad, it is because they long for the time of autonomy and personal control back when they were well.   I imagine you already know that, but it is very hard to deal with.   The other hard thing to deal with is the other patients, some of whom are in really bad shape, exhibiting strange behavior.  

   Make sure every article of clothing has a name label on it, even underwear and socks.   I ordered labels, planning to do it myself, but the facility had their own.  Ask how the facility you are using manages this.  All the clothing managed to disappear and re-appear on a regular basis, but Ida was dressed in clean clothing every day, whether it was hers or not.   Don't send ANY valuables there with her.  

   Since others reported these same sort of situations, I think it may be just a fact of nursing home life everywhere.  

   Good luck.... and it is probably going to be some time before you really and truly start fully feeling like yourself again.  For us it took almost a year.   We were that burnt out.   You may be so too, far more than you realize.

   The best news of all?  We would stop and watch Ida when she wouldn't know we had arrived yet, and she seemed comfortable and actually happy, and all the nurses loved her there.

   I hope all goes well for you and for her, and that you get some rest too.

   --

   Best Regards,

   Evelyn
   (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

     "Lesanne" <larnim48@nothotmail.com> wrote in message news:3XV3g.37566$0Z4.299@tornado.texas.rr.com...
     I found a nursing home I can stand. Tomorrow I will take papers to our Doctor and see what that entails. This could happen as early as the first part of next week. I feel really funny. It is like part of me is ignoring the whole thing, this little part every now and then hops up and down and screams, and another part is scared, and.....

     My friends are all delighted. My nephew is delighted (says he has been wondering if I was going for sainthood or something)

     The live in housekeeper is going to be distressed to the max because she will have to go, but I will need someone who speaks better Spanish than I do to address that issue. I want her to understand. I think of the possibility of sleeping in an empty house as soon as next week and a part of me just sort of shuts down, like I am afraid to think it.

     I actually think Mom will like it better than here, because of the people rolling and walking around. We are going to try her out in a private room, but if she wanders too much they will want to move her to the secured unit into a semi private. There is only one empty bed in there, so we could end up in trouble if she does wander and then there is no place for her. I hope this works.

     --
     Lesanne

I'm sure that they understand that adjustment takes a little
time, and they are used to doing that.