1. Why do you feel you need to speak for Deborah? I don't see why Deborah
can't speak for herself. She appears to be able to type, use her PC for NG
posting and she seems to speak English. So why can't she say what's on her
mind? Why do YOU need to speak for her?

Come to think of it, Evelyn, you seem to do this a lot. You seem to have a
compulsive need to get into the middle of any sort of debate or conflict you
think is going on to try to manage people's feelings. I see there's a few
people here you always seem to feel the need to "back up", like here you're
speaking for Deborah as though she can't respond herself directly, and you
want to control my feelings about Dennis, as if there's some reason it
matters to you what my good opinion of him is. He says he's killfiling me
and you say nothing. I say I'm killfiling him too and then you feel the need
to jump in to say that he's really a nice guy and you hope I'll someday have
a better opinion of him. Why? Why do you care whether I have a good opinion
of Dennis or not? You obviously don't care whether he has a good opinion of
me.

Who elected you ASA spokesperson or ambassador? Your behavior seems very
co-dependent to me. You're enmeshed.

2. I don't think I've come on strong at all. The true fact is, others have
come on rather strong w/ me. I started out by posting a fairly sympathetic,
reasonable toned reply to the guy here ranting about how men in the south
won't give him a fair chance and Dennis had nothing to say to me other than
blasting me for using net shorthand, which he himself uses. And a few of you
got behind him and said he was right and that I should get in line and do as
he says. Then you and a couple of others ridiculed me for using the word
madam, which is a perfectly legitimate English language word and a whole lot
more polite and more respectable than a great many other things I could've
said. Only people w/ their minds in the gutter would insinuate the word
refers to the prostitution industry. Next, I share some personal things
about myself and I get more insults from Dennis and you quickly jump in to
tell me I should have a good opinion of him because he's really such a great
guy. Next, I support Barb on feelings she expressed about the purpose of the
NG and concerns about what one person's obsessing over some unrelated topic
is doing to the atmosphere here and I get told by Deborah that I should lurk
only and learn, whatever that means. Then you jump in once again to lecture
me some more in your preachy way. I would call all of that coming on very
strong by those of you who did it.

Talk about classic projection. A few of you are rude and insulting and
hostile and take a morally superior attitude to me (the latter would be U
Evelyn)
and I offer supportive comments to people and you tell me *I'm* coming on
strong?? U sure have things twisted IMO.

Under almost all circumstances I am an extremely nice person. Most people
who know me tell me often that I'm one of the nicest people they know. What
am I *not* is a doormat. If someone is rude or insulting or abusive or
obnoxious to me, I'm unlikely to sit around passively and let such things
fly, although, for the most part, I've been ignoring your bossy comments to
me, Evelyn. But if people behave badly, I'm likely to let them have it. I
think my reply to Deborah was admirably civil and tame considering her
message to me seemed to be "shut up and keep your opinions to yourself here"
which I would say is quite rude, inappropriate, and hardly what I would call
"nice". And then you get into the act and feel the need to speak for her.

The majority of the people I've seen here I would say are exceptionally
nice, behave well and treat each other civilly. But there are a few who have
not been at all nice to or supportive of me, but have been rude and nasty
w/o justification. So if it's your view that people should be nice to each
other in this NG, then why don't you and Dennis and Deborah and a couple of
others who have been hardly charitable toward me strive for the principle
you supposedly hold for participants in this NG and knock-off the jerk
behavior. That means, cut out the lecturing, giving of mandates, giving of
unsoliticed advice, assuming a self-righteous attitude, using a preachy
tone, telling people what to do, think and feel and trying to manage and
control everybody and every thing and every discussion.

Don't lecture me on how no one here needs more stress by getting it in this
NG when you are a major contributor to the stress-causing hostility here,
and a major co-dependent defender of those w/ hostile attitudes. When you
begin to practice what you preach, only then will you have earned the right
to instruct others on how they should behave. You and Dennis and Deborah, as
examples, are a long way from that.

That's *my* word to the wise.

Oh, and btw...I certainly hope you're not offended by me saying any of this,
Evelyn. There really is no reason you should be.

~katelyn~

No, Barb, of course you were not doing that. I can tell just from what I've
read of you that that's not who you are (to tell someone what to do).

But FTR, I don't believe Deborah's remark to me was "meant in a good way". I
took it to mean she thinks I should shut up and keep my opinions to myself.
I don't see what other way there is to take what she said. And I can't think
of 1 good way a remark of that kind could be mean

I don't really care, however. I don't plan on spending any more time on it.
I do hope you're feeling less guilty now about having to leave your mother
alone in a different part of your house now and again though, now that
you've had time to reflect on it. It sounds like you are. I'm glad.

I feel guilty I don't do more for my dad, and for getting short and
impatient with him on the phone and in talking to him face to face at times.
I wish I had the patience of a saint, but I'm only human and AD is a *very*
difficult disease. All we can do is the best we can...and it sounds like
you're doing that, and that your "best" is considerably more than the
average joe's.

~katelyn~

Thank you, Meg! That's very kind of you.

What's you situation (if you don't mind talking about it)?

~katelyn~