One that worked well for my FIL with my MIL, and now for a co-worker
with her mother, is to say "Okay, we'll go home, then" and put her in
the car and drive around the block a couple times.  It usually only
takes one to two trips around before she says  "Oh, that's my house!"
and they can pull into the driveway and go home.

Beth

Hi,

We were faced with many situations like this with Ida.   We would often note
that she may have had Alzheimers, but she certainly wasn't "stupid" and
could not always be fooled or put off even by the most carefully worded or
thought out, of loving deceptions.

But for the lack of a better response, a 'loving deception' reply was as
good as any, and at least it had a small chance of "working".

In the instance that one reply does not put your loved one to rest, just
wait five more minutes.... you will have another chance to reply, since
almost nothing you will say is retained anyway.  It is just the nature of
the illness.

Ida imagined she had cows to feed, chores to do, a baby to feed,..... all
sorts of things.  We were nearly at our wits end in dealing with her
powerful delusions and imaginings and of course, the repetitious questions.

But it was definitely worse when the questions began to slow down, because
that meant she was losing more and more of her tenuous grip on reality, and
her balance began to get worse as well.

It is nearly a year that she is gone now.   I am grateful that I had the
opportunity to care for her for a number of reasons.   We had a chance to
make our peace together, and we also had the opportunity to make her last
five years of life as good as we possibly could under the circumstances.   I
am also very glad that she is finally at peace.

Loving deception is not perfect, but then nothing is.   I don't know if you
get "Dear Abby" in your newspaper, but in todays paper her column was all
about this very subject, with replies from several experts, all of whom said
that it was definitely kinder to use loving deception especially in certain
highly charged situations.   Most of us who have had experience with loved
ones who had or have the illness could vouch for that.

One letter was about a woman who agonized about what to tell her mother who
imagined she was not at home, but that she really lived with her long dead
parents in her childhood home, a place long gone, a situation quite similar
to "JJ's" mother.

Another letter was about a person who repeatedly responded with overwhelming
grief, like it was the very first time she'd heard it, every time she was
told that her husband was long dead years beforehand.   Finally she was able
to relax and live her life in peace when the staff where she lived, all
agreed to say he was coming to see her "later" every time she asked.