Years ago, I consulted a Jungian therapist after a  painful divorce (
they are all painful but this one was especially tough). I had been
referred to her by the Tavistock clinic in London where I was living at
the time. The therapist, an Austrian woman, had lived in Vienna most of
her life until, five years before our meeting. Her English was heavily
accented and between my American dialect and cultural references and
her own linguistic/cultural background we immediate found ourselves in
a quagmire. She was having a difficult time understanding what I was
trying to express even though I was taking pains to speak as slowly and
carefully as possible. I realized that her interpretation of my
emotional situation would probably be sketchy at best and my
comprehension of her analysis could be of limited value. I didn't
return after the first visit.

In The Doors of Perception, Aldous Huxley wrote:
"We live  together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always
and in all        circumstances we are by ourselves....We can  pool
information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves.
   From family to nation, every human group is a society of island
universes."

How can anyone, know where I'm going if he's never walked in my shoes?

Now at the age of 72, and becoming increasingly aware of my retreat
into the "sunset" of my mind, I look back on my experience and wonder
if there is anyone with whom I can "pool experience".
I have been studying Buddhism on and off since I was sixteen. I even
introduced my father to it at that time and he followed (some) of the
precepts until he died about 50 years later.
My introduction to Buddhist thought was through Suzuki and Alan Watts.
Mostly Zen at first but after years of inactivity, I resumed my
exploration by way of Tibetan Buddhism, first with a "New Kadampa"
group in Santa Barbara and then an "FPMT" group (Gelupa tradition) .
Finally after a few years of exploration, I realized that the Tibetan
Buddhist tradition, notwithstanding the current Dalai Lama, was not for
me or more accurately, I wasn't suited to the dogma and ritual so
implicit in the practice.

One of the pillars of the Tibetan tradition as far as I can determine,
is "Guru Yoga" which in the words of the Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso,
means "dedicating yourself to one's own teacher."  Innocuous as this
sounds, it is often extended to: " the dharmakaya, the transcendental
wisdom of the non-dual bliss and voidness
of all the buddhas. That is the absolute guru. This absolute   guru
manifests in various forms as there is the need, according   to our
karma, according to our mind."
according to the founder of the FPMT (Foundation for the Preservation
of the Mayahana Tradition), "Lama Yeshe".

The "Lamas" themselves are considered by Tibetan Buddhist  to be
reincarnations  or manifestations of holy beings and as such are
virtually infallible in their spiritual teachings. Having survived a
Roman Catholic I find this all far too familiar. Prostrating oneself
before a Lama, or venerating the relics of one deceased, takes me back
to the world of my childhood and one that I consciously rejected. This
is "Idolatry" which according to
Mahatma Ghandi:" is worship of stock and stone believing it to be God."

So I said "goodbye to the yellow (hat) road" and went on my way along
the road I started on so many years ago. But I'm no longer the man I
used to be and my diminishing short term memory is beginning to
frighten me. I have no clinical confirmation but I seriously believe
that I am on my way to senile dementia and I'm not sure what I should
do about it. When I gently explained my fears in a letter to my
daughter last week she wisely suggest I simply accept my "challenges"
and compensate as best I can but I'm afraid of sinking into the
vegetative state that my father-in-law succumbed to almost 20 years ago
and now lives in a nursing home a serious drain on his family's
emotions and - finances!

What would you do if you were me?