Hi June,

I wonder if your brother just can't handle his mother's deterioration,
so his way of dealing with it is to stay away.

A LOT of my mother in laws life long friends did this. She saw them all
the time, and poof, once she was in assisted living, they stopped
coming by and calling. They'd sometimes call us and ask about her, and
make some comment about how sad it was. It was very clear that many of
them were profoundly unsettled by odd behaviour from her, and just
couldn't cope.

Mary G.

If it were my brother i'd say something like "mom said it's been a long
time since she heard your voice and i told her you were busy but that
one of these days you'd call". Easy does it.

Hi June,

My mother in law had only one child, my husband..... so we were *it* as far
as family goes, but there were of course many friends who shared my mother
in laws life.   One, her closest friend, died shortly after she came to live
with us.   The others all disappeared, as some were totally disgusted with
her depression, odd behaviors, and what they couldn't fix or change, they
simply avoided.

In the case of a parent, sometimes people just cannot adjust to the fact
that the person who was such a powerful adult role model for all their life,
is gradually becoming more ill and weak and needing the most basic needs
provided for them.   It is my opinion that your brother may be like that.
He may be more deserving of compassion than our annoyance over it.

As Nati suggested, I would very gently suggest to him that he might give her
a call once in a while so she who loved and cared for him when he was little
helpless, should likewise feel loved and cared for, now that she is old and
ill.

If he doesn't do it, it is unfortunate, because he is probably going to feel
guilty about it later on.

I might add that if he doesn't do it, it may almost turn out to be OK
because your mom may just forget that he hasn't called in a while.
Eventually my mother in law just forgot the friends who didn't call her, but
it may be harder when it is a son.