Hi all

This is the 6th week my husband has been in hospital and although he
seemed to have improved physcially the 'fits' as he calls them, they
are episodes which are trance like, have returned, one of them lasting
for 45 minutes.

Today he rang me early and said he wanted me to bring the newspaper in
so he could look for somewhere to live and asked me to ring him back.
When I did he asked me to come to our home and let him get his stuff as
he was being discharged and it was obvious that I did not want him
anymore.

I checked with hospital staff and was told he was NOT being discharged,
even though he was adamant that he gave the papers to the nurse.

When I went to see him this evening he was so upset and kept asking why
I was doing this to him as he said the nurses all told him that he was
still held at the hospital because I would not take him home.

He promised me the house and his pension if I would just let him be
discharged and that he would find a one bedroom place and live on his
own.

This broke my heart to see him so distressed and to have him thinking I
just don't care. Of course he was not rational and was decidedly
paranoid about the nurses and doctors, but he is right in that I have
to say I cannot have him at home to have any chance of his being placed
in a home.

I tried to make him understand it is his safety that concerns me and
that after he is assessed by a geriatrition and a neuropsychologist we
would have more of an understanding of what is going on with him and
this may help with a placement as the Aged Care Assessment Team have
already said he can cope on his own, so we need something further to
have him placed and it is valid for 1 yr.

A grown man crying and asking me what had he done and apologising for
everything was almost too much for me to bear. There was no way I could
make him understand, even though he is still pretty much with it.

He told me he would rather be dead!!! This is not helped by a nurse,
seeing him upset, told him he could discharge himself.

Where do I get the strength to do what must be done? All I wanted to do
was to tell him, yes you can come home. But I do know that not only
would he be not safe here on his own but eventually he will go back to
that nasty, spiteful, paranoid, aggressive person who made my life hell
for so long . It might be a short time or perhaps a long time but it
will happen again, I know this.

I also know that he would be bored and lonely again as he was before
all this started and would most likely revert to his other interests,
being the porn sites on the internet.

If any of you out there are religious perhaps you will say a prayer for
me? I need some strength to get through this time.

Liz

eventually