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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / November 2005Things are looking up
Hi all.......My brother has finally realized that he should encourage his mother to go to assisted living. I checked the facility that we both liked and she's getting toward the top of the list. He even agreed to duel POA that's the good news. The bad news is I called legal services and they said that would have to have a statement from the doctor stating that she is competent enough to make this decision. 'Sigh' Hell, she wasn't competent the when she signed the first one for my brother. I need to check my brother's POA and see if I'm listed to take over in case he's not able or I can probably find a way around it. I'm more interested in the health care part of the POA because my brother doesn't respond well to emotional situations. He just disappears and won't deal with tough decisions. Since my husband went through all this with his mother recently, my brother is listening to me more now. Maybe I worry too much but honestly after seeing how things went with my MIL, I really need to be involved in this. BTW about my MIL, The doctor put advanced Alzheimer's dementia on her death Cert. I'm thoroughly convinced she never had AZ and what dementia she had was caused by strokes. Her mind was clear when she passed. She was 101 years old practically deaf and blind and was ready to go. Starved herself to death. It was her choice and the family respected it. Guess the doc couldn't put that on her death cert. We've been invited to her sister's 100 year birthday party in a couple of weeks. I remember MIL 100 birthday last year. She was still active and celebrated all month. Every once in awhile someone would show up at her house to take her out. Even went to the horse races with a couple of grandson's. She said they had the best ice cream there. At least my husband has good genes. Good thing since he's 15 years older than me!......June Hi June, It is our experience that they are amazingly flexible about consent matters when a person has dementia. So don't worry, I am pretty sure the doctor will say she is capable of making the decision. Especially if he asks her if she'd like to live in that "lovely place" or comes across as though he is suggesting it gently. I am sure you realize too, that almost everybody connected with these decisions knows what dementia is all about these days, and determining capability to consent has to remain a flexible thing governed by common sense. Few go into assisted living if they are capable of being completely autonomous.  SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') > Hi all.......My brother has finally realized that he should encourage his > mother to go to assisted living. I checked the facility that we both [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > had the best ice cream there. At least my husband has good genes. Good > thing since he's 15 years older than me!......June > he bad news is I called legal services and they > said that would have to have a statement from the doctor stating that she is > competent enough to make this decision. 'Sigh' so call them back and tell them that you AND YOUR BROTHER would like to have their assistance preparing a petition for guardianship, since your brother doesn't wqnt to be responsible for dealing with your mother's care and would rather have you do it even though he was designated. ask them if courts deal well with guardianships. in some states, judges may be required to appoint guardians who are *not* relatives, or it may be customary to do so. in most states, guardians can have the same power the holders of POA have. did your mother make a will before she became ill? >> he bad news is I called legal services and they >> said that would have to have a statement from the doctor stating that she [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > did your mother make a will before she became ill? My brother is not willing to give up POA only share it. I don't want guardianship particularly. I really don't need the courts looking over my shoulder and neither does my brother. We're beginning to agree pretty much on everything. I just thought it would be easier for me to make the emotional decisions. Even if I don't get POA I really must be there for my brother. Of course he would never admit to being emotionally bankrupt. He's 65 never been married. He did have a steady girlfriend for 11 years and she finally gave up on him and married someone else. I don't think my mother made out a will. She always just added names on documents such as stock and cds. She did this when she was in her right mind and quite frankly my older brother is on most of them. She told me that she trusted him and she trusted me. Did not really trust my other brother. She said "You know your own kids." I guess she was right my other brother avoids any responsibility for her. The attorney gave me some ideas of what I could do. She was much nicer than the paralegal I first talked to. When Mom goes into assisted living she will have to have to have a full physical and mental evaluation. At that time I will speak to the doctor about it. I'm sure that Mom would understand that I would have say in what happens to her and perhaps we can go from there. My mother has been widowed 3 times. I know the decisions she made for her husbands when they were dying. She did not want them kept here artificially. No machines, no feeding tubes etc. She had told me that's what she wants for herself. I have reminded my brother of her wishes and he agrees but I'm afraid that he could be talked into going against those wishes by a nurse or a doctor. I'm probably worrying over nothing. I have a living will and I sure wish my mother had one. I always appreciate your input Dennis. I don't know what the future holds but I must be prepared for whatever comes....June June-- Most Drs & nurses that I've spoken with do not discourage DNR's when it comes to Alz patients. Perhaps, you have not been privy to all conversations between your brother & mother. Yep, I agree, a mother knows her children. You must be careful not to stir up bad feelings among your siblings. POA is usually about financial things. Seems, your brother is not too easily persuaded if he could hold making commitment to marriage for 11 yrs.. ;-) In NC, Guardianship through the court will override POA. > in most states, > guardians can have the same power the holders of POA have. > > did your mother make a will before she became ill? June, My understanding was that the person needed to be lucid enough to understand what he/she was doing and that's it. If she then declares 15 minutes later that she lives on Mars, so what. If you've got a good elder law attorney they will help you do as much as you can legally for her benefit. Songbird |
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