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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / November 2005moving truama!
Waa!!!! I am in love with the memory care facility we just transfered my mother too. The staff are outstanding and plentiful. They have beautiful grounds where my mother can go walking freely and opportunities to garden. Unfortunately, most of the residents are very severe. My mother still enjoys reading the newspaper, can take turns in a conversation although not stay on topic, and is still independent with personal care. She is one busy woman! The folks in her group are unable to talk, and most need help with feeding. The food is horrible because it's made for people with difficulty chewing and swallowing. My mother is horrified, sad to say, at the condition of the people. This is our first day and my mother is ready to move back to her assisted living where she has gotten lost 3 times. I wish there was an in-between place, I don't know what to do. We're hindered in our selection of a facility because we will eventually need to apply for medicaid. The activities director and lead staff are also aware of our concerns. It was a terrible transition from her home to assisted living 5 months ago, because I hated the place, but she transitioned fairly well. Now this is horrible because I love the place, but she is not transitioning well. Today she has diarrhea with a vengence and sounds like a cold is creeping up on her. MEG > Waa!!!! I am in love with the memory care facility we just transfered > my mother too. The staff are outstanding and plentiful. They have [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > MEG Dear Meg, Wherever we sent my mother in law, first to the adult daycare center and three and a half years later to the nursing home, she felt the same way too. She came home after daycare and told us that all the people there were "crazy" and if the truth be told, there WERE a few people who were a lot worse off than she was. But she actually did adjust to the daycare center, and over time it came to be that she herself was the one who was farther along in her illness, and there were newcomers who were more functional than she was. When she went into the nursing home it wasn't a great deal different, because there were some people there who were very, very ill and some nearly 'incommunicado.' There was a roommate who was very talkative though, and as feisty and chatty a person as you would ever meet! Unfortunately most of the people there were really far along in their illnesses, whether from strokes or alzheimers or whatever, and whatever personality they had was not always evident at first meeting. The staff did all they could to find things to interest her and they always had entertainments and crafts and things to try and keep her active and stimulated to the best of her ability, but let's face it, if most of those people were able to manage on their own, they may not have been there in the first place, and that was true for her too. So she did feel very strange at first, but the good thing is that she DID adjust and feel more comfortable after a couple of weeks. That was for her and for us..... by the way. We did some adjusting too. There was a woman who sat in a wheelchair shouting something unintelligible every time we came over.... and when I had seen her a few times I was one day able to decipher what she was doing. She was SINGING! And she was singing loudly to herself..... "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true.....I'm half crazy over the love of you...." etc.etc. I hadn't understood it at first! So sometimes what appears to be nearly unintelligible pointless nonsense is just not knowing the people. The familiarity will come as she stays for a while. And about the food, you can always bring her something special in, or take her out for a special meal. We were lucky in that the food where Ida was always looked and smelled pretty good, though it definitely was designed for people with mastication issues. :-) So be patient and give it a little time. Right now it is too new and strange, but she will adjust OK, and especially if you visit and always bring a smile. Hope it all goes well for you both.  SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') You might consider doing something I did for my MIL for awhile (until it stopped mattering to her). She was pitching fits about breakfast to the point that she threw her oatmeal at one of the staff. The kitchen staff was willing to have us bring in some frozen waffles, English muffins and some cranberry muffins to provide variety from cereal, oatmeal or eggs and bacon. They stored them in the freezer and rotated them so she didn't get so miffy about breakfast (she's never been a morning person). Is that an option at your Mom's facility? Karen > Dear Meg, ----snip---- > So sometimes what appears to be nearly unintelligible pointless nonsense is > just not knowing the people. The familiarity will come as she stays for a > while. And about the food, you can always bring her something special in, > or take her out for a special meal. We were lucky in that the food where > Ida was always looked and smelled pretty good, though it definitely was > designed for people with mastication issues. :-) ----snip---- > Best Regards, > Evelyn [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > "meg" <mollyg@darkwing.uoregon.edu> wrote in message > news:1130798169.401155.15860@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com... ---snip--- The food is horrible > > because it's made for people with difficulty chewing and swallowing. > > My mother is horrified, sad to say, at the condition of the people. ----snip---- > > MEG Evelyn Ruut <mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com> is alleged to have said: > There was a woman who sat in a wheelchair shouting something unintelligible > every time we came over.... and when I had seen her a few times I was one > day able to decipher what she was doing. She was SINGING! And she was > singing loudly to herself..... "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer > true.....I'm half crazy over the love of you...." etc.etc. I hadn't > understood it at first! Oh my god, Evelyn, just like HAL the computer in 2001, as astronaut Poole turned off one of his memory modules after another. The last thing he could do was one of the first things his creators had taught him, the song "Daisy." A bit of horror for Halloween. SignatureJo Ann Malina, make spamthis best to find my address I can feel my mind going, Dave. -- HAL, "2001: A Space Odyssey" > Evelyn Ruut <mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com> is alleged to have said: >> There was a woman who sat in a wheelchair shouting something [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > thing he could do was one of the first things his creators had taught > him, the song "Daisy." A bit of horror for Halloween. Hi Jo Ann, My association with the song was different, and very positive actually, because when I was a very little girl my dear great Aunt used to sing it to me while holding me on her lap and rocking on her rocking chair. I loved it then. So seeing this poor old lady sitting in her wheelchair singing "Daisy" was sad and sweet to me. They had a person who would come and play the piano at the nursing home and do a sing-along with all sorts of old tunes like that. (As you probably know, the oldest memories seem to last the longest in this illness). The old folks loved that and would try to sing along the best they could, also all the nurses and help would sing along too. I imagine that lady's memory of the song was stimulated by the singalong and she was amusing herself that way. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') Daisy Bell (A Bicycle Built for Two) by Harry Dacre, 1892 There is a flower Within my heart, Daisy, Daisy! Planted one day By a glancing dart, Planted by Daisy Bell! Whether she loves me Or loves me not, Sometimes it's hard to tell; Yet I am longing to share the lot - Of beautiful Daisy Bell! Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do! I'm half crazy, All for the love of you! It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage But you'll look sweet upon the seat Of a bicycle made for two. We will go 'tandem' As man and wife, Daisy, Daisy! 'Peddling' away Down the road of life, I and my Daisy Bell! When the road's dark We can both despise P'licemen and 'lamps' as well; There are 'bright lights' In the dazzling eyes Of beautiful Daisy Bell! Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do! I'm half crazy, All for the love of you! It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage But you'll look sweet upon the seat Of a bicycle made for two. I will stand by you In 'wheel' or woe, Daisy, Daisy! You'll be the bell(e) Which I'll ring you know! Sweet little Daisy Bell! You'll take the 'lead' In each 'trip' we take, Then if I don't do well, I will permit you to Use the brake, My beautiful Daisy Bell! I just sang a bit of this one to Mom and she smiled real big and said yes she remembered that song from when when was a very little girl! LoL > Daisy Bell (A Bicycle Built for Two) > by Harry Dacre, 1892 [quoted text clipped - 57 lines] > I just sang a bit of this one to Mom and she smiled real big and said > yes she remembered that song from when when was a very little girl! LoL Love it!! One of my 4 year grandson's favorite songs. It's so cute to hear a little one sing it. Now he loves "The lion sleeps tonight" With the Hippo and the Doggie on the computer. http://www.matsimons.f2s.com/Rachel/fun/index.htm just click on the start button of the player. Plays it over and over again......June I used to have a recording by the African group Ladysmith Black Mabazo called Tales of the Tortoise that I loaned to a co-worker. Almost didn't get it back because her kids loved it so much that she had to go get it. Kind of like Kipling or Uncle Remus tales except the tales were from Africa, but it had that song on it and that was why I bought it. That's one of my favorites from my childhood. :-) Karen > Love it!! One of my 4 year grandson's favorite songs. It's so cute to > hear a little one sing it. Now he loves "The lion sleeps tonight" With [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Plays it over and over again......June Mom is into Beethoven and she loves it LOUD. > > Daisy Bell (A Bicycle Built for Two) > > by Harry Dacre, 1892 [quoted text clipped - 65 lines] > > Plays it over and over again......June I did not think anyone knew the whole song HAL song. wonderful > Daisy Bell (A Bicycle Built for Two) > by Harry Dacre, 1892 [quoted text clipped - 57 lines] > I just sang a bit of this one to Mom and she smiled real big and said > yes she remembered that song from when when was a very little girl! LoL Your story about the woman in the wheelchair reminded me of my mom. In her younger day she was a Big Band singer and her favorite way to spend time was singing. After the AD progressed, she lost her speech, but she could still sing "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean." Not sure why that song above all others stuck with her, but it did until about 3 months before she died. I still get tears in my eyes when I hear that song. Bittersweet tears though, because she's free of the 14 years of the long goodbye. Patty > > Waa!!!! I am in love with the memory care facility we just transfered > > my mother too. The staff are outstanding and plentiful. They have [quoted text clipped - 65 lines] > strange, but she will adjust OK, and especially if you visit and always > bring a smile. Hope it all goes well for you both. > Your story about the woman in the wheelchair reminded me of my mom. In > her [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > Patty I can relate..... I think that the ability to sing and to remember the lyrics remains a lot longer than other abilities, and that is why those singalong sessions at the nursing home seemed to be so popular. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') >I can relate..... I think that the ability to sing and to remember the >lyrics remains a lot longer than other abilities, and that is why those >singalong sessions at the nursing home seemed to be so popular. My Mom can still speak, although her sentences are often rather disjointed. Her memories are clearly scrambled or gone. She doesn't remember much from the past 40 years or so, but she sure know the lyrics and tunes to songs. I love to hear her singing along as she is at her happiest when singing. -steve >>I can relate..... I think that the ability to sing and to remember the >>lyrics remains a lot longer than other abilities, and that is why those [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > her singing along as she is at her happiest when singing. > -steve It is so nice to hear she still has that, Steve! My mother in law could still speak also, right up almost till she died. She also never forgot who we were and always asked for the missing one if one of us came to visit her alone. But then, she didn't actually die of the alzheimers, she died of pancreatic cancer last April. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') >It is so nice to hear she still has that, Steve! My mother in law could >still speak also, right up almost till she died. She also never forgot who >we were and always asked for the missing one if one of us came to visit her >alone. But then, she didn't actually die of the alzheimers, she died of >pancreatic cancer last April. Thanks, Evelyn. Yes, she also still sort of knows her husband and me as her son, but she may not understand the concepts of these from time to time. She can actually participate in conversations sometimes, but it usually includes some rather off the wall statements or questions. This evening, when I stopped by to visit, she was actually very conversational. Mom is in the middle stages of the disease and still lives at home. I have been unable to convince my father, yet, that she will need more care than we can provide very shortly. Periodic incontinence recently began. Other than that, though, she is calm and relaxed. She has lovely conversations with her reflection in the mirror. Putters around generally harmlessly and adores my father, since he takes very good loving care of her. I visit every day, so I rank up there as well.<g> Last year she was depressed, combative, and ran a few times. She is on Risperdol, Paxil, and Reminyl and is doing much, much better. She is content to stay indoors or to follow my father wherever he goes. She is supervised all of the time, she can't get out of the house at night because of locks up high, and evev if she did decide to wander again, she's wearing a bracelet tracking device provided free of charge and maintained free of charge by the county Sheriff's office. Last year we had to activate the search twice, but she was found within a few blocks both times, once by me before the Sheriff arrived and once by the local police, so the device works well. Plans are beginning to be formulated for future care needs, though. I know that this stage will not last forever, unfortunately. I am, however, happy that she still sings and still knows me well enough. I can only hope that she retains part of that into the future. -steve >>It is so nice to hear she still has that, Steve! My mother in law could >>still speak also, right up almost till she died. She also never forgot [quoted text clipped - 49 lines] > part of that into the future. > -steve Hi Steve, We were very fortunate in that my mother in law never did actually wander off, but we were always afraid she might. She had certain delusions that involved imaginary cows that needed to be fed or milked in her mind. She would tell us that the cows were out in our little storage shed in the yard! Apparently this delusion came from a memory from her childhood when she used to care for the cows as her chore, on a farm. Oddly enough, as an adult she lived in the city her whole life, but that memory of caring for the cows from her childhood stayed with her. We always kept a close watch on her for the possibility she might want to try and find these imaginary 'cows,' and at night we had a special safety lock very high up on the top of the door frame, that she would have a hard time opening if she tried to leave without our knowing. It wasn't that she couldn't go out, it was because we live in a heavily forested area and she could have gotten very lost had she gone out on her own. It was OK to go out during the daytime with my husband or me, but not alone at night! She also attended an adult daycare center for almost the whole time she lived with us, which was an enormous help, since she was kept busy and active with the activities they provided. There are two things I can't imagine how anyone could manage to do this job without! Daycare and modern drugs.....Ida was on Risperdol and Zoloft for a long time. I don't know how we would have managed without the medications and our local daycare center. It must have been hell years ago, before they had these modern drugs. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') >She also attended an adult daycare center for almost the whole time she >lived with us, which was an enormous help, since she was kept busy and [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] >center. It must have been hell years ago, before they had these modern >drugs. We tried the Adult Day Care last year. It didn't work out for us, unfortunately. We tried the ruse that she was there as a volunteer, since she, of course, does not perceive that there is anything wrong with her. She did, however, perceive that the old people at this place were beyond her ability to help. She used to be amazingly talented with crafts and plants. She was very active in the local Woman's Club, among other things and regularly volunteered, so this was a good plan. Unfotunately, she clearly abhored the ride in the van to the facility and she hated the food, or so she said. The facility staff did an amazing job trying to make it work, but it was not to be. By the way, the facility was great. It was very clean and well run. The people were excellent and there was lots to do there. We might try again in the future, but she's doing quite well at home for now. After our experiences last Fall, before she was on the Paxil and Risperdol, I honestly don't know how people managed years ago. Then again, years ago there weren't so many diagnosed cases of this terrible disease. I sure hope that the cause can be found soon or I'm afraid that the numbers will continue to rise exponentially. -steve Stephen, enjoy her as much as you can while you can. Gwen >>It is so nice to hear she still has that, Steve! My mother in law could >>still speak also, right up almost till she died. She also never forgot [quoted text clipped - 49 lines] > part of that into the future. > -steve Amen. As much As you can . > Stephen, enjoy her as much as you can while you can. > Gwen [quoted text clipped - 52 lines] > > part of that into the future. > > -steve >Stephen, enjoy her as much as you can while you can. >Gwen Thanks, Gwen. I am. :-) I am comfortable in the fact that she is pretty much content and happy right now. My daily visits bring her pleasure and I am able to make sure that my father doesn't need anything and that all is well. -steve that bracelet sounds like a God sent Linda Jean > Thanks, Evelyn. Yes, she also still sort of knows her husband and me as her son, > but she may not understand the concepts of these from time to time. She can > actually participate in conversations sometimes, but it usually includes some [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > part of that into the future. > -steve That braclet does sound like a god send. I stitched in every piece of clothing , her address and my contact number. > that bracelet sounds like a God sent > [quoted text clipped - 44 lines] > > part of that into the future. > > -steve |
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