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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / October 2005Brother Update
I just called my mother and brother down in Sebastian Florida (between Vero Beach and Melbourne) and so far so good. It's 10:24 their time. I could hear the wind howling while talking to my mother. They still have power and obviously phone service. Hopefully the worst is over. I don't think my mother grasps the severity of a hurricane anymore. As I have said before in my posts---my brother isn't the sharpest crayon in the box. Thanks for your support. I sure wish I could quit kicking myself for letting him have POA. He may be honest and very good on the everyday care of my mother but his judgment leaves much to be desired......June >I just called my mother and brother down in Sebastian Florida (between Vero >Beach and Melbourne) and so far so good. It's 10:24 their time. I could [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >letting him have POA. He may be honest and very good on the everyday care >of my mother but his judgment leaves much to be desired......June June I hope and pray all goes well with them and all who are in Florida.  SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') Wonderful that they are in pretty good shape. Stop kicking yourself, it only makes you tired <wink> Work on what can be helped and leave the spilt milk for the cat :-) LJ > I just called my mother and brother down in Sebastian Florida (between Vero > Beach and Melbourne) and so far so good. It's 10:24 their time. I could [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > letting him have POA. He may be honest and very good on the everyday care > of my mother but his judgment leaves much to be desired......June > Wonderful that they are in pretty good shape. Stop kicking yourself, it > only > makes you tired <wink> > Work on what can be helped and leave the spilt milk for the cat :-) Last year the power was out for week after hurricane Jeanne. Their power is out now. I did warn him that it could happen again but they went anyway. Mom will be flying back after the sale of the house. My brother didn't take his power of attorney so he needs her there. Hopefully he will remember to tell the airline at the time of her reservation that she is "special needs" He just had to take his rather large girlfriend with him and it's not comfortable in his truck with 3 fairly large people in the front seat for a 1100 mile trip. I guess on the way down one of them had to ride in back. It does have a topper on it. Now it's full of Mom's stuff from her house. My husband asked me if I was sure that my brother and I are from the same gene pool. It's a scary thought.......June > Last year the power was out for week after hurricane Jeanne. Their > power is out now. I did warn him that it could happen again but they [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > the way down one of them had to ride in back. It does have a topper on > it. Now it's full of Mom's stuff from her house. Holy sh.t, I hope she is not flying back on her own? Airlines cannot possibly be expected to deal with an Az sufferer in the same way as a wheelchair user for example, that is not 'special needs' in the way they are used to. Wheelchair users (etc) arent liable to just wander off at the airport and forget where they were going, or even that they were on a flight, or how to use a phone to contact someone. People have got lost and died in such circumstances before, one that I recall at DFW airport maybe 5 or 6 years ago and another more recently I think. You know how bad your mother is, and whether you think she is up to an unacompanied flight, but unless she really has very mild Az, this could be a disaster in the making. > My husband asked me if I was sure that my brother and I are from the same > gene pool. It's a scary thought.......June Indeed, he appears to have two copies of the 'bufoon' gene :-( SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com > Holy sh.t, I hope she is not flying back on her own? Airlines cannot > possibly be expected to deal with an Az sufferer in the same way as a [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Indeed, he appears to have two copies of the 'bufoon' gene :-( I share your concerns. I looked on the ATA website and they have policy for mentally impaired persons. I copied and pasted it below: Elderly / Individuals with Mental Impairment Upon request, ATA Airlines, Inc. will accept a request for "special handling" of elderly or mentally impaired customers who may become disoriented in unfamiliar surroundings. When making a reservation for such a customer, if special handling is requested, an indicator will be placed in the reservation requesting an airline employee "meet and assist" (MAAS) the customer on arrival. By this designation, on arrival, an Airport Customer Service Agent will escort the customer off the aircraft to meet his/her party. If the customer is not met upon arrival, a Customer Service Agent will request the individual remain in a designated area and / or assist by providing a Skycap to accompany the individual and / or provide access to a telephone. She's like a 9 nine year old forgetful child now. If she has an escort onto the plane and to the baggage claim area in Indy then she should be ok. She flew in '98 but back then you could stay with them at the gate before take off and pick them up at the gate. Different times now. She's had dementia since '93. I told my brother to make sure my cell phone number is written on her arm or back of her hand and is also in her purse and maybe pinned to her sweater too. I'm sure open to any other ideas.....June >> Holy sh.t, I hope she is not flying back on her own? Airlines cannot >> possibly be expected to deal with an Az sufferer in the same way as a [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > assist by providing a Skycap to accompany the individual and / or provide > access to a telephone. So there's the problem, "request the individual..." ...how long will she remember a request for? 10 seconds? 10 minutes? How will they know who she is? She is I suspect, unlikely to remember to ask for help when she comes off? She'll probably just shuffle along with all the other passengers and follow then right out, probably passing any people holding up 'Mrs X' notes. (We tried putting huge notes on the inside of the front door at eye level for my dad so he'd see them when going out ' Just gone next door for 5 minutes wait here' etc..he didnt even notice them.) > She's like a 9 nine year old forgetful child now. If she has an escort > onto the plane and to the baggage claim area in Indy then she should be [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > purse and maybe pinned to her sweater too. I'm sure open to any other > ideas.....June Fly down and get her? Put the fat lady on the plane? Pay someone to fly up with her? I hope this is all an exaggeration on my part, obviously I have no idea how bad she is, but times like this can be when you find out that its worse than you thought. Next time you see your brother, assuming he doesn't drive of a cliff or something, give him a punch from me :-( SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com > Fly down and get her? Put the fat lady on the plane? Pay someone to fly up > with her? [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > worse than you thought. Next time you see your brother, assuming he > doesn't drive of a cliff or something, give him a punch from me :-( I had already thought of the fly down and get her and I would if it weren't for the fact that I take care of a special needs grandson and even then I could make arrangements. I called my other brother who lives in Indianapolis and asked him if he would consider it. He's fairly intelligent and is a former Air Traffic Controller. He suggested that our brother in Florida could escort her all the way to the gate. He would have to go thru security at Orlando and could get a gate pass for himself from the ticket desk when he checks Mom in. So it sounds like a plan. I'm pretty sure that Mom would be fine on the flight. She just goes with the flow on things anymore. Indianapolis is a small airport for the most part and it's going to be after 10 pm when her flight gets in. So with an escort to the airline service desk there; she should have no problems. Famous last words ..I know.....June >> Fly down and get her? Put the fat lady on the plane? Pay someone to fly >> up with her? [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > in. So with an escort to the airline service desk there; she should have > no problems. Famous last words ..I know.....June June, I hate to chime in on this, but Tumbleweed is absolutely correct in his fears. She might get lost. Seriously lost. Your brother is out of his freakin' mind, if you ask me. Strange circumstances are totally confusing to them. She could ask for a taxi and want to go to her childhood home or something like that. She could wander off in search of a ladies room and end up in some broom closet not knowing what to do next or where to go or who she is looking for.... the possibilities are endless and none of them are good. Could you get a special pass or something to arrange to meet her at the exit from the plane? Could anyone? Even on her best day, my mother in law imagined all sorts of things. She even thought she was back in Estonia at times (a place she left in 1943 ....or sometime or other around then). We heard of a woman who was at an airport with her husband. She went into a ladies room, he waited outside for her and she was never seen again. Locally last winter, an elderly woman wandered to a swale or big ditch near a culvert alongside of a big parking lot near the mall. Many days later she was found suffering from severe exposure. She couldn't figure out how to get out of there and didn't know she was right in the middle of "civilization". It was nearly a miracle she was found at all. I don't really want to sound too much like an alarmist, but if people saw a three year old wandering around and looking lost they'd ask. If they see an elderly person wandering around, they wouldn't bat an eyelash or even bother to inquire most of the time. Once our doctor told us that my mother in law must never be left alone anymore, we never left her alone again, not even for five minutes. I don't think your brother realizes how bad it could be. Does he get email? Can you forward him some of the replies? SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') > Once our doctor told us that my mother in law must never be left alone > anymore, we never left her alone again, not even for five minutes. I > don't think your brother realizes how bad it could be. Does he get > email? Can you forward him some of the replies? You reckon he can read? SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com >> Once our doctor told us that my mother in law must never be left alone >> anymore, we never left her alone again, not even for five minutes. I >> don't think your brother realizes how bad it could be. Does he get >> email? Can you forward him some of the replies? > > You reckon he can read? :-) I feel so sorry for June, because she is having to worry for them both. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') >>> Once our doctor told us that my mother in law must never be left alone >>> anymore, we never left her alone again, not even for five minutes. I [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > I feel so sorry for June, because she is having to worry for them both. Well guys.... he can read but he won't heed. I know it's hard to understand that someone can have dementia for 12 years and still on the surface could be taken for normal. On a good day she sounds absolutely normal on the phone. She even called me from Florida during the hurricane because she hadn't gotten to the phone in time to answer it and figured it was me calling(it was me). Therefore the denial on his and my other brother's part. Yet she doesn't know who the president is or what month it is. She always knows when it's Sunday because she always went to church. I will make sure that this is handled. I'm going to suggest the overweight girlfriend take a flight to Wisconsin where she's from. If worse comes to worse I will go down and get her. I may suggest some of her stuff gets shipped and they can go back the same way they went down. I really don't have a problem with my mother's dementia just my brother is supposed to be responsible for her! ....... June I agree this is just awful LJ > :-) > > I feel so sorry for June, because she is having to worry for them both. June <ljbart@hotmail.com> is alleged to have said: > Last year the power was out for week after hurricane Jeanne. Their power > is out now. I did warn him that it could happen again but they went > anyway. Mom will be flying back after the sale of the house. My brother > didn't take his power of attorney so he needs her there. Hopefully he > will remember to tell the airline at the time of her reservation that she is > "special needs" I don't want to worry you, but the airlines are pretty lax these days about looking after impaired adults. My mother used to take American from the Keys to San Francisco to visit me. There is no direct flight from Key West or Marathon -- you have to change planes in Miami. They were supposed to meet her at the gate in Miami to make sure she made her connection. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't. Once when she had to make here way from one gate to the other, she was pushed down and injured by some clod in a hurry. This was before she had any distinct mental problems but was still a small, old woman. It may depend more on the airport than on the airline. If no one can travel with her, try to get your brother to take her to an airport where she can get a direct flight home and not have to change planes. If he can't take her to the gate himself, have him tell them he'd like her met with a wheelchair to take her there, but have him prepared to wait for it to show up. Toward the end, Mom didn't even travel with luggage, just a small carry-on, and I'd keep her warm clothes stored here for her. (She now has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and lives with me.) If she doesn't have to check a bag, that will help when changing planes or on arrival -- but that's true for all of us, eh? SignatureJo Ann Malina, make spamthis best to find my address There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse; as I have found in travelling in a stagecoach, that it is often a comfort to shift one's position and be bruised in a new place. -- Washington Irving, _Tales of a Traveller_ When we brought my MIL to our town, Hubby and I both went. There had just been a case of a woman missing from an airport (may have been the DFW case) that was so tragic. I told him that I knew I'd have to go to the bathroom sometime and I wanted someone on watch outside of the restroom while I was busy. By the end of the trip, we were very glad we had done it. Airports are confusing places to people without cognitive problems. Several times, we found her confused and thinking she just had to go over there to get wherever she though she should be. (I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense but it's how she kept explaining where she was going). Karen > June <ljbart@hotmail.com> is alleged to have said: > > Last year the power was out for week after hurricane Jeanne. Their power [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > have to check a bag, that will help when changing planes or on arrival > -- but that's true for all of us, eh? |
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