Yes, it is awful.  But no one can do it for you, and so you must find a way.
I truly hope and pray your situation gets the attention it so needs.

Hi,

About the clothing/bathing issues;  We managed to get my mother in law's
clothes away and into the laundry when she undressed for bed.   We always
insisted she put on a nightgown at bedtime, and it gave us the opportunity
to "kidnap" the dirty laundry and get it out of her sight.   Also I would
help her dress in the morning, giving her clean clothing each day.

It was also a perfect time to sneak the shower in.   While she had her
nightie off and waiting to get dressed again, we'd arrange to have me
waiting in the shower and my husband would herd her down the hallway and
into the shower, where I would get her comfortably seated BEFORE I turned on
the water.   I would get the water temperature just right, and had her touch
it and approve of it before wetting her down.

Without a shower chair and the shower head on a hose, I think it would have
been very difficult to get her to bathe.    Trying to get her to
specifically take her clothes off to take a shower would immediately result
in a "no" but if we had her already undressed and getting ready for either
bedtime or to get dressed again, we would get no argument.

We learned a lot of little tricks to get gentle compliance out of her, and
we seldom had to get difficult about anything, except in the very very
beginning.

After we had a routine established, even though she couldn't remember one
minute to the next, she apparently had some sort of deeper memory that
registered routine things.   This is why I always say that alzheimer
patients seem to respond very well to routines.   Any variation from
everyday routine was confusing and either resulted in arguments, confusion,
or strange attachments to the break.   For instance my mother in law got
"stuck" saying "happy new year" and she believed every single day was new
years eve for three whole months.   Nothing could convince her it wasn't new
years.

But back to the shower thing, you have to hide his dirty clothes while he is
asleep, and don't put out any new ones till he goes for a shower.   You may
need to get adamant about it, or enlist help from someone else to get him to
go the first time.

I have to tell you this;  It was just after my mother in law's first shower
here that made me believe that maybe we COULD consider taking care of her at
home.   At first she was so incredibly smelly that I couldn't get past my
aversion at first.   Once she was showered up and dressed in clean clothing,
it was a different matter.   I think she herself felt a lot better too,
after that.

Well, from his point of view, he always changes every day, therefore he must
have, even if he can't actually remember having done it. That's where the
ruse which we call "loving deceptions" come in. Just like you have to find
the ways to lure a toddler into appropriate behavior (even when tantrums are
imminent), you have to find ways to do the things your husband needs to
do/have done. The difference is, you can't pick up and adult and bring them
to what they need to do, and when they tantrum, there is a lot more physical
force, so you need to do what you have to to keep yourself safe.

That's where an antidepressant and possibly an antipsychotic would help.
Hopefully, that will be on board soon.  But remember, you have the cards up
your sleeve that if he gets out of control, you can call the police and say
you fear for your safety and his. It means involuntary commitment for
evaluation. It's a desperation move. But remember it's there as a safety
valve in case you feel endangered. It's not being cruel to him, even if it
may seem so. It's using every tool you have to get him appropriate care.
When the insurance system fails you, you still have a backup in the legal
system.

Why wait for them? Call today. Call twice. Let them know this situation has
been left so long it's risen to crisis level. If no one is assigned today,
call first thing in the morning the next day.

If the copies are being sent to dr's, you fill out an authorization to
release the tests to the specific doctors (have their addresses with you)
and specify the dr's want copies, not the originals. There may be a copying
fee. Then the radiologist/hospital will forward them to the dr's offices.
With HIPA, you will need to sign an authorization for release copies. In
fact, if you don't have POA (can't remember) your husband will need to sign.

Adelle

DO NOT WAIT.  YOU call THEM.  It's a crisis by now, and they need
to know that.  Don't nag, just be insistent that you need help
NOW, NOT tomorrow!

And be *certain* to ask about possible memory problems due to the
statins he's taking!