Sigh. We have a very dear neighbour and family friend who lives alone
in a big three storey home. She has known my husband since he was a
boy, and is like a surrogate mother to him. She has three adult sons
who live far away (i.e. Boston, Washington and Kentucky) each with
families of their own. These boys are terrific sons, but really do view
their mother as an immortal force of nature. She's in her late 70's,
widowed (the late Mr.S was a dear, sweet, totally immpractical
professor of obscure medieval stuff). She's had cancer, a small stroke
about a year ago, and surgery in June to clear a clogged neck artery.

She's very intelligent, well educated, feisty and independent. She's
always been resoundingly practical and one of those take charge people
- a very, very strong woman who in her day probably could have
organized the army to have New Orleans cleaned up by noon of the second
day.

Every illness she has had in recent years has become more and more of
an issue, since there is no one to look after her. Complicated plans
have to be made with hired help, neighbours pitching in, my husband,
the sons flying in to take shifts etc.

So...she had a cold all week but was better and on Saturday, she was
supposed to have dinner with a neighbour. The time was to be confirmed,
and the neighbour kept calling and getting no answer, so by 6:30 pm she
walked up the street and banged on the door. Mrs. S. comes to the door
in her nightgown, which was soiled, one slipper on, one off, and
extremely confused. The neighbour was alarmed, other neighbours were
called in to see what they thought, and an ambulence was called (Mrs.
S. had a further toileting accident while the ambulence crew was
there). My husband spent the night at the hospital with her until she
was admitted the next morning. She's still there undergoing tests. The
current thought is that she had some sort of seizure (apparently, she
has admitted hearing a whirring sound in her head early on Saturday),
which would explain the confusion.

I talked to her today. She's been told she can't drive any more,
possibly permanently, and that they want her on seizure medication. I
know she's upset - but what is unsettling to me is that she is denying
that there is anything wrong with her at all, that she didn't need to
go to hospital. She thinks the neighbours all over reacted, that she's
fine, we're making a big deal about nothing, the whole thing is silly
etc. etc. She's got a dozen reasons why her condition when found was
not as it appeared. When you ask her questions, its apparent that her
memory of what happened is extremely fuzzy. Its so odd. She is totally,
totally "with it" in certain directions, and then...there are these
strange holes in her logic, and memory, which she seems completely
oblivious to. I kept reiterating to her that it wasn't just the
neighbours who were alarmed by her condition - it was my husband, the
ambulence attendents, the doctors in emerg etc. etc. Its like she just
can't believe what she is being told and thinks we're making it up
(like a friend phoning you up and asking you what you were doing
walking down main street naked this morning).

My husband is really grappling with dealing with her sons (who are
similar age to him). It ain't just mom who is denial. The sons really
have trouble believing that it might be time for their tough as boots
mother to move out of the cavernous family home to be closer to family,
or at least into some sort of apartment where she can be supported in
maintaining her independence (i.e. where there someone to check on her,
or an in house infirmary or support services).

She and I have talked about her desire to stay independent many times
before - it seems so strange that some subtle brain damage is clouding
her insight into her own situation, and is actually causing her to lean
to choices that make her MORE of a burden, rather than less. I can also
see she's going to fight a move tooth and nail, since she's so
convinced she's fine and we're all nuts.

I guess we'll just have to work on the boys to start moving on their
Plan B sooner rather than later, based on the "this is as good as it
gets" philosphy. Remind me never to get old.


Mary G.