Hi Johnny,

That depends.   My mother in law was quite trustworthy with some things, but
her various deficits continued to get worse as she went along.   At first
she was able to wash the dishes and help out in the kitchen, but as time
went on, we couldn't trust her with anything much at all, even her own
clothing.  She'd pull out all the clothes from the closet and make a mess of
them, for instance, or change over and over.

One time we heard the water running a really long time.  Turns out she put
the faucet on in the bathroom and couldn't figure out how to shut it off.
So new problems develop along the way.    Once our doctor told us she
shouldn't be left alone anymore we never left her without someone in the
house, even if we were in another room, there was always someone there.

Does your dad go to daycare?   We found it was a great help.   From your
description I wouldn't say you are "leaving him alone" per se, but only you
know what he is like and how well he functions in the home.   I don't think
"not leaving someone alone" means being with them every second, but being in
the house and checking every so often in most cases is OK.    Unless your
dad is someone who might wander off, of course, which is a whole other
situation.

Johnny BEWARE of Evelyn.  She posts nothing but a bunch of crap all the
time.  But we still get along.

with my MIL it was very clear when she couldn't even be left ~alone~ as in
in a different room from us... first, she would constantly come to find us
.... then eventually, she would forget that we were there at all, and become
extremely anxious and upset at being left ~all alone~

I would guess that your Dad will eventually forget about ringing the bell...
but as long as it works for him for now.....   key is to not expect it to
work forever, and to be ready to change and adapt as his needs do

Johnny, it sounds like the bell is working for you now.  Eventually, he
won't remember to ring it probably and could become agitated when
alone. My FIL used to rip the toilet up. I don't know how many times my
husband had to reset the one in their bathroom.  When my MIL became
unsafe with a stove,  we disconnected it.  Just watch him. You'll be
able to tell if he's doing things which are unsafe for him and you'll
know that it's time to not leave him upstairs alone anymore.  I do
commend you for being willing to take care of him and altering your
life to do so. The fact that you're here asking that question shows
your concern.

Johhny,

sooner or later it will be the same thing, it will get to the point that
when he cant see you that you effectively are leaving him alone as far as he
is concerned. My father would follow my mother everywhere including to the
bathroom because otherwise (I assume) he thought she had gone.

Whether its an issue depends on whether your father gets anxious about it or
not, everyone is different. From a safety POV its more about being sure they
dont wander off (are the doors locked effectively?) or do something
dangerous (ISTR someone posting that their mother used to like setting
things on fire !) maybe turning gas on and not lighting it or leavinga pot
to boil dry or or or.....

am I leaving him alone?  
Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Thu, Sep 8, 2005, 6:57pm (CDT+1)
From: jpberrios@webtv.net (Johnny B.)
HI. My name is Johnny...I am 31. My dad is 60 and has alzheimers...I
moved back home about 4 years ago when I was around 27 when he was still
just fine and normal as can be. About a year later is when I started to
notice different things about him...in late 2003 he was diagnosed with
alzheimers...he takes "nemenda" and "arycept". He is allot worse these
days.... a completely different man than the man I knew just a few years
ago. My mom works second shift from about 5 to 11 at night. While she is
at work I am home with my dad. Since I spend most of my time in the
basement of our home (where I stay) I installed a door bell in my room
and the "button" is near the phone in the kitchen. When my dad needs
assistance, he rings the bell. and I go flying up the stairs to him. It
works really well for now. I was wondering though....if I am
downstairs.....is that considered (leaving him alone)?? I do go check on
him every 15 to 20 minuets. I never leave the house if my mom is not
home.. But I often feel very guilty if I am not in the same room with
him. I was wondering.
  I never knew anyone with alzheimers nor anyone that has
experienced it personally. This is all very knew to me and I don't know
what is going to happen to us. By the way..I have been to this group
lots of times...but never posted. Thanks.
Johnny

Ronny:
Johnny,I can't see where you have anything to feel guilty about.  And if
your Dad doesn't need someone physically watching him 24/7 then that's
good. Such isn't always needed;but as has been pointed out in here,such
can change too.

Some of these things I'm going to mention have already been said in this
thread. For onething I'm glad the bell setup works for y'all right now.

Does your Dad try to go outside on his own? Has he ever wandered off? My
Mom has,so we had to put deadbolt locks on the doors to keep her in and
safe.

Also consider the cook stove,gas or electric and any gas outlets if you
have those. Gas outlets can need covering up and or a lock put on them
in some way. And when I'm not using it I cut our electric cookstove off
at the main breaker box. Starting doing that last after Mom turned on
and left the stove on 2 or so times- sometimes with a pan on a very hot
burner. Fixed out propane heater outlet where she couldn't turn that
on-this after I woke up one evening and there was propane gas all over
the house and Mom was sitting at the table eating,with not a care in the
world! (ha)

I hadn't thought of any of those things until they happened. Best to get
such things Dad or Mom proofed before something bad happens.

Another deal I do now is keep the large kitchen match box hidden and I
really need to have such as that under lock and key.

So no,from what you've said I don't believe your leaving your Dad alone
for awhile is anything bad. And if he seems to like it at all,while
you're not with him,you might want to leave some music that he likes or
the TV or radio playing. I think it helps my Mom some if the TV is going
in her room,so I leave it on almost 24/7.

I think there are just some basic things you can do for your Dad's
safety,if you and your Mom haven't already done those. Then I suggest
and I don't mean this badly;but I suggest you need to calm down a little
bit. Try to relax a bit more. I say that because of your saying you go
to check on your Dad every 15 to 20 minutes. And stop feeling guilty
because you aren't in the same room with your Dad every minute.

Johnny, I'm still new to this so I don't know how helpful I can be - I can
only relate my thoughts based on my short experience so far & things I've
read.

We are in a 2 story home & moved in around 2 months ago. Immediately, one of
my primary fears was not being able to hear her (my MIL) if she should fall
& call out for us. We got monitors & bells (like jingle bells). There is a
monitor in the living room on an end table near where she sits. The
receiving end for that one is in my husband's work room upstairs, with the
volume turned up fairly loud. Another monitor in her bedroom, with the
receiving end in our bedroom - that one is a pain in the butt because she
often talks out loud (plainly, clearly) in her sleep & doesn't always make
for good sleep for us. But I feel somewhat secure with it as she did call
out loudly for us one time (she thought someone or something was in her
bedroom). Small jingle bells on her door, which actually I need to replace
with the larger ones because they aren't loud enough. Yet another monitor in
the kitchen, with a string of jingle bells & a cowbell across the entry so I
can hear her if she tries to get into the kitchen at night or too early in
the morning. Or once I strung it across because I wasn't feeling good myself
& had to go to bed for a few hours. Fortunately, my husband works at home so
we can alternate with someone always being down here with her, yet I'm the
primary "watch". I have my computer & desk set up down here in the living
room. Initially, I was supposed to have my stuff set up in "my" room
upstairs. But after only about a week, I could see that simply would not
work. On one hand, it is quite wearisome on me being in here all day long as
I'm constantly "aware" of her, even if nothing at all is going on. So I
think you asked a really excellent question!! I've also wondered just how
long is too long to leave her alone and haven't figured that one out yet.
Mostly she does ok. Like if my husband isn't home & I have to be upstairs ie
doing sheets, cleaning or whatever, I try to be up there only around 15 mins
at a time. Most of those times, she doesn't leave her chair. She has her
drink, I make sure her legs are up, make sure she has her throw on as she
gets cool easily. Most of the time she is content to just sit & watch TV.
However, she picked at least 2 of those times to get up & do something
else!! Arrragghhh!!! Just like a kid, in my opinion. Wait until noone is
"watching" to suddenly have the burning desire to get up & go mess around in
the kitchen or go outside on the back porch, forgetting the walker of
course.... Like Evelyn wisely said, I think it depends on the person you are
taking care of. I tend to think those 15 - 20 min breaks at a time are good
for both you *&* your loved one. So all I can suggest is to "arm" your home
with monitors & bells. I promise you, having a monitor upstairs where he
sits & the receiving end in the basement with you will go a very long way
with peace of mind. The baby monitors don't have to be the fancy ones. I
think the ones we have probably range from around $12 - $25 each & work just
fine.... Also you might consider what I did - move some of your things in to
the living room (or whever your dad stays) and then alter between being in
that room & the basement?