Don't be too hard on Mick...

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Evelyn Ruut - 06 Sep 2005 13:57 GMT

Dear Friends,

Don't be too hard on Mick......He is going to need more help, and soon. I
remember how I chafed at the very idea that I might have to take care of
Ida. I said "no way" and yet I ended up with her for almost 4 years. It
is really hard to make that early transition from outrage and a sense of
being put-upon, to putting that brain into gear and finding solutions and
making it work.

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Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

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June - 06 Sep 2005 14:59 GMT

Hi Evelyn..... I always look for your wisdom because you are so intuitive
about what is really going on. Comes from "being there" I suspect. I
found that taking daily care of a special needs baby grandson on life
support a very humbling experience. He's fine now BTW. I have not had to
take care of my mother on a daily basis. My brother has taken care of her
but even at that she is able to live alone with him living just next door.
She's able to use the phone and has never hallucinated, or wondered off.
She walks to the Post Office (across a busy highway) almost every day and
that concerns me. But I can't control what she does since my brother has
DOA and he sees nothing wrong with it. She used a pressure cooker to cook
a chicken the other day and he thought that was great. I'm going hide that
thing.
Her dementia seems so different than what I see here in the newsgroup.
She's more like a 9 year old. I will be so relieved to get her into
assisted living but it looks like it will be awhile because of their waiting
list. I don't know what's worse; dementia that goes on and on for years
and progresses very, very slowly or dementia that is over within a few
years.
I try not to judge my brother because he does so much.....June

> Dear Friends,
>
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> being put-upon, to putting that brain into gear and finding solutions and
> making it work.

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Evelyn Ruut - 06 Sep 2005 16:06 GMT

> I try not to judge my brother because he does so much.....June

Hi June,

Thanks for the kind words. Every person who gets Alzheimers is slightly
different. I suppose it has to do with exactly which part of the brain is
affected first, but I don't really know, not being a doctor.

I think your last sentence says it all.

I know I made a million mistakes through the process, and there were
wonderful people here who were kind enough and patient enough with me, as
well as those who were absolutely hateful, one who even left the group
making obvious references to me while doing so.

Hey, very few of us who post here were actually TRAINED to be caregivers,
and almost all of us found out how to deal with this illness while actually
doing so. I know that I made a million blunders, but I did listen and I
did learn. And even still, knowing what was right, I STILL at times lost
my temper occasionally because caregiving was so relentless, so exhausting.

Mind you that I had a sitter who helped out, my husband who did the bulk of
the harder work, and she went to DAYCARE during weekdays! I think some
people who have done this job are nearly saints. I know I wasn't one, and I
became a caregiver by default. There just wasn't anyone else to do it.

Hindsight is 20/20 and it is so frustrating that at times when people come
here and vent, sometimes we forget how hard it can be.

My mother in law lived by herself for another 8 months after diagnosis where
we were told she shouldn't be alone anymore, simply because of

#1....Her friends who were in denial, protecting her misguidedly.

#2....The simple logistics of living two hours distant from her.

#3.....Not having a home big enough to take her in at that time
(we had to retire early and buy a bigger one).

#4.....Her absolute committment to living on her own, and being unable to
assess her own deficits.

Overcoming that last one was the hardest. We had to finally resort to a
sort of trickery, taking her here for an extended "visit" that only ended
with her committment to a nursing home 3 and a half years later.

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Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

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Ronny TX - 07 Sep 2005 02:38 GMT

Don't be too hard on Mick...
Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Tue, Sep 6, 2005, 12:57pm (CDT+5)
From: mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com (Evelyn Ruut)
Dear Friends,
Don't be too hard on Mick......(snip)

Ronny:
I'll try not to be on somethings;but can't promise on all things! :-)
LoL

And he needs to post his webpage. That would help a good bit in
explaining somethings. [Thank you Google.:-)]

Gotta smile as I'm in a better mood tonight! :-) And if my mood keeps
improving I might actually go back to cleaning house! Horrors! :-( LoL

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mick_476@comcast.net - 22 Sep 2005 15:07 GMT

My web site is http://www.highego.com

>Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Tue, Sep 6, 2005, 12:57pm (CDT+5)
>From: mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com (Evelyn Ruut)
>And he needs to post his webpage. That would help a good bit in
>explaining somethings. [Thank you Google.:-)]

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Ker - 07 Sep 2005 05:21 GMT

> Dear Friends,
>
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> being put-upon, to putting that brain into gear and finding solutions and
> making it work.

Evelyn .. one in a million. A lady of great compassion and wisdom.

----
Ker

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Mamma Mia - 07 Sep 2005 09:19 GMT

here here evelyn! i was a bit surprised that some of the answers to his
post were a bit harsh, i thought yours was lovely. what they say about you
is true! (and i barely know you)

christine

> Dear Friends,
>
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> being put-upon, to putting that brain into gear and finding solutions and
> making it work.

Reply to this Message