From: mick_...@comcast.net
Subject: Calling Police

"Last night, I was out at the bars and went home with a woman. I didn't

get home until 7 this morning."

Thet's your problem, Mick. You need to be like Dennis Harris and go
home with men instead.

Well since I do not leave my Mother who has dementia alone, she does not
often call the police. Do you have a problem often with confusing the
grocery and the bar? Who is actually caring for your Mom, who has
Alzheimers?

Hi,

And the police are right, they have no idea when it could be a real
emergency.

We never had this problem, but she did call certain friends repeatedly to
ask them the time or the date.  She had forgotten how to use a clock and a
calendar.

It sounds to me as though your mom is feeling the typical sort of fear
alzheimer patients usually begin to experience when the world suddenly turns
into a strange place.  I hope you don't get ANGRY with her for this, since
she really cannot help what is happening in her brain.

Alzheimers is an actual organic disease in which the brain begins dying
slowly, one neuron at a time.   It creates all sorts of odd emotions and
fears and even delusions of persecution, or of things that are echoes of
their past lives.   The person absolutely CANNOT remember from one second to
the next that you have told them not to call or not to panic or that they
asked you the same question just one minute before.

There are medications that can help quite a bit, and may stave off the
inevitable a little longer.  Have you spoken to her doctor about them?   Is
she on any antidepressants or memory enhancing drugs like Aricept or Reminyl
or Namenda?    Check into these please, if not.

She probably will soon come to a place where she should not be alone much
longer.   Have you any plans in place for when this happens?

You have come to a place where all of us here have been through this with a
loved one.   Welcome to the club nobody wants to join, but like many of us
you may find it an incredibly valuable source of information and on the spot
advice.

as others have said, you appear not to have the intelligence to realise you
shouldnt leave an Az patient alone.  You should be investigating care for
your mother since she is obviously in danger from your lack of
care......never mind phone calls, what about *when* she sets light to
something because she forgot how to turn on the lights, or turns on the gas
but forgets and leaves it, or simply wanders off, or any other of 100 things
she eventually is very likely to do *if left alone*.  Since you cant be
there all the time, never mind for social occasions, you'll either need to
get live in help or place her in a home.

Mick, I never had a problem with this, because I didn't leave my
in-laws alone. I understand being so frustrated that you need down time
from the responsibility, however please make sure someone responsible
is with her during those times.  Many community's have respite programs
which can help with either in-home or center-based care.  If your
mother's orientation is affected enough that she is calling police in
the manner she is doing, then please assess her ability to be left
alone to manage independently.

As I said, I do understand the frustrations. We took care of my in-laws
for several years. During that time, we went through several hurricanes
and having two children, plus we both worked full time and had to
adjust our schedules so that one of us was always there. My husband's
great aunt would come once a week for a couple hours just so I could go
to the grocery store or keep prenatal appointments. Otherwise, I had to
take them both along with me.

I love my mother-in-law dearly.  When we moved into our new house, we
brought her with us. She had had many changes within the past year due
to moving twice (hurricane related moves, her husband being placed in a
home(also with Alzheimer's), and a new baby in the house.  Less than a
month after we moved, one of our close friends came to visit at
Christmas.  I walked into the kitchen to get my son's juice and my
mother-in-law knocked over our Christmas tree. She said she wanted to
go home.  The tree was close to landing on my 13 month old son and his
nearly 3 year old brother where they played on the floor.

When I lifted the tree, I found nearly all of my ornaments had been
broken. Most of these I had collectd since I was a child and included
ones my grandmother made for me 30 years before and ones from a dear
friend of mine who had passed away two years before that on Christmas
day. They could never be replaced. As soon as I got my children safely
out of the way and really looked at the damage, I lost it. For the
first time in 7 years of looking after them, I had had it.  I went into
the garage where they guys were hanging out and screamed (kinda forgot
our friend was there for a moment..just needed to vent quickly) and
screamed, "that b**** has to go".  Of course, I didn't mean it...I just
had to let it out for a minute.  I went back in and cleaned everything
up and went to check on her. A few months later, we began seeing issues
which would negatively affect my children and we had to make a
decision.  While it may sound harsh, my children had their lives to
live and she was in her 80s.  Her behaviors were affecting my children
in such a way, that I could not have her with them 24/7 anymore. She
hit my son one morning. That's when my decision was made. She lived in
an assisted living home from mid1999 until this year when I moved her
to a nursing home. I got off track there, but I do understand your
frustration. I think having had to deal with caring for them gave me an
added plus in my job as a case manager in assisted living facilities
and as a social worker in nursing homes. Right now though, I am burned
out and taking a much needed break and spending time with my children.
While I'm working part time as a consultant, I am also writing a
booklet for families.

I hope the situation improves, but I would encourage you to have her
seen and a mental assessment done if you haven't already. Also
investigate resources in your area. Contact a senior group there or
find out if there is a local Alzheimer's support group there.
The downside is that while you do need a break at times, leaving her
alone could bring charges against you if the police ever feel she
shouldn't be alone. All it takes is one officer responding to her
deciding that she is neglected b/c she's left alone and calling social
services. Please keep that in mind also, especially if leaving her
overnight.  So much could happen.

Calling Police  
Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Mon, Sep 5, 2005, 9:05am From:
mick_476@comcast.net
Do any of you have the problem of them calling the police on you? I am
32 years old and my mom had me when she was 47. She now has Alzheimers.

Ronny:
Mick,be glad your Mom still knows how to call the police. It's been a
year or two since my Mom actually picked up the phone and dialed the
number to call someone she wanted to talk to.

Mick:
Last night, I was out at the bars and went home with a woman. I didn't
get home until 7 this morning. She has already called the police and had
them looking for me. I got pulled over coming home. How embarrassing!

Ronny:
LoL Yep,I could see how that might be embarrassing! LoL But hey,
embarrassment isn't the end of the world you no. :-) And a few years
ago,when my Mom was still in her right mind,I went to a neighboring town
I wasn't used to going to,about twice as far away as the usual,so I got
home a good bit later than usual and yes,my Mom had called the cops. :-)
She was worried about me. The embarrassing part about that was later
when I found out some neighbors had police scanners and had been
listening in as the local police talked about looking for me! LoL

Mick:
This isn't the first time she has done this to me either. She decided
one night that she needed me to go to the grocery for her and she called
the police to get me out of the bar, instead of calling me. They came
into the bar, which has at least a couple hundred in it, and told me to
call her. That was really, really embarrassing, especially because I
know so many in there!

Ronny:
Perhaps she forgot you were at the bar and only thought of it after
calling the police and someone there talking to her? Or perhaps she
thought the police would get you moving faster? :-) Or perhaps she was
just lonely or scared and figured the police would get you moving faster
than here simply calling the bar?

Mlck:
I have called the police to talk to them about this and they said they
cannot ignore her calls because one of them may be a real emergency.  

Ronny:
Good for them. They're right.

And Mick,try not to get so embarrassed over this and that. Hey,things
will happen. People understand. Not much you can do about it and all in
all it's a little thing in life. Best to save your concerns and energy
for the big things.

I've only had around 2 months experience with my MIL. But from everything
I'd heard & everything I've witnessed, I wouldn't dream of leaving her
alone.... What are you going to do when your mom goes into the kitchen &
decides to cook something (like she picks the one day you forget to pull the
knob off  stove), forgets it & then burns herself & the house down?

I can fully understand you needing to get out & have some semblance of a
life!! But when you do that, please make arrangements for someone to look
after your mom while you are gone. Start thinking she is around 2 to 5 years
old - hire a babysitter on those nights/days when you need time off.