driving

Thread view:

Enable EMail Alerts

Start New Thread

Thread rating:

Galena - 17 Aug 2005 04:18 GMT

Thanks for our comments everyone. I know I should be working on having my
Mom's license taken away. I know it, really I do. I was just over visiting
her for a week. I went for a drive with her - a short one, and no, I did
not wear a helmet, although I was tempted. She drove too fast and came very
close to a hitchhiker along the way.
I want to do it, but I am feeling so torn about it because it is her only
escape from her isolated home. Argh! Six of one and half a dozen of
another. I would feel terrible if she hurts anyone while driving including
herself.

She was going to deliver a gift to friends she has known for a long time,
and could not find their house. She was in the wrong area completely,
looking for them.

I had a talk with her about how she is living right now, and that she is
becoming less capable about looking after the house and herself. I think
all I did was hurt her feelings. Darn. I believe I will give her a call
and see if I can make it any better. I feel like crying about all this, but
what good will that do.

Reply to this Message

Lee - 17 Aug 2005 04:42 GMT

none... none at all, unfortunately

sounds like the best thing you can do at this point is to help her find a
safer alternative.... a place to live that won't require that she take her
life in her hands every time she wants to go some place.... and that won't
place her at risk of harming someone else either

If she has alzheimers things are only going to deteriorate.... and the
longer you leave a move the less likely she is to be able to adjust and to
LEARN the new surroundings.... so it might as well happen sooner rather than
later

By the time I met my MIL three years ago, she was no longer capable of
learning new things at all. You want to move your Mom while she can still
learn where her new bathroom...bedroom... kitchen....are - and while she's
still social enough to connect with others ...and DEFINITELY before she
hurts herself or someone else

> Thanks for our comments everyone. I know I should be working on having my
> Mom's license taken away. I know it, really I do. I was just over
[quoted text clipped - 19 lines]
> but
> what good will that do.

Reply to this Message

Karen - 17 Aug 2005 05:07 GMT

Not to mention the fact that if she injured someone and they sued her, it
could dramatically deplete the financial resources needed to help support
her.

Karen

> none... none at all, unfortunately
>
> sounds like the best thing you can do at this point is to help her find a
> safer alternative.... a place to live that won't require that she take her
> life in her hands every time she wants to go some place.... and that won't
> place her at risk of harming someone else either

---snip---

> > Thanks for our comments everyone. I know I should be working on having my
> > Mom's license taken away. I know it, really I do. I was just over
[quoted text clipped - 8 lines]
> > including
> > herself.

Reply to this Message

Jo Ann Malina - 18 Aug 2005 10:59 GMT

It's funny how driving is the thread that unravels the whole sweater,
isn't it? Driving takes motor skills, memory, and also higher
functions like judgement. When it starts to go, a lot of things are
going wrong. It may be one of the best seat-of-the-pants diagnostic
tools we laymen have.

Plus, if someone can't drive any more, they may have to move, or take
cabs, or hope there's senior/disabled transit available. Groceries
may have to be delivered, and then there are doctor's appointments,
going to the hairdresser or barber shop, church. Unless someone already
lives in senior housing with lots of services available, or a very
small town where most things can be walked to, "can't drive" appears to
equal "must move." (If you live alone, of course.)

Signature

Jo Ann Malina, make spamthis best to find my address
Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car
could go straight upwards. -- Fred Hoyle

Lee <sleeplessinwherever@hotmail.com> is alleged to have said:

> none... none at all, unfortunately
>
[quoted text clipped - 37 lines]
>> but
>> what good will that do.

Reply to this Message

Evelyn Ruut - 17 Aug 2005 13:17 GMT

Hi Galena,

There have been a few posts lately about driving, and I have already spoken
enough about it, but I did want to say that I appreciate your dilemma, and
feel for you about it. Yes, it has to be done, and it is hard. Crying is
sometimes all we have while watching someone we love suffer from this
illness. But after you have dried your tears, you sometimes find your
strength to go on another day.

Signature

Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

Reply to this Message

Dennis P. Harris - 18 Aug 2005 12:21 GMT

> I want to do it, but I am feeling so torn about it because it is her only
> escape from her isolated home.

then it's time for her to move somewhere she doesn't need to
drive.

Reply to this Message

Karen - 19 Aug 2005 04:20 GMT

Aside from the driving issue, if her home is that isolated, I'd be worried
about the possibility of her going to the mailbox or some such and getting
lost. It may not seem probable right now, but when it started with my MIL,
it took us all by surprise. Of course, the next day, she had no memory of
being found wandering in the fields the night before because "her parents
called her and told her to come home."

Last year, an elderly man froze to death one winter night at an Assisted
Living Facility because he stepped outside and couldn't find the door back
in. He wasn't on the Alzheimer's wing, he was in an AL apartment where you
could come and go as you please.

Karen

> > I want to do it, but I am feeling so torn about it because it is her only
> > escape from her isolated home.
>
> then it's time for her to move somewhere she doesn't need to
> drive.

Reply to this Message