Dad called tonight. He announced he has made arrangements to get to the
surgeon on Wednesday without my help and will take my mom to her doctor's
appointment on Thursday. Sum total of conversation. Obviously he no longer
wants my help on anything. Now I have to figure out the next step.

Here are my choices:

1. Make the appointment for him to tour the AL facility (as he agreed) and
call tomorrow to tell him when, ignoring his current reaction. Cons: Lets
him get away with being uncommunicative and selfish.

2. Back off and wait for him to contact me again. Let him wait until he
realizes Mom needs more care than he can give (which may take a LONG time,
given that he's waiting for complaints from her to know he is not caring for
her well.). Cons: Mom gets hurt, both by continuing estrangement and less
than optimal level of care. When he decides he's ready, space may not be
available.

3. Take off the kid gloves and start taking the legal steps to have Mom
placed, including suing for half of the marital assets to support her. Cons:
Mom will be devastated, which could accelerate her decline. Severs
relationship with him (not that its much of one anyway, but I have an
overdeveloped "Honor thy father and mother" bump -- comes with being a PK.)
Legal expense.

Suggestions? Things I should take into account as I make a decision?

Sorry to take up so much of the group's time right now, but I feel very
alone on this. Hubby is in favor of #3, but mostly "because you can't let
him get away from this," which I see as more of a desire to "win" than find
the best answer. Brother is not being responsive. Mom's only sibling still
thinks Mom is just a "bit confused" -- but she hasn't seen her in person in
more than a year.

Songbird