Dad did not take my comments well. He says he has "no complaints" from my
mom about her care (!) but he would move to AL with her when *she* says it
is time.

(Yeah, Dad, throw the blame and responsibility on a woman who has a brain
disease which impairs her memory, judgment and reasoning skills!!!)

"Dad, it appears keeping the house clean is too much for you" -- "I cleaned
both bathrooms this morning." (OK, you cleaned the toilets (FINALLY) but
aren't mirrors supposed to be CLEAR? And I thought the floor was white, not
yellow...)
"I worry about you eating the wrong things; you're diabetic and you drink
chocolate milk and eat Snickers ice cream." -- "Your mother likes Snickers
ice cream. And I only have one small cone a day."
"Mom needs more care than you can handle. The cardiologist wants her to walk
a half hour a day, but she can't go by herself, and you don't seem to be up
to going with her." -- "It's hot and she doesn't want to walk. If she says
she wants to go for a walk, I'll go with her."

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The man does not understand SHE IS NOT THE WOMAN SHE ONCE WAS. But he has
always been a selfish, defensive egotist who puts his needs in front of
everyone else's.

At one point he said I had been trying to get him into AL for two years.
(Not true -- I talked him OUT of a facility much like the one I want him to
consider now because of $$ -- they were in better health then!)

Finally he just said, "Make the arrangements then."

Maybe I should have just said, "OK, start packing."  I knew he didn't mean
it, and would have taken it out on my mom, reversed the decision, made my
life a living hell, etc.

So I said, "Dad, you're not one to make rash decisions. All I want today is
for you to say you'll keep an open mind and look at the place." He agreed --
now we'll see if he goes. I got the silent treatment the rest of the
afternoon.

Mom was in tears and left the room. I went in to her and told her I was
sorry for upsetting her and making her angry, that I just wanted to make
sure they were both well taken care of. She told me she was not angry at me,
just at the situation. I think she sees the need more than Dad, but she
won't move away from him willingly. She and I are OK.

The bishop does not have any power over him except to break the contract he
has with the church. At this time, that is probably not a good idea for
Dad's mood and mental health. Episcopal bishops do not have that much power
over a priest's private life, especially if the priest is retired. He cannot
*order* my dad to do anything. Before he retired, a (different) bishop
instructed him to see a counselor for possible depression. He did, the
counselor said definitely depression so counseling or early retirement (by
six months), Dad said "I'm not depressed, and I'll retire."

One of his last comments was "You're telling me my life is over." I told
him, no, that I was trying to make life easier for him.

So I'll wait for him to calm down. Brother is going to call tonight and see
if Dad brings it up. (Brother is totally in favor of AL.) I'm going to give
it some time to see if I can get him to do this voluntarily. If not, then
I'll take steps to take care of Mom and let him do whatever. She won't want
to leave him, so I may just have to wait for him to hit bottom, as long as
she is reasonably OK.

Songbird