Hi.... Looks like  a nice newsgroup here.   I'm reasonably lucky in that
mother's dementia has progressed slowly (it started in October of '92) and
she's become very sweet and easy to get along with for the most part.
That's the good news about her dementia.   I have a brother who has Durable
Power of Attorney over her and thinks that she can decide what's best for
herself.   For the past several years she has been going to Florida every
winter.   My brother takes her down there and leaves her and arranges for a
neighbor ( this neighbor is 90 years old and not in good physical health) to
take her to the store.   He was going to use her money to buy her a new car
in 2001 so I had to turn her into the state of Florida that she isn't
capable of driving and eventually her license was suspended.  Anyway he told
me that he took her to the doctor (here in Indiana) about a week ago and the
doctor told him that she is in the final stages of dementia and might start
having physical problems.  The doctor pointed out her lack of bathing and
increasing confusion were signs of this.  He asked the doctor if she could
live alone with someone looking in on her and the doctor that would be fine
but he neglected to tell the doctor that Mom's nearest relative would be
1100 miles away.  .  Mom has never wondered off and some days can actually
carry on a conversation, use the phone and you wouldn't guess how impaired
she is.  My brother insists that she go to Florida and he will employ a
social service agency to look in on her twice a week.  He also said that she
would be in Florida a shorter period of time.  My question for discussion is
should I take him to court for guardianship if he continues to insist that
she go.  He will not listen to any other family member about this and
insists we are all wrong about her ability to make decisions.   He is very,
very dense.   I agreed to give him the POA a few years ago when I was taking
care of a special needs grandchild during the day.   I still take care of
this grandchild but he's much better and no longer has a cpap or trach.   He
only has a feeding tube now and is learning to eat.  He's 4 years old.
This may cause a terrible family riff if I take my brother to court and Mom
may get along in Florida ok if we're lucky.  I can easily talk my mother
into staying here in Indiana in an assisted living facility but then my
brother talks her out of it.  According to my attorney when my mother signed
the POA she wanted my brother to make all her decisions.  My daughter has
had the same problem.   She will talk her grandmother into staying here in
Indiana but then my brother will talk her out of it.   Guardianship would
put more stress on me and my husband who has POA for his 101 year old
mother.  Yikes! We sound like one of those soap operas.  Is there another
alternative that I haven't thought of?   I've called the doctor and asked
that she be more direct with my brother about my mother's capabilities.  But
knowing my brother this probably won't work.  Another scenario would be
having the doctor sign a statement saying my mother is incompetent when he
leaves her in Florida and faxing a copy of the letter to the local social
service agencies including the one that is looking in on her.  Another legal
problem is that she is a resident of Florida.  I know there's no easy answer
unless by some miracle he comes to his senses.   He did eventually agree I
was right about the driving thing but it wasn't until he exhausted
everything to try to help to get her license back.  Perhaps I'm just using
you all as a sounding board and I apologize for such a long post.   My
brother isn't a monster.  He takes very good care of Mom on day to day
things.  That what makes this so hard.  He's 65 and not married.  Thanks for
listening........