it's times like that that dementia can be a blessing, eh? (yes, I am
Canadian as a matter of fact LOL) .....   She won't remember ...

I know that when I get angry at my MIL, it bothers me for a LOT longer than
it does her....  if I can take a deep breath and just start over, she gets
over it a whole lot faster  (easier said than done, of course!)

must be awfully tempting to just cut and run .... and maybe that is exactly
what you should do, for your own sake .... but  seems to me that the fact
that you're still trying, and still putting up with her means that you have
a whole lot more resources than maybe even you know ....

all any of us can do is our best... and we all have limits...

Boydette, you have my sympathies. It reminds me of how I treat my wife.

Her major problem, no actually, one of her many failures is to still think of me
as a normal human being and responds to me as such. Thus, when I am forever
saying, "I've seen this program already" she'll treat me as if I didn't have AZ
and get a bit frustrated.

It might be that, similarly, she is accurately--for her--repeating her
encounters and feelings to you but that they are fantasies and she is not
recognising it.

I don't think I could really imaging what it's like to be in your or my wife's
position. It might be that both of you need a great big furry hat that you can
wear to remind you when you are dealing with la la world (i.e. us) and don't
have to treat it as real.

Just for my information, do you think of her as a normal grownup? If so, would
it help to create a mental picture of her as a clown, a puppy or something else?
Sounds silly, even to me, but maybe some sort of dislocation might allow the
person you love(d) to become more like a young innocent toddler -- pretty much
what we become, sigh!

Just on a different topic, does anybody know if anybody from--working
for--Alzheimer's Assoc read this group? I was at a focus group session a couple
of days ago which had the attention of bringing the needs of sufferers to our
federal parliamentary representatives. Somewhere along the way, during one of
the breaks, somebody raised the question that AA seemed to be unwilling to use
AD sufferers as volunteers. The idea of that spread like wildfire and seemed to
outrage many.

I had personally raised the question before with some of the staff but was
brushed off without any response. It's become a bit of an obsession for me
because I feel the greatest indignity of this disease is that we sufferers
suffer a loss of dignity by too many people deciding what we should or should
not be doing without any notification or by your leave.

I must admit that there weren't any adverts. I had noticed that the website
seemed to be--like so many current ones--designed for the interest of the
graphic designers (to add to their portfolio) instead of the interest of the
intended readership. In this case,  that would be those with failing
capabilities or poor eyesight due to advancing age. Let's not be unnecessarily
generous, however! Even those without AD could have difficulty navigating the
site.

For example, look at my local one (albeit obviously having the same look and
feel of the other Australian ones) at
http://www.alzheimers.asn.au/index.php?page=viewStory&id=8148

The text of the links along the top are all embedded within a blue graphic. Thus
when you increase the size to make it larger, the text actually becomes
blurrier. My eyesight is reasonable, but I believe many other would have
difficulties.

For those of us using the popular Opera browser (which makes it VERY easy to
change the text size (just use the + and - keys on the numeric keypad).
Unfortunately, the authors (sic) have coded the page such that the menu system
goes bananas and the page becomes unreadable. I've been using Opera for several
years not and have _never before_ encountered such a bizarre display.

Adobe Acrobat is not a particularly bad product. When, however, a website has
the occasional Acrobat file it becomes a nuisance. In the case of Alzheimer's
readers, both sufferers and carers are less likely to habe Acrobat installed. I
haven't yet explored the entire site, but all the PDF files I've seen could be
quite adequately replaced by normal HTML markup. I suggest this is foolish and
is likely to preclude older visitors from accessing the information on the site.

Another thing that makes me splutter!

The World Wide Web Consortium that created and defined the operation of the web
(give me some leeway regarding the line above, please) did a wonderful job.
Sadly, too much leeway was allowed.

In the old days, links to other pages were clearly visible and standardised.
These days, anything goes. Thus, at
http://www.alzheimers.asn.au/index.php?page=viewStory&id=8148, "What is
Dementia?" is a link but it's marked as a header and the poor reader now has to
tab or use the mouse to determine whether or not "What is Dementia?" is just
emphasised or is a header. Not only that, but the contrast between the black
text of the message text and the header is hardly evident. And why, oh why, oh
why does the colour (Aussie spelling) of the burgundy titles change to red when
the mouse is moved over them?

Could it be because the authors ignored the World Wide Web Consortium's Web
Standards and Guidelines (http://www.w3.org/Consortium/)?

-
Mind control is being able to make all the voices in your head take turns.

Mod as a hooter!

once again, the answer, boydette, is simple.  just disconnect.
don't take her phone calls, talk to her, or go visit.  just take
a looooong break and get yourself well.

of course you never do, which is why i really *do* get tired of
your constant venting when you don't do the only thing that will
stop the irritation and frustration, which is to simply
disconnect for your own health.

it's not cruel, and it may even be kinder, to just stay out of
contact for a month or two.  she won't get upset, and neither
will you.