 |
 | Home | Contact Us | FAQ | Search & Site Map | Link to Us |
 | Sign In | Join | Other 45 Sites in Network |
Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / July 2005Guess who I ran into at a BBQ today?
Hi Everyone, We went to a holiday BBQ today, and we ran into the woman who ran our local alzheimers support group. She was a little dismayed that we haven't been attending group lately, but was very happy to see us. An issue came up that I think is very important, and it is important for us here on this newsgroup as well. We were talking about the value of group support through the caregiving experience, and we were saying how sometimes you may just need to vent how frustrated, how anxious, and even sometimes angry you can get when you are dealing with this illness in a loved one. There are times you could just say "If I hear that same question ONE MORE TIME, I am just going to blow my stack!!!!!!" When that sort of thing is spoken of in a group (and here too) there is always a bit of misperception, where people start to think you are really being a mean person, and that you are probably unsuited to being a caregiver. In real life however, sometimes you just need to let those feelings out, to know that someone, somewhere, knows just how frustrating it can be. After speaking ones piece, however, one might just as well go home and be super sweet to the very person who has evoked that very outburst! I know that in the case of one poster here, she felt that we were not understanding enough when she was venting her frustration. I know I was probably just as guilty of that kind of misunderstanding myself. Anyway, I just wanted to mention our conversation, and that sometimes people are just needing a place to blow off steam in a safe haven like a support group, and it may not be the way they behave with their loved one at all.  SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') I am a new person to this group. I posted earlier and someone told me to search the archives for answers to questions I might have. I have done so through Google groups and have received extremely valuable information. However, the one thing that I find myself wanting more than information is a safe place to express my feelings, emotions, and frustrations. If I can do that, I am a more patient and compassionate caregiver for my Mom. janice > Hi Everyone, > [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > support group, and it may not be the way they behave with their loved one > at all. > Re: Guess who I ran into at a BBQ today? > Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Sun, [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > for my Mom. > --- Ronny: I do love Google Search! :-) And yes,this is a safe place to express all you mentioned. :-) And that is not only good for your Mom;but it can also be great for you! Just better to let those frustations out here or if they come our around your Mom,then you can tell about that here as well and that will help calm you down. I know it does me! LoL I'm already calmer tonight just from getting on here and making one post! :-) Just getting it out, talking about it all really helps. And that's good! :-) > Re: Guess who I ran into at a BBQ today? > Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Sun, [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > more patient and compassionate caregiver > for my Mom. Hi Janice, I have no idea why, but I didn't see your post (above) at all until Ronny replied to you. I do believe I saw your first post which you referred to above. Yes, the archives can be very helpful, but you can ALWAYS ask questions here, even if they were covered in the past. In fact I can probably tell you that all the questions arise over and over again here, as each new person arrives. There is also a website associated with this group. Here is the link to the home page. http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm Please realize that you are free to post here and speak about any thing you want. This is not a moderated newsgroup, so also be aware that it is somewhat public, and you can get anything from kind and helpful replies to out and out trolls replying. Fortunately we don't have a lot of trolls here, but there is always the occasional one, and if you just killfile them like most of us have, it will be OK. Welcome to the group. :-) SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') > Guess who I ran into at a BBQ today? > [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > group, and it may not be the way they > behave with their loved one at all. Ronny: Well,I can tell onething I did today that I'm not proud of at all and then tell what led up to it. About 2:30pm or so today I got up out of my living room recliner,told Mom I was going to my bedroom to try to get some more sleep and as I went through my bedroom door I slammed,I mean really slammed it. Went and laid down on my bed to try to sleep a bit,even though I had noticed my pillow wasn't there. Remembered that Mom had taken it to the living room;but I was still too mad to go back in there and get it! LoL Couldn't sleep,so got up. Mom seemed OK,I still wasn't,so I went ahead out in the back yard to feed and water the birds. By the time I got all of that done,I was mostly calmed down. :-) Came back in,got online a bit,saw Mom had finally gone to sleep, so I climbed back into my recliner to finish my nap. This was around 6:30pm or so and I slept till nearly 9:15! :-) What made me so mad to start with? Several things lately;but the last was today after 2pm. I was tired,wanting to take a nap;but Mom wasn't showing any signs of slowing down even a fair while after I'd given her her med to calm her down. So,I decided to take a nap in my recliner instead of going to my bedroom and bed. Then over about 20 or so minutes she woke me up several times or pushed me with her hand just as I was about to fall back asleep after her waking me up! LoL The last time did it. That was when she either accidentally spilled or purposely poured a bit of water on me out of her cup after I had just gone back to sleep or was about too! (ha) Now that woke me up good! LoL Made me mad too and that's when I headed for my bedroom to try and sleep there and really slammed the door behind me! Too,the gal that was supposed to come last week to stay 15 hours with Mom over 4 days,told me the Thursday before that,that she was taking last week off because her husband was on vacation. (And I could be remembering wrong;but swear I think he had a one week vacation earlier this year!) Anyway,she asked me if I wanted someone else to come last week? I said yes,at least for one day so I could go grocery shopping,etc. Then said two days would be better as something else could always come up that I needed to do. So she said she would tell the home health care people she works for that I wanted someone to come for at least two days last week. Last Monday and nobody came,Tuesday and no one came. Then one sister came by and I asked her if she knew anything about it? The only thing she knew was that she didn't think the home health people had anyone to send out last week. OK,near the end of last week and no one had come at all from our local home health care. But another sister and her husband came by and brought us his deceased Mom's recliner. {I like it as it's easier for Mom to put up and down. :-)} But about the time they were leaving Sis and talked just a bit about no one coming last week and I wasn't too upset then because I was thinking Monday isn't too far off and the regular gal will be here then. I mentioned that to Sis and she said; well,she may not come that day since it's July 4th! I just blurted out then,she blamed well better come! LoL What bummed me out was thinking she might not come for 3 or 4 hours tomorrow,when she took all of last week off because her husband was on vacation then! I have calmed down some though from that :-) and really don't care if she comes tommorow or not. I could stand to go grocery shopping and such;but we still have enough for us and the birds. :-) Cats are a bit upset though as I ran out of cat food the other day. I've feeding them scraps and the poor dears are not happy with that! LoL But as I would like to tell them,they can eat what I give them or not,as they please;but they want be getting more cat food until I can go grocery shopping! LoL And then there was early last week or right before that when my next oldest sister came by to see Mom and talk to me by myself about something. What about? Well,she was all upset a few years back when she was here and started saying something about gay people and I finally had enough of that and just popped out and told her for the first time that I was gay. :-) Wasn't the best way to do it;but then that's the way it happened.LoL And Sis had a fit about that then and kept telling me I couldn't be gay! And when I told her again,yeah I was,then she would get more upset-I mean she got super upset! Come to think of it,I've never even seen Mom get that hyper at her worst!LoL So several days back this sister comes to see me and Mom and to talk to me privately and in all the years since I first came out to her,we have never talked about that;but she wanted to talk about it the other day. The problem,she felt guilty! She thinks she influenced me to be gay when we were young teens! (Sis is around 2 1/2 years older than me.) How does she think she influenced me to be gay? Well, it seems when she was maybe around her mid teens she and this neighbor girl experimented with kissing with each other! LoL And Sis got it into her head that I saw that or heard about it and she became convinced that was what influenced me to be gay! LoL And she felt so guilty about that-said she had felt guilty about it ever since I told her I was gay several years ago and now she wanted to apologise for her part in influencing me to be gay starting when I was a young kid! LoL Oh,my! I told her she hadn't and told her that the big problem with her whole theory was that way back then I never saw or heard a word about her and that girl kissing! Her telling me the other day was the first I knew of that! LoL Now when Sis's theory there didn't pan out as she expected,then she got onto something else and said I must of been influenced to be gay because a guy,one of my brother-in-laws,molested me once when I was 16 years old. I told her nope, that wasn't true either and that because I had known I was gay 4 years before that all happened. Not easy talking to this sister;but I was trying to get over to her that no one influenced me to be gay and that no one chooses to be gay,no more than anyone chooses to be heterosexual;but she didn't want to hear any of that and let me know that real quick,so I didn't get to talk to her about that much. And I must say,it was more pleasant around here after she went on home! :-) Which she quickly did after I told her that she or no one else had influenced me to be gay and that I hadn't chosen to be either;but that I was. And she can't stand it that I'm fine with that now. So,much nicer and quieter after that sister went home the other day! (ha) Just unloading some here from some of my stresses from the last week or two. (sigh) Does help! LoL See y'all later. :-) (snip) Ronny said: "Not easy talking to this sister;but I was trying to get over to her that no one influenced me to be gay and that no one chooses to be gay,no more than anyone chooses to be heterosexual;but she didn't want to hear any of that and let me know that real quick,so I didn't get to talk to her about that much. And I must say,it was more pleasant around here after she went on home! :-) Which she quickly did after I told her that she or no one else had influenced me to be gay and that I hadn't chosen to be either;but that I was. And she can't stand it that I'm fine with that now. So,much nicer and quieter after that sister went home the other day! (ha) Just unloading some here from some of my stresses from the last week or two. (sigh) Does help! LoL See y'all later. :-)" Hi Ronny, I am glad you were finally able to talk to your sister about your life. The only drawback about speaking ones heart here, is the fact that usenet is so public. Anyone can post here, whether they are trolls or off-topic individuals just dropping in to check us out. We have been pretty lucky in not having too much of that. But unfortunately not everyone has a local support group that is easy to attend, and even then they have to get a "granny-sitter" to get out of the house. So Usenet, for all its faults becomes a good sounding board for so many. It was for me for the last few years too. The lady I spoke with at the BBQ said yesterday that it is so disheartening when a new person shows up at the "group" to find they are the only person there that day! She asked us (hubby and I) to please come out from time to time to help, having already been through this journey and being somewhat animated conversationalists, we break the ice for newbies, and we don't even need to get anyone to sit at home for us anymore. The big problem is that there is money to fund support groups, but the Alzheimer association doesn't want to fund a group that nobody comes to. So having a good local in-person support group is really dependent on YOU too! SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') It is amazing how some people do improve the general emotional atmosphere by removing themselves, isn't it? <grin> I remember telling a care facility administrator about my SIL that hasn't wanted to be involved AT ALL that I fully expected Sis to show her deep love and concern by getting involved at the very end and nit-picking or second guessing every decision made along the way. The woman looked at my hubby and asked if I had already gone through this with another relative. LOL! Karen ---snip---- So,much nicer and quieter after that sister went home the other day! (ha) Just unloading some here from some of my stresses from the last week or two. (sigh) Does help! LoL See y'all later. :-) the last time I tried to take a nap when it was just my MIL and I here, I woke up with her hand INSIDE my shirt!!!! I was NOT amused think I'd have told your sister that she's right... it IS all her fault....... but you can make it up to me by staying here for a few hours so that I can go do my shopping; thanks... and run like hell LOL > Guess who I ran into at a BBQ today? > [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > group, and it may not be the way they > behave with their loved one at all. Ronny: Well,I can tell onething I did today that I'm not proud of at all and then tell what led up to it. About 2:30pm or so today I got up out of my living room recliner,told Mom I was going to my bedroom to try to get some more sleep and as I went through my bedroom door I slammed,I mean really slammed it. Went and laid down on my bed to try to sleep a bit,even though I had noticed my pillow wasn't there. Remembered that Mom had taken it to the living room;but I was still too mad to go back in there and get it! LoL Couldn't sleep,so got up. Mom seemed OK,I still wasn't,so I went ahead out in the back yard to feed and water the birds. By the time I got all of that done,I was mostly calmed down. :-) Came back in,got online a bit,saw Mom had finally gone to sleep, so I climbed back into my recliner to finish my nap. This was around 6:30pm or so and I slept till nearly 9:15! :-) What made me so mad to start with? Several things lately;but the last was today after 2pm. I was tired,wanting to take a nap;but Mom wasn't showing any signs of slowing down even a fair while after I'd given her her med to calm her down. So,I decided to take a nap in my recliner instead of going to my bedroom and bed. Then over about 20 or so minutes she woke me up several times or pushed me with her hand just as I was about to fall back asleep after her waking me up! LoL The last time did it. That was when she either accidentally spilled or purposely poured a bit of water on me out of her cup after I had just gone back to sleep or was about too! (ha) Now that woke me up good! LoL Made me mad too and that's when I headed for my bedroom to try and sleep there and really slammed the door behind me! Too,the gal that was supposed to come last week to stay 15 hours with Mom over 4 days,told me the Thursday before that,that she was taking last week off because her husband was on vacation. (And I could be remembering wrong;but swear I think he had a one week vacation earlier this year!) Anyway,she asked me if I wanted someone else to come last week? I said yes,at least for one day so I could go grocery shopping,etc. Then said two days would be better as something else could always come up that I needed to do. So she said she would tell the home health care people she works for that I wanted someone to come for at least two days last week. Last Monday and nobody came,Tuesday and no one came. Then one sister came by and I asked her if she knew anything about it? The only thing she knew was that she didn't think the home health people had anyone to send out last week. OK,near the end of last week and no one had come at all from our local home health care. But another sister and her husband came by and brought us his deceased Mom's recliner. {I like it as it's easier for Mom to put up and down. :-)} But about the time they were leaving Sis and talked just a bit about no one coming last week and I wasn't too upset then because I was thinking Monday isn't too far off and the regular gal will be here then. I mentioned that to Sis and she said; well,she may not come that day since it's July 4th! I just blurted out then,she blamed well better come! LoL What bummed me out was thinking she might not come for 3 or 4 hours tomorrow,when she took all of last week off because her husband was on vacation then! I have calmed down some though from that :-) and really don't care if she comes tommorow or not. I could stand to go grocery shopping and such;but we still have enough for us and the birds. :-) Cats are a bit upset though as I ran out of cat food the other day. I've feeding them scraps and the poor dears are not happy with that! LoL But as I would like to tell them,they can eat what I give them or not,as they please;but they want be getting more cat food until I can go grocery shopping! LoL And then there was early last week or right before that when my next oldest sister came by to see Mom and talk to me by myself about something. What about? Well,she was all upset a few years back when she was here and started saying something about gay people and I finally had enough of that and just popped out and told her for the first time that I was gay. :-) Wasn't the best way to do it;but then that's the way it happened.LoL And Sis had a fit about that then and kept telling me I couldn't be gay! And when I told her again,yeah I was,then she would get more upset-I mean she got super upset! Come to think of it,I've never even seen Mom get that hyper at her worst!LoL So several days back this sister comes to see me and Mom and to talk to me privately and in all the years since I first came out to her,we have never talked about that;but she wanted to talk about it the other day. The problem,she felt guilty! She thinks she influenced me to be gay when we were young teens! (Sis is around 2 1/2 years older than me.) How does she think she influenced me to be gay? Well, it seems when she was maybe around her mid teens she and this neighbor girl experimented with kissing with each other! LoL And Sis got it into her head that I saw that or heard about it and she became convinced that was what influenced me to be gay! LoL And she felt so guilty about that-said she had felt guilty about it ever since I told her I was gay several years ago and now she wanted to apologise for her part in influencing me to be gay starting when I was a young kid! LoL Oh,my! I told her she hadn't and told her that the big problem with her whole theory was that way back then I never saw or heard a word about her and that girl kissing! Her telling me the other day was the first I knew of that! LoL Now when Sis's theory there didn't pan out as she expected,then she got onto something else and said I must of been influenced to be gay because a guy,one of my brother-in-laws,molested me once when I was 16 years old. I told her nope, that wasn't true either and that because I had known I was gay 4 years before that all happened. Not easy talking to this sister;but I was trying to get over to her that no one influenced me to be gay and that no one chooses to be gay,no more than anyone chooses to be heterosexual;but she didn't want to hear any of that and let me know that real quick,so I didn't get to talk to her about that much. And I must say,it was more pleasant around here after she went on home! :-) Which she quickly did after I told her that she or no one else had influenced me to be gay and that I hadn't chosen to be either;but that I was. And she can't stand it that I'm fine with that now. So,much nicer and quieter after that sister went home the other day! (ha) Just unloading some here from some of my stresses from the last week or two. (sigh) Does help! LoL See y'all later. :-) Lee, you have a wicked sense of humor! Thanks, I needed that chuckle.:-) Karen > the last time I tried to take a nap when it was just my MIL and I here, I > woke up with her hand INSIDE my shirt!!!! [quoted text clipped - 169 lines] > Just unloading some here from some of my stresses from the last week or > two. (sigh) Does help! LoL See y'all later. :-) |
Reply to this Message |
 Sign In
 Join
 My Latest Posts My Monitored Threads My Blog My Photo Gallery My Profile My Homepage Start New Thread Enable EMail Alerts Rate this Thread
|
©2009 Advenet LLC Privacy Policy - Terms of Use
This website includes both content owned or controlled by Advenet as well as content owned or controlled by third parties.