Well, it is as simple an exercise as this.  Picture yourself as being ill.
Would you really rather be with relatives, who, loving as they may be, would
be stressed out and exhausted to their utter limits in caring for you, or in
a professional facility, where you are an individual with all your dignity
intact?

I thought because of Ida's ethnicity and her keeping only within her own
little community all her life, and only speaking her own language as much as
possible, she might have a hard time adapting.   I was completely wrong.
She adapted very well and very quickly.   She also never forgot her english
either, which was a great fear of ours.

But to be fair, she kept asking when she was going home, but it was nearly a
habitual thing, not really something she expected an answer to.

We saw her many times when she didn't know we had arrived yet, and she was
comfortable and interacting with the caregivers well.

I remember the weekends.  They were the worst.   Ida went to the daycare
center during the weekdays, and evenings weren't so bad, but the weekends
were the pits.   She would be restless and ask a million questions all the
time, and nothing one could say would placate her for more than a second or
two.   Hope your respite comes through soon, Lee.

for once he IS right!  remember, it's not good or pleasant for
her to be so agitated, either.  you need to deal with a anxiety,
not with the behavioral symptoms resulting from it.  give her the
ativan and give yourself a chance to relax.

Re: Ativan  
Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Sun, Jun 19, 2005, 10:31am (CDT+1)
From: sleeplessinwherever@hotmail.com (Lee)
definitely isn't constipation with her!
Usually it's just plain ol' crankiness ... or more accurately, bad
dynamics between us .... she gets downright bitchy, demanding, and rude
towards me - I can put up with it for awhile - often for hours... but
eventually I snap at her and tell her she has to wait for something ....
then I'm 'mad' and she has to ~fix it~ by mauling me every 30 seconds
for HOURS ...doesn't ~get~ that the fact that she won't leave me alone,
give me 2 frigging inches of personal space, STOP GRABBING AT
ME!!!!!!!!!!! makes me more "mad"
trying to stay calm, distract her (ice cream used to work), joke with
her, be 'not mad' doesn't slow her down - nor does trying to physically
remove myself for a bit (to the bathroom or outside) - once she gets
going she just won't stop usually till hubby comes and takes over (even
then, she doesn't STOP, just transfers over to him - although her
response to his 'mad' is generally less physical / demanding ...she'll
go hide in her room for a bit)

Ronny:
What gets to me is Mom will get tears or teared up when I get mad. {And
there are even times she asks me what I'm mad at her about when I'm not
even mad!} And of course,I feel bad and guilty when my getting mad
upsets her and that because I know she not doing anything to purposely
make me mad. She does things and simply doesn't know any better or she
thinks she doing something right and good. Especially the part about
covering me up so I won't get cold. :-)

Lee:
the Ativan tablets are .5mg ... directions say she can have 2 tablets
twice
a day 'as needed'

Ronny:
1mg is what I'm giving Mom now. Was a 1/2mg tablet 2 or 3 times a day.
So far 1mg once a day is keeping her pretty calm. But will up that to
another a 2nd daily dose of 1/2mg or 1mg if I think that's needed.

Lee:
we're putting a lock on the bathroom door today so that I have SOMEPLACE
that I can go to get AWAY from her .... without physically having to
hold the door shut while she pulls on the other side and begs to be
allowed in - I'm sure she'll still try to open it and beg, but at least
I'll be able to use the washroom without the battle over the door

Ronny:
Y'all put in your bathroom door lock and I'll put in my kitchen door
deadbolt lock!:-)

And I was wondering about y'all not having a bathroom door lock?! But
then there uses to be 5 kids and 2 adults in this house,so we had to
have one! LoL

Lee:
when I asked hubby for the lock he said on one condition - the FIRST
time you feel the need to use it to get away from her, you give her the
Ativan - full dose ... he thinks I'm not using it early enough - or
enough, period .... I suppose he's right, but ....

Ronny:
You know I'm really admiring your patience with your husband here and
that's no joke! If it were me and he'd said that to me,I would of been
very tempted to hit him upside the head with something big and stout :-)
or at the least told him short and sweet where he could go jump!LoL

The process of AD is much like the process of development, only backward.
When my toddlers were in that grabby, clingy phase that had me in tears, I
found eventually, I had to sit down and cuddle them, no matter how much I
needed space and bodily integrity. And once you're mad at her, it creates a
secondary anxiety - not only was she upset about something before, but now
the person she relies upon to keep her safe is angry and wants to leave her
alone.

But you can't cuddle an adult with AD. They don't fit on your lap and you
can't snuggle and rock them. They aren't infants and infantilizing them
doesn't really meet their needs.The best you can do is attend to their
anxiety in an age appropriate way which is effective for the individual. And
if that's a higher dose of Ativan than you've been using, then that's OK -
because you are meeting her needs in the way that works for her.

If you are escaping to the bathroom for a mental health break, then perhaps
you've waited too long for the Ativan. Are their any signs that show the
anxiety is gaining momentum? If yes, you should have a behavior in mind that
if she is doing x, then you will giver her a full dose, so she doesn't get
to the grabbing at you, being right on top of you stage.

This stage doesn't last forever. Sadly, the disease eventually progresses.
It may be a few years, but eventually the ability to emote is flattened. So
you aren't using a chemical straight jacket; you are helping her cope with
out-of-control emotions. And it won't be forever; only as long as she needs
them.

Adelle