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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / August 2005Trouble with mom
I still have some problems with my mom, who was diagnosed with early- to mid-stage Alzheimer's. Every so often she says she sees someone coming up to our front door where, when I check, nobody's there. If I tell her that nobody's there, she gets angry and won't calm down until I agree with her. Also she thinks that someone's across the street where, when I look, I see nobody and have to agree with her to keep peace in the house. What can I do about this? Christine the first thing to do, I think, is to try not to correct her.... doesn't hurt anything to go along with her in most cases - even to use a bit of humour... have fun with it.... no one likes to be told they're wrong all the time, after all. My MIL often becomes convinced that there are all sorts of extra people (and dogs) in our house... telling her they're not increases her anxiety - telling her that we sent them all home and silliness like they were eating us out of house and home so we kicked them all out ... works much better. If problems and agitation become severe, might want to look into pharmaceutical solutions, i.e. see her doctor ... but just going along with her right from the start would likely be as effective. Given that 'learning new things' is usually pretty much one of the first skills lost, I think, there really isn't any benefit to correcting anything we don't have to. We try - not always successfully - to save the corrections for things that really matter ... i.e safety issues, etc... and even then, if possible, will use distraction whenever possible. >I still have some problems with my mom, who was diagnosed with early- to > mid-stage Alzheimer's. Every so often she says she sees someone coming up [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Christine >I still have some problems with my mom, who was diagnosed with early- to > mid-stage Alzheimer's. Every so often she says she sees someone coming up [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Christine Hi Christine, As you can see yourself, if you try and correct her she just gets upset. It is a common experience with alzheimer's patients. You can imagine how it must be to be losing all sense of the familiar, and maybe even experiencing delusions. The most skillful thing might be to divert her in some way. "Yes there was someone out front but they left" or something like that..... or to tell her that the person across the street "got into their car and drove away." That way you spare her from thinking you don't believe her. It is pretty much universally agreed that the best way is to agree with her in some way or to tell her anything at all that will settle her mind for the moment. She will forget what you have told her within a very short time anyway, so no harm is done. Getting into a pointless argument will only upset you both. It isn't to be confused with lying, and around here we call it "loving deception". My mother in law had delusions that got her very upset, and there was little to be done for it, but ultimately to medicate her. One delusion was that she imagined she'd given birth to a baby and that someone was keeping it from her. Naturally we couldn't produce a baby for her. Most of the time we showed her a picture of her great grandchild and told her the baby was "with its mother in Florida." Then she would insist that SHE was the mother and that the baby was hungry and needed to be nursed. It was very frustrating to deal with, and it was only one of the upsetting delusions she had. When it got to be pretty much constant, the doctor prescribed an anti-psychotic which helped enormously.  SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') Christine, I feel it is only fair to warn you that there are a few trolls that come to this newsgroup to harass. Just ignore or killfile them. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') >>I still have some problems with my mom, who was diagnosed with early- to >> mid-stage Alzheimer's. Every so often she says she sees someone coming [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > upsetting delusions she had. When it got to be pretty much constant, the > doctor prescribed an anti-psychotic which helped enormously. Evelyn Ruut Jun 7, 7:28 pm From: "Evelyn Ruut" <mama-lion...@hvc.rr.comDate: Tue, 07 Jun 2005 23:28:46 GMT Local: Tues,Jun 7 2005 7:28 pm Subject: Re: Trouble with mom "Christine, I feel it is only fair to warn you that there are a few trolls that come to this newsgroup to harass. Just ignore or killfile them." The truth hurts, doesn't it? Your friend, Betty From: "Christine Geary" <cge...@epix.net> "I still have some problems with my mom, who was diagnosed with early- to mid-stage Alzheimer's. Every so often she says she sees someone coming up to our front door where, when I check, nobody's there. If I tell her that nobody's there, she gets angry and won't calm down until I agree with her. Also she thinks that someone's across the street where, when I look, I see nobody and have to agree with her to keep peace in the house. What can I do about this?" Why don't you do what Dennis Harris did with his mom? Just lock her in a closet until she dies. And don't forget to get her to change her will so that you will inherit the house, too. > Why don't you do what Dennis Harris did with his mom? Just lock her in > a closet until she dies. And don't forget to get her to change her > will so that you will inherit the house, too. WTF is this about!? Don't you belong somewhere else? Like under a rock? Just killfile him, Bud. >> Why don't you do what Dennis Harris did with his mom? Just lock her in >> a closet until she dies. And don't forget to get her to change her >> will so that you will inherit the house, too. > > WTF is this about!? Don't you belong somewhere else? Like under a rock? >> Why don't you do what Dennis Harris did with his mom? Just lock her in >> a closet until she dies. And don't forget to get her to change her >> will so that you will inherit the house, too. > > WTF is this about!? Don't you belong somewhere else? Like under a rock? He's a troll Bud, just ignore him or killfile him. Most of us have. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') >>>Why don't you do what Dennis Harris did with his mom? Just lock her in >>>a closet until she dies. And don't forget to get her to change her [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > He's a troll Bud, just ignore him or killfile him. > Most of us have. Heh, again thanks. >I still have some problems with my mom, who was diagnosed with early- to >mid-stage Alzheimer's. Every so often she says she sees someone coming up [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > >Christine Just as when you agree with her when she sees a non-existent person across the street, go ahead and play along with the person at the door thing. Go to the door and tell her that they left or that it was delivery person picking up something you left for them or some such thing. She'll soon forget, but she will remember feelings of anxiety and upset for a long time. My mom was very delusional until we took her to a geriatric psychiatrist and she is now medicated and much less delusional. She's also quite happy most of the time and agreeable. Yes, her reality is not our reality, but to live with her and keep her happy we must adjust to her unreality. -steve > >I still have some problems with my mom, who was diagnosed with early- to > >mid-stage Alzheimer's. Every so often she says she sees someone coming up [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > her happy we must adjust to her unreality. > -steve Thanks; I appreciate the suggestions. Christine > nobody and have to agree with her to keep peace in the house. What can I > do > about this? Agree with her. <G> Then tell her the person is leaving. Repeat as necessary. Try not to go crazy as you do it. Songbird >I still have some problems with my mom, who was diagnosed with early- >to [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > >Christine I know this is a little late, but I lost my Mom 3/17 and I haven't look at the list for a long time, but anyway. My Mom thought someone was setting a soda can up on the railing on the front porch, she would call the police, they would come and tell her they did not see anyone. I lived right next door to Mom. I told her to call me whenever she say this, she would and I told her no one was there either. We sprinkled baby poweder on the porch and also put up a thread across the steps. The next day, same call from Mom. I would go up there and say look, no foot prints in the baby powder and the thread was still attached. Finally, one evening she called and I ran up there and she said look, it's on the rail, nothing there. I had Mom to open the door and look out and she finally saw there was nothing there. She never called about the soda can again. My Mom has called the police because she thought someone was breaking into her car. Last year she thought there was a man outside her bedroom window when she called the police. I am a little concerned that they will not respond to her calls anymore, and who knows if one time it might not be genuine. She accuses everyone of stealing from her - whatever she has misplaced, but mostly one of my brothers. He and his wife have snuck in at night and rummaged around in her basement, and she heard them. Her basement is full of junk and she has deadbolts on her doors. They could not sneak into her basement if they wanted to, which they don't. > >I still have some problems with my mom, who was diagnosed with early- > >to [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > out and she finally saw there was nothing there. She never called > about the soda can again. > My Mom has called the police because she thought someone was breaking into > her car. Last year she thought there was a man outside her bedroom window [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > of junk and she has deadbolts on her doors. They could not sneak into her > basement if they wanted to, which they don't. That paranoid stuff is fairly common, unfortunately. It is understandable if you think about it. They are losing control of their lives. Things are getting lost and going missing and they don't remember having anything to do with it, so they assume someone else "did it". Then they start to obsess about whom it could have been, speculating about this or that person. It can be so hurtful to be accused like that, but they can't imagine what could be happening, and they automatically assume someone is doing it to them. We ran into a bit of it too. Ida had been getting more and more confused, and the thing that obsessed her the most was her bankbooks. She had bankbooks and bankbooks, all old filled up and cancelled, and a new one was started. But she never kept the old ones separate, she kept them all together, and she would go over and over and over them, obsessively looking through them. She would go to the bank and demand that they give her interest on an old bankbook that was defunct. Then she would tell everybody that the bank "stole" her money, (because of course they couldn't give her interest on money that was transferred into another book). Somehow in her mind she imagined that the old books and the new one were in addition to one another, instead of in succession to one another. No amount of explaining it would do. One day we came to the house to visit and she was tearing the house apart for hours looking for her bankbooks. Finally after an hour of searching, I recalled that when we arrived she was reaching into the cabinet over the sink. On a long shot we looked there, and she had put the whole bunch of bankbooks into a bowl up there with the dishes! Who knows how long it would have been if I hadn't just vaguely remembered her reaching up there hours before! SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox') |
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