Hallo Everyone.  Please may I join the club?

Are there any Canadians in this group who might be able to clarify something
of interest to me please?
My friend, aged 62, has mild (possibly mild to moderate) dementia and it is
probably due to Alzheimers though tests are still on-going.  Her short term
memory is very poor but with appropriate prompting, help and encouragement
she is still able to lots of things for herself.  When I visited her
recently she was able to steer me effortlessly round the small town in which
she lives (I have never been there before) and knew exactly where we were
going to lunch and what she was going to eat and we had a great time *when*
we away from her home and her husband.  She *does* have problems, there is
no denying it, but IMHO the biggest one is her husband.

He is absolutely obsessed with health issues, his own and hers, and
constantly, and I mean *constantly* launches into dreadful litanies of doom
and despondency all delivered in graphic terms (she is in a 'downward spiral
leading down the inevitable path towards a long and lingering death .. no
one has survived ALZ yet' etc) right there in front of her.  She is never
allowed to forget what lies ahead of her .. as if she didn't know.  She was
a senior lecturer at a University and her field was .. yes, Alzheimers!
Outwith his company she is still very much her own person, within it she is
totally compliant because her husband demands no less.  The contrast between
one and the other is so very marked and I think what he is doing to her
amounts to mental abuse.
Alas, I understand that, unlike physical abuse, this is not a criminal
offence.
To my shame I sat there in their kitchen and listened to him and said
nothing .. because I promised Nell I would not do or say anything to provoke
his wrath, to which she responded, 'Thank you. It isn't easy'.  I kept my
promise and she was right.  It was the most difficult thing I have ever done
in my life.
I could write a book about what I saw and heard and it would make deeply
disturbing reading for any right minded person.

BTW, I am not a total ALZ novice myself if one can count 4½ years of caring
for my mother-in -law as experience.  It was unbelievably hard at times, we
went through a lot of the things some posters in here are currently
enduring, there were many tears of frustration and grief, long periods of
sheer exhaustion, feelings of great lonliness and isolation, not to mention
numerous guilt trips, we made many mistakes through which we learned a lot
about the disease and about ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses but
looking back we also had a lot of fun and laughs along the way.  As so often
happens even in the best regulated of families, the burden of care fell
mainly on one person .. me ..  but we all did our best to ensure for as long
as we could that our Amy had a decent quality of life.  And for as long as
she was able she was encouraged (within reason) to decide for herself what
she wanted to do, where she wanted to go, with whom and when, what she
wanted to wear, eat and so on.  And this is the point of this post.

Nell's husband makes *every* single decision there is to make right down to
how she fixes her hair.   I am not exaggerating.  He is a total and utter
control freak and she has absolutely no freedom at all.  She does realise it
.. she just seems incapable of doing anything about it because he is so
incredibly overbearing and she now lacks the vocabulary, especially when
under pressure, to argue her corner.  She tells me she hates confrontation
and 'atmospheres' and just goes along with what he says 'for a quiet life'
because he wins every argument anyway!  His behaviour incidently is nothing
new .. it's just that Nell is no longer able to withstand his bullying.
The latest I hear is that she even has 'minders' from their church with her
when walking her dog, not because she might get lost but because she might
pop into her friend's house for a coffee and chat, all 3 of which he has
decreed are taboo.

Really, it is none of my business what goes on between man and wife but I do
care very deeply for Nell, hence my interest.  We go back an awful long way.
Nick said in casual conversation once (he forbade her to visit her friend at
the other end of town because he can't stand 'that effing woman') that he is
Nell's legal guardian and has an EPOA, I presume meaning that he believes he
has the authority to deny her her right to see whom she wants.
Over here (U.K) a Power of Attorney covers the management of financial
affairs and issues of life and death (life support systems, rescusitation
etc.) only.  I have POA for my very Aged Parent (93 y.o), I pay her bills,
sort out her pension and so on and that's about it.  She chooses her
friends, her clothes, what time she gets up, when she wants to get her hair
done, whether or not she goes to Church, the Old Folks' Tea Party, out for a
walk etc. and she always has money in her purse.  OK so I make all her
appointments too and remind her of them and take her to them but it is she
who places the requests or gives the orders.  Bless her, she still gives the
orders even though much of the time she hasn't a clue what day, month or
even year it is!   But she always remembers her please's and thank you's.

What I really want to know is how an EPOA works in Nova Scotia and I hope
someone here can enlighten me.  The term 'Legal Guardian' implies that there
has been some sort of judicial decision made, perhaps in a Court.  *Would* a
Canadian Court grant such powers if someone was still deemed fit enough by a
doctor to make their own decisions?  The specialist she saw said she can no
longer manage her financial affairs and if travelling, say to visit her
family abroad, she would need to be escorted, and that's it.   Can one
assume that having been told what she is *not* capable of doing that she
*is*,  by omission from the list of can't do's, capable of deciding the
silly little niceties of life?

Also, what is the difference between an EPOA and a POA please?
I have Googled but discovered very little.

I apologise for the length of this post.  Thank you for your forbearance.
----
Kayar