Great to hear your kids are helping out, all kudos to them, got be good to
have much of the stress relieved from you.

Dear Florence,

Big hugs to you  ((((((((( Florence )))))))))

I was so heartened reading how your kids came through!   Maybe you will
finally get some real rest, and a good nights sleep for a change!   I cannot
tell you what I am feeling right now, because you know we only went through
the same thing a year ago.

You truly deserve the respite.   Those of us who post here, know how much.

AL in NJ not TX  
Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Mon, May 16, 2005, 11:33am (CDT+1)
From: smada@webtv.net (Florence A)
Dear Friends--
Posting and reading posts over the years have helped so much with the
anger, sometimes the hopelessness, the decisions and all the things that
come to a caretaker over time.
My 4 kids, God less them, never beat me over the head with "Mom you have
to," " I read" "time to" suggestions etc...They were just there. When I
knew it was time, they looked for a place, and this morning my son alone
took his Dad to an AL place for respite..Their comment "Mom, It's
payback time"
Four months respite....It will probably evolve into the inevitable...It
did not require furniture, bedding etc. Just clothing, tv, personal
items...
He watches very little tv,if someone will turn it on. I think he Finds
Cartoons & commercials the best---but who know?

Ronny:
My Mom likes the PBS shows with the little kids,Barney,Big Bird,etc. on
them. :-) Not sure why but those do make her happy at times and puts a
big smile on her face. :-)

Florence:
I believe he is much past recognizing or having memories of anything in
his past.
I'm just the "nice lady" I do believe the Aricept & Namenda ( plus my
catching the cues)are responsible for his still being Continent. The
facility says they have 2 hour toileting schedule..
It did surprise me that Don liked the place on our first visit..He asked
no questions .. He commented ' this is nice"..

Ronny:
I'm glad he liked the place and that you are going to get a much needed
rest! :-)

Florence:
The entry lead into an authentic"Parlor" of an 18th century house.,china
closet. still had remnants of gas lights..lace curtains piano etc..Off
this house, was built modern wings.
My children live about 45 minutes away from me, and perhaps I'm giving
them attributes, but they chose this place which is near them so I
really get respite.
or a reality check..This has been the toughest 12 yrs,,,tough tough
tough.
Pray all goes well--- at least for a little bit
Florence

Ronny:
Good for you kids! And prayer said you and all of your loved ones.

Your experience kind of points up a relatively common phenomenon with
mid to later AD patients. So often the caregivers fear that the person
will totally hate going into a "facility" and it seems like 8 times out
of 10, the transition is actually quite easy.

I expect our fears are because in the back of our heads we still think
of their preferences and perceptions as they were, rather than as they
are. By the time we are seriously thinking of placing a person, whether
for respite or permanently, they are often so far gone, they don't
really know where they are, and other than kind staff, it ceases to
matter much to THEM. Every place is equally confusing and unfamiliar.

When my MIL had to move from her first assisted living place to a
locked Alzheimer's ward in another facility, we were so worried that
she'd hate it and be upset - also she went from a HUGE double room full
of her own furniture to a tiny room. The end result - she didn't even
realize she'd moved - which did kind of blow us away, given that she
seemed relatively with it at the time on many fronts. The only comment
she ever made was the first evening - she thought they'd done some
painting in the dining room. She never seemed to notice that the place
was entirely different, that her room was different, different staff,
different layout, locked ward full of demented patients. I just don't
think anything was registering any more and she would have been equally
at home/lost anywhere. She'd probably lost her ability to recognize
places and most people, so all our worry on her behalf was unnecessary.

Its horrible for the caregiver, and sad, but not so bad for the person
with AD.

Mary G.