your instincts are right on ... no point to trying to change her mind...
better to go along with whatever her reality is at the time .... to do
otherwise just causes her stress she doesn't need... and really little to be
gained...   in my MIL's case, at least,  if you 'just say yes' she'll forget
about it a LOT faster than if you get her all upset by trying to tell her
that what she thinks isn't so. So when she obsesses about my daughter's
~children~ (which she doesn't have LOL) we just tell her they're having a
ball with their grandma ... trying to tell her that the kid doesn't HAVE any
kids when she ~KNOWS~ that she does just leads to never ending discussion,
pacing, frustration, etc.

Personally, we have enough to deal with without adding to it by causing her
unecessary stress - the more stressed and unhappy she is, the less able she
is to cope with even the things she still knows how to do, and the more
likely her inappropriate behaviours are to escalate.

"most comfortable" is definitely a lot more important goal than 'the truth',
in my opinion.

Hi,

Your description is quite familiar. Though the
disease seems to be progressing rapidly...
maybe she was well on the way before diagnosis.

I hope your mother is being supervised 24/7 by
family or professionals. She is at the stage where
she could injure herself or others quite easily.

Anyway...explaining anything to an AD victim
is an exercise in futility. Just go along with her
and try to gently divert her to other subjects.
A common tactic caregivers use is normally
referred to as loving deception. IOW...if you
have to lie to appease her...that's the best route.

Sometimes a simple correction will work, but you'll find more and more
that you'll have to go along with those wild stories, since it will be
impossible for your Mom's damaged brain to accept or remember any
corrections.   As best your mother knows, her stories are real and it
will become harder and harder to change that.

My basic rule was to say whatever made my wife happy - or, at least,
did not make her more upset.  After all, it was for *her* benefit that
I was caring for her - why should I make her unhappy for no good
reason?

Of course, you'll have to watch out for any of her 'wild stories' that
actually make her upset - in those cases you'll have to learn how to
distract her and change the subject.  
Sadly, this'll get easier as her short term memory gets worse...

Around here, that's just another aspect of "loving deception".
We just have to accept and work around the fact that our loved one's
damaged minds can no longer fully join our reality, and help them to
live as happily as possible in theirs.

how to handle the situation  
Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Thu, May 5, 2005, 6:02pm (CDT-2)
From: virginiawriter1@yahoo.com
Hi. I'm new to the group. My mother was diagnosed about a year ago. She
is on medication to slow down the symptoms, but in the last couple
weeks she has really gone downhill. She has just started not recognizing
us
or where she is (for short periods of time) and has started coming up
with
some really wild stories. My question is this: Does anyone know what the
experts say as far as how to handle these situations. Should you just go
along with her and appease her, or should we try to explain the
situation so
she is not as confused. We just want to do what will make her most
comfortable and are not sure how to handle this. I'd be thankful for any
information from someone who has already been through this. Thanks.
Daniel

Ronny:
Hey Daniel. :-)

For awhile now my Mom has been the same way as yours. Right at first I
could correct her and that usually worked and didn't seem to get her
upset at that time. Then later I saw where my correcting her got her
upset,so that's when I went to going along with what she said-how she
saw things. So,say if she thinks she has a baby,then fine,she does. If
she is upset and asks where her baby is then I just tell her that
Sis,her oldest daughter,has took the baby for the evening so that Mom
can rest and get a nap and usually that calms her down. If it doesn't
then I try to distract her by pointing out something else,talking about
it,asking what she thinks about it,etc?

It's good that you just want to do what will make your Mom the most
comfortable and that is the main thing. So if going along with one of
her wrong stories is what makes her the most comfortable,then that is
what you do. Right or wrong,it's her reality and unfortuneatly there is
presently no way to change that wrong reality to what is real. So,we
just have to deal with what is,in the best way we can.