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L R Ward - 16 Apr 2005 23:05 GMT

To agree with imagined people in walls,or windows , imagined children (
that she sees in apartment, fireplace, or walls) or correcting her that
they are not there? What do you do???? We are at our wits end.

Lorene

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Karen - 17 Apr 2005 00:40 GMT

As a wise caretaker told us, you have to get in their world because they
can't get into yours. She told us about friends that would visit one of the
residents and leave her crying every time because she would refer to someone
long dead and they insisted on telling her that the person had died years
ago so that by the time they ended their visit, the poor lady was very
depressed.

Sometimes it can be surreal like playing make believe with a child. But to
their world, those people are very real.

Someone else here posted a link to a very eloquent article on "Loving
Deceptions" that says it all. Maybe they can post it again?

Karen

> To agree with imagined people in walls,or windows , imagined children (
> that she sees in apartment, fireplace, or walls) or correcting her that
> they are not there? What do you do???? We are at our wits end.
>
> Lorene

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Andrew Callahan - 17 Apr 2005 00:41 GMT

Lorene,

This can be very difficult, confusing, and trying. In our family, to the
extent possible, we try not to correct if it seems it would make the
confusion worse, or upset our loved one, etc.

Another standard we apply is to determine whether it really makes any
difference. For example, when a loved one told us people were coming into
her home every night and hiding behind the furniture and various places
(curtains, cabinets, etc.) we were concerned. But, when she then told us
that she had started walking around her home with a large sharp knife,
"showing it" to threaten these "almost invisible people" we became more
concerned, and had to take some action. Correcting her, however, was
futile, because she simply didn't believe us. She believed what she saw
with her own eyes, and she saw "almost invisible people."

There is also the issue that seeing these people can be frightening, so we
want to comfort our loved one. It can be very difficult. When we tried
this approach we were accused of being in league with the "almost invisible
people."

I hope others have more helpful and useful advice and suggestions.

I feel for you. I know you are in a difficult situation.

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Andrew D. Callahan, Owner
Deadlines Typing Service
Anytype Dot Com Typing and Transcription Service
http://www.anytype.com

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Boydette - 17 Apr 2005 18:36 GMT

Lorene
AT the risk of repeating myself in my post to Joy it does NO good to
correct them or try to remind them that for instance someone long dead
came to visit them etc....I did this in the beginning cause I was still
struggling with the fact that they think their delusions are real...it
just upsets them like they are hearing it for the first time....and they
also have a tendency to get angry when you try to correct them...

some examples:

My parents are/were both aloholic...my dad is in a nursing home and he
is always telling me there is a bar downstairs....and lets go "get a
drink"...first of all there is NO downstairs and second when he insisit
I have a drink with him as long as I have a cup or something in my hand
it satisfies him....the staff make sure he always has a cup of water or
sometimes they give him orange juice and tell him its a
screwdriver...whatever works...It makes him happy and the funny part is
he will start talking like he IS under the influence....another thing he
always says when you go visit him..."get you a beer out of my frig out
in the hall"...so I walk out the room then come back...he says Did you
get you a beer?? yeah dad
this is hard for me to do since I have NEVER lied to my parents...HTH B

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Gwen Love - 17 Apr 2005 01:50 GMT

Lorene, NEVER correct an AD patient if at all possible. Agree with anything
they say unless it is a danger to them or someone else. Try to change the
conversation, or do anything that does not make them feel that you are
putting them down or making fun of them. Their brain will not join the real
world; all we can do is join theirs inasmuch as possible. They will forget
what was said but they won't forget the way it made them feel. Been there,
done that!
Gwen

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Evelyn Ruut - 17 Apr 2005 03:03 GMT

Hi Lorene,

Correcting them doesn't work at all. They have already lost the way to
connect with our reality, so you have to meet them in theirs.

I know that there are some things you maybe just can't agree with, but
sidestepping and diverting their attention is sometimes a good tactic.

We went round and round with my mother in law with delusions too, so I
sympathize.

Signature

Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply personally, remove 'sox')

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Lee - 17 Apr 2005 04:10 GMT

we also avoid correction wherever possible... give a vaguely plausible
response where needed ... the kids? they're at their grandma's (maybe they
would be if they existed) .... the imaginary people all went home for the
night (or, if that doesn't work, are having a nap, whatever)

one thing we had to learn to stop saying was "don't worry" ... that was (and
is still) a sure fire way to get her defensive - I DON'T worry, I WASN'T
worried, whatever... creates a negative tone, she feels picked on,
misunderstood .... substituting 'everything's fine; just the way it should
be' does MUCH better

I think the main thing is to go with what works for HER ... if your first
attempt doesn't work, try something else...

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Dennis P. Harris - 17 Apr 2005 11:58 GMT

talk to her doctor about medication for the delusions. what is
she taking now?

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