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Boydette - 16 Apr 2005 07:28 GMT

Today I called Senior Services and asked to speak to a supervisor....I
explained they had a case for my mom last summer and that since then she
has detiorated ...I filled her in on what is going on and she told me
they would reopen the case ....but now heres the clincher...she said all
they could do is try to help the family to get her to the doctor
etc....I asked about taking control or custody and she said they did not
have that power...I also explained that my mom is combative and will
fight her tooth and nail hence is the reason they closed the case in the
first place...she gave me a 800 hotline number but all they can do is
hold her for 90 hours and evaluate her and give a recommendation for
further treatment....I aint calling no hot line number on my mom unless
she is in dire stratis it would scare her and what good would 90 hours
do if they cut her loose...NOW do you guys see I am buttting my head
against a brick wall...anyway the case has been reopened and they will
investigate but in the end it us up to the family to TCB...The end

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Evelyn Ruut - 16 Apr 2005 12:58 GMT

> Today I called Senior Services and asked to speak to a supervisor....I
> explained they had a case for my mom last summer and that since then she
[quoted text clipped - 11 lines]
> against a brick wall...anyway the case has been reopened and they will
> investigate but in the end it us up to the family to TCB...The end

Dear Boydette,

Let's just pray there isn't some disaster that brings your family to the
point where you have to call that hotline. My mother in law lost 30 lbs,
could not go out to the corner store for fear of getting lost, hadn't taken
a bath in maybe at least a year and she smelled HORRIBLE.

Her house was a shambles. She was so confused it was scary, and she
wouldn't consider leaving her home voluntarily either. We were fortunate
that my husband is an only child, and we had no siblings to deal with.
Ultimately the neighbors (who had been feeding her and helping her with
bills etc) called us because they just couldn't care for her anymore, and
they realized that we (and her doctors) were right, and she shouldn't be
alone anymore.

We got her that very day and brought her here.

Signature

Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply personally, remove 'sox')

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Boydette - 17 Apr 2005 18:42 GMT

Thanks Evelyn...actually our cases sound very similiar...the sibling
thing is not working too good for me since my sis is very demanding and
bossy...she took over now she wants rid of it...you dont know how much
you have helped me understand alot of things by reading your stories

I had two brothers and I sure do wish they were alive to help us...the
other night I dreamt they were sitting in the waiting room of the
nursing home and I was chewing them out for not helping...LOL....guess
there is something freudian there

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Songbird - 19 Apr 2005 02:07 GMT

> Today I called Senior Services and asked to speak to a supervisor....I
> explained they had a case for my mom last summer and that since then she
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]
> she is in dire stratis it would scare her and what good would 90 hours
> do if they cut her loose...

Boydette,

Maybe I don't understand, but if she is as bad off as you say, they should
not "cut her loose." If you have a full evaluation in hand, can she not be
committed against her will? She is not going to like it, but she will be
safe. (Choice: "happy" and in danger vs. and as hell and safe -- neither a
good alternative, but I'll vote for the latter and not have her self-injury
on my conscience.) And "scaring" her by calling a hotline may not be a bad
idea -- she may realize she needs help, whether she likes it or not.

They may not be able to take custody in a case where there are living
relatives -- that's the part where your sister needs to either get a spine
and do something, or hand it off to you. Has your sister done any reading,
etc. on dementia? She doesn't seem to realize what she's up against -- is
this from denial (we've all been there) or not understanding because of lack
of knowledge?

Face it -- what you are doing now is not working. So why not try something
different? You say your mom hates you and calls you up and leaves mean
messages (which I hope you are saving the recordings of). If you call the
hotline on her, what is she going to do? Hate you and call you up and leave
mean messages? Sounds like a no-lose situation for you -- why not take a
chance on a win?

Sometimes life sucks, but you have to do the hard stuff anyway.

Songbird

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