UPDATE ON rent issue

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Boydette - 14 Apr 2005 21:12 GMT

Mom is having a fit saying she paid the man (who lives next door and
collects rents) CASH

Me and sis have been ignoring her but Sis called me a few minutes ago
and said she is gonna go talk to him...I hope she asks him in front of
mom....course there is no way to prove it and if he denys it there isnt
anything we can do....but at least he will know if he did do such a
thing we are on to him

If she askes him in front of mom and he denies it she is gonna go off so
if nothing else at least she wont trust him anymore

Why would anyone think this man is not capable of such a thing?...taking
advantage of a sick old woman would be easy and her rantings are not
taken seriously but since shes been upset about it for several days I am
beginning to think it must be true since she forgets everything else

Another reason I believe it because I called him and asked him if mom
had paid her rent and he told me she had just come over and asked him if
he wanted a money or cash and she was on her way to the bank....he said
CASH would be good....THEN I told him to call me if she didnt pay
it....NO PHONE CALL...so I assumed she did pay it until five days later
when the owner called me and sis and said her rent had not been
paid....playing detective I think he did take her cash....she is just
too adament...plus the one thing I know about my mom despite all the
past bad acts she is not a LIAR

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Evelyn Ruut - 14 Apr 2005 22:04 GMT

Boydette, I think it is entirely possible he did do it, but without proof
nobody has a leg to stand on. A very good reason to only pay with a check!

Another thing, people with alzheimers tend to think they did something when
they didn't, and to think they didn't do something when they did.

So just because she says she paid him doesn't necessarily mean she did or
that anybody is knowingly lying. She may just not remember what she did.
Without a check you have no proof anyway, though.

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Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply personally, remove 'sox')

> Mom is having a fit saying she paid the man (who lives next door and
> collects rents) CASH
[quoted text clipped - 22 lines]
> too adament...plus the one thing I know about my mom despite all the
> past bad acts she is not a LIAR

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Tumbleweed - 14 Apr 2005 22:21 GMT

No, she just has a broken brain.

I have an aunt who also isnt a liar. She says that the next door neighbours
sneak into her house, and steal her coffee spoons. They also swap around her
medicine packets out of order, and once they broke in and put mud in the
bath and then snuck out locking the door. What do you reckon, is she a liar,
or did the neighbours really do that stuff? Or does she have a broken
(alzheimers) brain?

I think you just dont get it...your mothers brain is broken. It doesnt work
properly. OK? Stuff like saying she isnt a liar is irrelevant. My dad was
ADAMANT that my mother was in fact his sister, and that my mother was dead.
As someone once said, (roughly) a trip to the asylum will soon convince you
that certainty doesnt make reality. Your talk about liars, and being
adamant etc, means that unfortunately you havent understood the truth about
what is happening to your mother. HER BRAIN DOESNT WORK PROPERLY.

Maybe the guy did steal the cash, maybe he didnt, but you are going to
continue having these issues until you simply take issues like this away
from your mother. I think you thrive on the drama, otherwise you'd just
duck out of it like you have told us a million times you are going to.

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Tumbleweed

email replies not necessary but to contact use;
tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com

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Boydette - 15 Apr 2005 01:12 GMT

Again with this crap...NO I DONT thrive on the drama...will yall please
quit saying that....geez I dont come in here and say things to anyone
that has continuing problems with thier LO .... NO I DONT LIKE THE DRAMA
but it continues whether I acknowlege it or not

I AM STAYING OUT OF IT as best I can but geez Louise ....we are talking
about the woman who gave me life...and I am sorry but I do have some
compassion in my soul....I have cut myself off from it as much as I
can...I DONT take her to see my dad I DONT GO visit her I refuse to
supply her with alcohol....I DONT answer the phone when she calls...If
she leaves me a nice message I will wait and call when I feel like
it....if she calls me screaming or accusing I IGNORE her....GD it I just
cant cut her completely off til she dies...

And yes I know her brain is broken but she still has lucid moments and
we talk about things in the past that she remembers quite well.....you
must understand I am learning as I am going and this still fairly new
for me to deal with and I have BOTH of them in the same boat at the same
time....I dont even go see my dad anymore cause I am tired of the DRAMA
when I try to leave
.

I cannot believe anyone who is going thru this can be so cut and dried
about such issues....believe me I have my own problems with anxiety and
my bipolar I stay out of it as much as I can for my own well being but
saying NEVER speak to her etc is just plain cruel and not something I
would tell a total stranger when I dont know ALL the circumstances....B
esides do you thinkits fair for my sister to carry the whoole burden???
That would be very selfish of me

BTW sis decided to just let it go....there isnt anyway we can prove it
anyway....and as for getting her check well that is my sisters job....I
have NOTHING to do with it....so get off it!!!

Re: UPDATE ON rent issue

thisaccountneverread@yahoo.com (Tumbleweed)
No, she just has a broken brain.
I have an aunt who also isnt a liar. She says that the next door
neighbours sneak into her house, and steal her coffee spoons. They also
swap around her medicine packets out of order, and once they broke in
and put mud in the bath and then snuck out locking the door. What do you
reckon, is she a liar, or did the neighbours really do that stuff? Or
does she have a broken (alzheimers) brain?
I think you just dont get it...your mothers brain is broken. It doesnt
work properly. OK? Stuff like saying she isnt a liar is irrelevant. My
dad was ADAMANT that my mother was in fact his sister, and that my
mother was dead. As someone once said, (roughly) a trip to the asylum
will soon convince you that certainty doesnt make reality. Your talk
about liars, and being adamant etc, means that unfortunately you havent
understood the truth about what is happening to your mother. HER BRAIN
DOESNT WORK PROPERLY.
Maybe the guy did steal the cash, maybe he didnt, but you are going to
continue having these issues until you simply take issues like this away
from your mother. I think you thrive on the drama, otherwise you'd just
duck out of it like you have told us a million times you are going to.

Signature

Tumbleweed
email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at
hotmail dot com

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Dennis P. Harris - 15 Apr 2005 05:19 GMT

> I cannot believe anyone who is going thru this can be so cut and dried
> about such issues....believe me I have my own problems with anxiety and
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> esides do you thinkits fair for my sister to carry the whoole burden???
> That would be very selfish of me

you don't understand what we all are trying to tell you!

you don't need to step out permanently, just long enough so that
she has a real crisis that will finally trigger adult protective
services to step and have her declared incompetent.

this phase is the worst for everyone, including the person with
the dementia who is trying to prove that they can still be
independent.

and several people have stated the obvious: you are just
repeating the same behaviors with your mother over and over,
behaviors which produce negative results, about which you
constantly complain. yet you do nothing to change YOUR behavior,
so it's not surprising that the rest of your family doesn't
change either.

you need to get away for a while if you can, or stay away if you
can't. just stop letting the other folks in this drama feed you
the same lines which trigger the same responses from you.

one way you can break this destructive behavior cycle is to start
attending al-anon meetings for the families of alcoholics, where
you can find out about other ways to interact with your parents
and get tips from folks who have walked this path before. you
can reach al-anon by calling your local number for alcoholics
anonymous.

no one sees these issues as black and white, but after several
months of your constant repetition of events, some folks
obviously feel that you don't want to make things better but
simply want to complain. if you want things to change, you have
to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

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Boydette - 15 Apr 2005 18:34 GMT

Andrew well said

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Boydette - 15 Apr 2005 18:35 GMT

Evelyn...you hit it on the head...actually its more of a love hate
relationship....I have come a long way compared to the way I used to
react to them...thanks

Reply to this Message

Boydette - 15 Apr 2005 18:46 GMT

Ok I am all messed up here I am responding to the wrong thread...sorry

Dennis you are right and I appreciate what you are saying...I am sorry
if I repeat things and my emotions are not in contril when I get
stressed....hence the ranitings when I am manic...my meds are working
really good but sometimes when things go over the top and I have no
control then I dont make wise choices....I am sorry also if I sounded
like I didnt appreciate the help or advice....I guess its just hard to
break a 50plus yr habit....I am progressing thanks to all of you...so
forgive my impatience,,,,I will try not to "hog the floor"

Actually if yall knew me in real life you would know I am very
overdramatic in my personality I guess that comes off as psycho LOL

Re: UPDATE ON rent issue

Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Thu, Apr 14, 2005, 8:19pm (CDT-3)
From: NO_SPAM_TO_dpharris@gci.net (Dennis P. Harris)
On Thu, 14 Apr 2005 19:12:07 -0500 in alt.support.alzheimers,
bdetrs@webtv.net (Boydette) wrote:
I cannot believe anyone who is going thru this can be so cut and dried
about such issues....believe me I have my own problems with anxiety and
my bipolar I stay out of it as much as I can for my own well being but
saying NEVER speak to her etc is just plain cruel and not something I
would tell a total stranger when I dont know ALL the circumstances....B
esides do you thinkits fair for my sister to carry the whoole burden???
That would be very selfish of me
you don't understand what we all are trying to tell you!
you don't need to step out permanently, just long enough so that she has
a real crisis that will finally trigger adult protective services to
step and have her declared incompetent.
this phase is the worst for everyone, including the person with the
dementia who is trying to prove that they can still be independent.
and several people have stated the obvious: you are just repeating the
same behaviors with your mother over and over, behaviors which produce
negative results, about which you constantly complain. yet you do
nothing to change YOUR behavior, so it's not surprising that the rest of
your family doesn't change either.
you need to get away for a while if you can, or stay away if you can't.
just stop letting the other folks in this drama feed you the same lines
which trigger the same responses from you.
one way you can break this destructive behavior cycle is to start
attending al-anon meetings for the families of alcoholics, where you can
find out about other ways to interact with your parents and get tips
from folks who have walked this path before. you can reach al-anon by
calling your local number for alcoholics anonymous.
no one sees these issues as black and white, but after several months of
your constant repetition of events, some folks obviously feel that you
don't want to make things better but simply want to complain. if you
want things to change, you have to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

Reply to this Message

turkey in the straw - 15 Apr 2005 05:29 GMT

Tumbleweed.
Why do you ALWAYS have to be so harsh.Leave Boydette alone if your
so sure she's hooked on the drama.I thought this news group was to learn
and to vent???? Quit accusing people as if you Know them cause you
DON"T.Barb

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Dennis P. Harris - 15 Apr 2005 07:26 GMT

> Why do you ALWAYS have to be so harsh.Leave Boydette alone if your
> so sure she's hooked on the drama.I thought this news group was to learn
> and to vent???? Quit accusing people as if you Know them cause you
> DON"T.Barb

there's a difference between venting and repeating descriptions
of the same things that don't work over and over. folks have
offered her information and advice on how to change things, all
of which she ignores. it's no wonder folks are getting tired of
hearing the same litany.

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Boydette - 15 Apr 2005 18:53 GMT

Thanks Barb....Tumbleweed has been on my case since day one

and no Dennis you are wrong I do NOT ignore the advice....sometimes it
is said in such a harsh way like I am some kind of waa waa baby....there
are alot of posts I read and dont respond to cause I dont have anything
to say or because they are repeating the same issues but I dont go off
on them and say "well if you dont like what we are saying then we arent
gonna listen anymore"

I am sooooo sorry to be repeating but isnt that the nature of the
disease???....the constant repetitions?....holy crap I cant even believe
you said that...BTW you all keep repeating the same lame a.s suggestions
that DONT work in my case...well I thought this was a place to vent
about what I AM going thru...guess I was wrong...I will stay in my
anxiety webtv group where I belong and people are supportive no matter
how many times you complain about the same situations....what is it with
these Usenet groups??? I swear I cant believe how different they are
from web tv groups...course they are moderated... and why is it okay for
someone to be rude and harsh to me and yet I cant respond in
kind....thanks for your help anyways...I am going to call APS today....I
have had enough!!!

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Tumbleweed - 15 Apr 2005 08:16 GMT

> Tumbleweed.
> Why do you ALWAYS have to be so harsh.Leave Boydette alone if your
> so sure she's hooked on the drama.I thought this news group was to learn
> and to vent???? Quit accusing people as if you Know them cause you
> DON"T.Barb

'always'? hmmm, not so sure about that.

Learn and vent? Well, you arent going to learn if you only get responses
that support what you are doing irrespective of what it is. If you dont
like the fact that some responses dont agree with your POV, dont post, or
killfile me. That applies to her and you.

And ignoring the drama aspect, she really doesnt understand yet what is
happening, when she talks about her mother not being a liar etc. Maybe I
pointed that out harshly, but its been said many times to her here and she
still doesnt get it. he mothers brain is damaged and behaving as if it isnt,
is ignoring reality.

Just read her messages ..she is stuck in a loop, and she isnt going to break
free until she changes something, even if that means just walking away
entirely.

'supporting' her by agreeing with what she is doing isnt actually going to
help her.

Signature

Tumbleweed

email replies not necessary but to contact use;
tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com

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Boydette - 15 Apr 2005 19:00 GMT

YES always....You were rude to me from my first post...and BTW the below
opinion is wrong...I do understand what is happening but you dont
understand!!! SHE isnt that far gone yet....there are days she is very
lucid and talks about family events etc....so its still hard for me to
distinguish reality from delusions when she is talking to me....nine
times out of ten she is NOT in reality so YES I do understand but there
is still that small percentage left where I question as to whether its
true or not...this is all new to me since like I said my mom has never
lied to me...so

EXCCCUuusssse me for talking about what the rest of you have already
gone thru...MY suggestion to you is if you dont have anything nice to
say then shut up
MY MOM taught me that :) and if you are coming to this group and it is
stressing you then dont come here or post either....back at ya....oh and
Webtv doestn have killfile!!!! But consider yourself PLONKED...LOL

Re: UPDATE ON rent issue

Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Fri, Apr 15, 2005, 8:16am (CDT+6)
From: thisaccountneverread@yahoo.com (Tumbleweed)
"turkey in the straw" <barbfrombethel@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:744-425F4315-120@storefull-3254.bay.webtv.net...
Tumbleweed.
Why do you ALWAYS have to be so harsh.Leave Boydette
alone if your so sure she's hooked on the drama.I thought this news
group was to learn and to vent???? Quit accusing people as if you Know
them cause you DON"T.Barb
'always'? hmmm, not so sure about that.
Learn and vent? Well, you arent going to learn if you only get responses
that support what you are doing irrespective of what it is. If you dont
like the fact that some responses dont agree with your POV, dont post,
or killfile me. That applies to her and you.
And ignoring the drama aspect, she really doesnt understand yet what is
happening, when she talks about her mother not being a liar etc. Maybe I
pointed that out harshly, but its been said many times to her here and
she still doesnt get it. he mothers brain is damaged and behaving as if
it isnt, is ignoring reality.
Just read her messages ..she is stuck in a loop, and she isnt going to
break free until she changes something, even if that means just walking
away entirely.
'supporting' her by agreeing with what she is doing isnt actually
going to help her.

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Tumbleweed
email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at
hotmail dot com

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