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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / April 2005GRRRrrrrrrrrrr
OK last week I called my sister and told her she needed to get over to moms on the first cause SS checks come on the Fri before if the third is on a weekend...she was sick in bed with the flu...I didnt know but a few days later my mom was going HAHAHAH I got my check...and she (my sis) aint getting it...She was telling me to stay out of her business...I called my sis and left this message...The B wont answer the freaking phone...anyway three days later the manager of the apts where my mom lives called me...he said mom asked him if he wanted a money order or cash since she cant write a check....I told him if she doesnt pay her rent let me know...never heard from him so I assumed she did...yesterday the OWNER of the building called me I saw it on the caller ID but didnt answer it and he didnt leave a message so I blew it off then I got to thinking maybe he called my sis....she says Yeah but she didnt answer either then she tells me to call Bill (the manager) and see if mom paid her rent...I am like why cant you do it? She says I am on my way out the door...for some reason the people in my life think because I dont work I should take care of stuff...so I called the dude and he says No mom didnt pay her rent...call my sis back bro in law answers and tells me he will take care of it....then I thought F it I am gonna call the owner and set his a.s straight....I have NO control over my mom her money or any thing....I start explaining about my mom telling us to stay out of her business and he has the nerve to tell me he dont want to get in the middle of it....I am like then WHY are you calling ME???? he goes well your mom is old and its your responsiblity...I said BS.....I have no control over her at all...then I tried again to explain and he goes...I told you I dont want to hear about your family problems...so I go OK then DONT call me then....unless shes in an emergency situration DO NOT CALL ME....what a dumb a.s he calls me but he dont want to hear it....LOL....whatever > OK last week I called my sister and told her she needed to get over to > moms on the first cause SS checks come on the Fri before if the third is [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > CALL ME....what a dumb a.s he calls me but he dont want to hear > it....LOL....whatever You're right... he shouldn't be calling you for his rent if he doesn't want to get into the middle of it. I think you explained your situation well, since you really CAN'T control them, and in fact it seems as though they deliberately try to thwart any efforts to look after them.  SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply personally, remove 'sox') I do feel bad for your situation..Between a rock & a hard place. Someone, perhaps the social worker at the NH can advise you & Sis---or I fear you will wind up with Mom as an uninvited long term guest.. I assume you know SS checks can be direct deposit & even direct pay to utilities etc. Is there one competent person trusted by your Mom who will gently help walk & talk her through step by step?--- leaving the family totally out of the mix. Good Luck lorence...yeah we tried to do the direct deposit thing...dad cooperated but mom refuses....unfortunatley as long as they are considered competent and it takes a lawyer and a judge to say oherwise there is nothing we can do...the funny partis after I cussed the landlord he called my sister and "TOLD" on me...LOL..I guess he wont call me again since he probably thinks I am crazier than my parents...LOL..and hes probably right Yes my dads check and mine is direct deposti but in order to do that with my mom she would have to agree and she refuses...sigh > Yes my dads check and mine is direct deposti but in order to do that > with my mom she would have to agree and she refuses...sigh She doesn't have to agree, Boydette. My husband just took his POA to the Soc. Sec. office and made the changes to the new bank account here in our area. It took a while to kick in though, and we had to wait for it to stop going to the old bank account before we could close that account. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply personally, remove 'sox') > > Yes my dads check and mine is direct deposti but in order to do that > > with my mom she would have to agree and she refuses...sigh [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > area. It took a while to kick in though, and we had to wait for it to stop > going to the old bank account before we could close that account. that's not quite correct; not all powers of attorney are the same. it could be that the power of attorney her sister has says that it's only valid when a court declares her mom incompetent. boydette might want to actually read the document to see if that's what it does say or if her sister just doesn't want to do her duty. >> > Yes my dads check and mine is direct deposti but in order to do that >> > with my mom she would have to agree and she refuses...sigh [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > that's what it does say or if her sister just doesn't want to do > her duty. Yes, you are right, Dennis. Different POA's may have different applications depending on what they signed for. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply personally, remove 'sox') I have read it and all she has the power to do is write checks for moms bills....the direct deposit can only be changed at the SS office and I am thinking it may be possible but sis just hasnt done it yet....so far all she tried to do is by phone and they wouldnt agree unless mom came tot he phone and agreed....she also has to give information that she is incapable of giving SS #s and bank account # There are two kinds of POA here where we live...sis has durable POA on my dad due to his mental disability which means she can write checks on his account and pay the nursing home monthly as well as any other expenses ...The durable POA is also for medical decisions....we did not have to force the issue with dad cause he had signed it years ago Mom on the other hand REFUSED and the only thing she consented to was the Living Will......the living will cannot be enforced unless she is unconscious etc.....since she has NOT been deemed incompetent she is still legally in charge of her own affairs...the POA on mom is limited because she is still living on her own and considered competent until proven otherwise...at least thats the way I understand it...I could be wrong tho Boydette, Couldn't someone become payee?I am for my mom and she never had to be asked anything. Uh yes I guess so...I know when I got my SSD the judge ordered my hubby to be my payee representative hence my check goes into his account directly...might have to be ordered by a judge though...my sis is JUST NOT doing what she needs to do ....she is suffering from depression herself so she has been letting alot of things go barbfrombethel@webtv.net (turkey in the straw) Boydette, Couldn't someone become payee?I am for my mom and she never had to be asked anything. Boydette, that is one of the worst problems with this stage (when you know something is wrong and have no control to improve the situation). It just saps your strength and energy and you find yourself letting your personal care slide (proper eating and sleeping) and then when you need that personal strength -- the well is dried up! Some people find a great deal of help in local support groups for caregivers and families affected. That has a side benefit of identifying local organizations that might help too. I do know that if you and your sister can support each other it will make a major difference in the long run. When I suggested doing something for your sis to free her up for your Mom, I was speaking from experience. When we were having to go out of town every other weekend to deal with my MIL (she lived an 8 hour drive from us), my Mom would ask us to gather the laundry before we went. I can't tell you how big of a boost it was too see the clean clothes when we got back and know that was one thing less to worry about. My Mom said it was a small thing but it was a big thing to me. Sometimes you just run out of the energy required to explore better options. That's where local groups help. They know what works in your town, not what works in a city across the globe from you. Karen Uh yes I guess so...I know when I got my SSD the judge ordered my hubby to be my payee representative hence my check goes into his account directly...might have to be ordered by a judge though...my sis is JUST NOT doing what she needs to do ....she is suffering from depression herself so she has been letting alot of things go barbfrombethel@webtv.net (turkey in the straw) Boydette, Couldn't someone become payee?I am for my mom and she never had to be asked anything. > I have NO control over my mom her money or > any thing.... THEN STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. it is NOT your problem. boydette, you were doing such a good job of letting go, but this is a step backward. sooner or later adult protective services will take charge. it is not YOUR problem. Dennis you are right...one step backward two steps forward...I feel good that I let that idiot know not to call me...today I asked mom if she wanted to come over and enjoy the beautiful weather and have dinner with us...I made three trips into town then the last trip I noticed she was drinking whiskey...how she got it I dont know but I was like "I AM SO OUT OF HERE/...I tried to be a good daughter and give her a nice day but she as always ruined it...I have NO guilt or regrests > Dennis you are right...one step backward two steps forward...I feel good > that I let that idiot know not to call me...today I asked mom if she [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > OUT OF HERE/...I tried to be a good daughter and give her a nice day but > she as always ruined it...I have NO guilt or regrests Good for you, Boydette! If she keeps on drinking, the eventual takeover by adult protective services will be just that much closer for her. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply personally, remove 'sox') Thanks Dennis...every once in awhile I need slapped like Cher did Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck...GET a GRIP!!1 LOL I don't understand why you don't have her cheques direct deposited, and have the rent payments made automatically. Mary G. >I don't understand why you don't have her cheques direct deposited, and > have the rent payments made automatically. > > Mary G. Because she doesnt have POA? (just a guess) SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com >>I don't understand why you don't have her cheques direct deposited, and >> have the rent payments made automatically. >> >> Mary G. >> > Because she doesnt have POA? (just a guess) If I am not mistaken she said the sister has POA and is reluctant to do anything. I could be wrong though. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply personally, remove 'sox') Tumbleweed no I dont have POA my sis does and so I am out of it > Tumbleweed no I dont have POA my sis does and so I am out of it Boydette, for *your* sanity sounds like you should stay even further out of it :-) Good luck. SignatureTumbleweed email replies not necessary but to contact use; tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com Boydette, if only your sis holds the POA, she shouldn't have asked you to conduct a business issue that she is authorized to handle. In this day and age of privacy rules, the landlord shouldn't be dealing with you unless you hold legal authority to transact business on your Mom's behalf. Or at least that's my $0.02 worth. Karen > Tumbleweed no I dont have POA my sis does and so I am out of it Karen you are so right and I told him so...problem is my sis is a drunk herself and dont answer the phone half the time....even so she dont take care of business if she "aint in the mood"....hence the nightmare......whatever...she asked me if I wanted to do it....yeah right...NOT...I am just waiting its just a matter of time til MOM is gonna go over the edge...cruel as this sounds I got half a mine to ignore her for awhile totally and let the chips fall where they may. I am repeating myself I posted before I read all the responses > Sorry > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > read all the responses > --- Ronny: Don't feel bad. I sometimes forget and do that too. :-) Then a number of years ago I started talking out loud to myself at times. Sometimes asking myself questions. :-) That didn't really bother me;but then in the last year or so I sometimes find myself not only talking out loud and asking myself questions;but I also catch myself answering myself! :-) That sort of bothered me at first; :-( but then I thought,on well,at least you're getting your answers from a real smart guy! :-) LoL >> Sorry >> [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > :-) That sort of bothered me at first; :-( but then I thought,on well,at > least you're getting your answers from a real smart guy! :-) LoL Years ago when I was first working in various office jobs, I had an assistant who was older than I was. She was a really good worker and she used to talk to herself all day long.... "hmmm I will do this first, and that belongs over there... and etc." anyway, you get the idea. I used to think she was nuts, but later on when I had very demanding jobs in noisy environments, I found that it helped me to focus my thoughts and intentions. I still talk to myself all the time and I answer myself too. At least I can't complain about the company! SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply personally, remove 'sox') > Re: Sorry > [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > least I can't complain about the > company! Ronny: The funny part to me or at least it would seem so to some people,is that most of the time I like my own company! LoL And as you say,in a noisy or any stressful enviroment it does help to talk to yourself. Right now my main problem is being disorganized and I need to do some basic, simple things to remedy at least a part of that. I am too much to simply drift along thinking and knowing that most things will work out OK;but then sometimes they don't. Sometimes unexpected things come up and if a person isn't organized some, then those times can really throw you for a loop,for a certain amount of time. Lots of stress in that and what bugs me is there is no need for all that stress if I were just more organized about somethings. The lady from home health care will be here in 2 or 3 hours to stay with Mom for 4 hours today. I've got to go to town to get a few things done. Got to make a list of all of those things too,so I won't be forgetting some of the main things I need to do! :-) Now that's a prime example of something I should of done earlier yesterday or last night at the least. :-) But last night I was online in another group. Which wasn't bad. It's just that I spent more time there than I should have! LoL Why? Partly to avoid somethings. Interesting,if I think something might not be going so good in my life this month,then I tend to put off taking a look at that part and seeing just exactly how things are. And yet 90% or better of the time things aren't nearly so bad as I think they might be. Yet my habit is to put off some things,let things get stressful and then let things get more stressful because I continue to put off studying on problems and or simply keeping up with somethings on a regular basis. Well,I know what to do to solve that problem. :-) Now I just need to do it and start to keep such done on a regular daily/weekly basis! LoL Sorry for my drawn out post here; :-) but talking about such,to other people,helps me. And I can't really talk about such with my brothers or sisters. Plus,some of them are so organized it's pathetic! LoL No, really it's good that they are; :-) but then they such people tend not to understand why everyone else isn't! LoL Mary and Evelyn you are right...sis has POA but she aint handling it right...she is the type of person when she dont want to deal she dont...and then asked me if I wanted it and I said NO WAY....and the other idea of her (mom) coming to live with me NOT....I cant even stand to talk to her on the phone...Sunday I went there twice to try to get her out of the house and she wouldnt budge...then 2 hours later she is calling me and saying shes lonely and nobody comes to see her......CALGON TAKE ME AWAY.....LOL Boydette, why don't you just stop going to her house! Gwen > Mary and Evelyn you are right...sis has POA but she aint handling it > right...she is the type of person when she dont want to deal she [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > calling me and saying shes lonely and nobody comes to see > her......CALGON TAKE ME AWAY.....LOL Gwen this is the first time I have been there in about 6 months...sis got on my butt cause she says she is doing everything and so I felt I was doing it more for her but when I was there I only stayed like ten minutes....I didnt even waste time or breath trying to cajole her Re: GRRRrrrrrrrrrr Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Thu, Apr 14, 2005, 12:11am From: cglghl@knology.net (Gwen Love) Boydette, why don't you just stop going to her house! Gwen "Boydette" <bdetrs@webtv.net> wrote in message news:290-425CAA97-127@storefull-3218.bay.webtv.net... Mary and Evelyn you are right...sis has POA but she aint handling it right...she is the type of person when she dont want to deal she dont...and then asked me if I wanted it and I said NO WAY....and the other idea of her (mom) coming to live with me NOT....I cant even stand to talk to her on the phone...Sunday I went there twice to try to get her out of the house and she wouldnt budge...then 2 hours later she is calling me and saying shes lonely and nobody comes to see her......CALGON TAKE ME AWAY.....LOL mary we can not have the checks depostied unless she agrees via mail or phone and she refuses...catch 22 situaion Boydette: (snip)so I go OK then DONT call me then....unless shes in an emergency situration DO NOT CALL ME....what a dumb a.s he calls me but he dont want to hear it....LOL....whatever Ronny: I'm glad you told him that! :-) I was just sitting here thinking that if he had done me that way I would of been very tempted to tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine! :-) LoL Ronny the funny part is he called my siser and acted like he was "telling " on me...LMAO ask me if I care if the low life made me feel bad and yes I cussed my head off...how funny...the worst part is he goes "YOU KIDS'; and hes MY age I am like you are you calling KIDS I am a 53 yr old grandmother....LOL.what a crackup > Re: GRRRrrrrrrrrrr > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > crackup > --- Ronny: I thought of a way you could do that would probably mean the guy would never call you again. :-) That is if he did,you casually tell him that your friend Ronny lent you his shotgun and showed you how to use it in case you ever needed to use it on people that were really bothering you! What do you bet he would really never call you again then! :-) LoL P.S. And yes,there has been a time or so in my life that I simple said somethings to some people,never threatening them at all;but just saying certain things in certain way and letting their imagination take it from there. :-) LoL Hey Ronny heres a perfect example of killing with kindnes....my hubby is 13 yrs younger than me hence still "cute" he rides a motorcycle and when he is dressed in his leathers he is about sexy...this little girl that works at the gas station is always asking him for a ride...so they other day I go in there and I lean over and read her name tag.....then I go..."so has Tim taken you for a ride yet???" her mouth fell open and she started shaking...she says NO then I go well what time do you get off work....she say ten...I go well I will tell him to come and give you a ride but you know what the wind is blowing awful hard so make sure you hang on tight!".........LOL...hardly doubtful she will ask him again...God I love it when I kill with a smile....heheh B > Re: GRRRrrrrrrrrrr > [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > dressed in his leathers he is about > sexy... Ronny: Oh,now you're making me jealous! :-) > Boydette: > this little girl that works at [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > when I kill with a smile....heheh B > --- Ronny: That's a good one! LoL > Ronny the funny part is he called my siser and acted like he was > "telling " on me...LMAO ask me if I care if the low life made me feel > bad and yes I cussed my head off...how funny...the worst part is he goes > "YOU KIDS'; and hes MY age I am like you are you calling KIDS I am a 53 > yr old grandmother....LOL.what a crackup Boydette, my father is the same way. He refers to us as "YOU KIDS" all the time, and I am the oldest (63) and my brother and sister are both in their late 50's. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply personally, remove 'sox') Evelyn!!!!!! you are 63.????...wow you come across much youger...LOL...no offfense..... most people think I am a teenager by the way I talk or they always think I am a guy cause of my name...I am like doesnt the "ette" part tip you off????...you know what I hate MY NAME...my dad is Boyd and everybody thinks its so CUTE...this man is NOT who I would like to be named after...LOL > Evelyn!!!!!! you are 63.????...wow you come across much > youger...LOL...no offfense..... most people think I am a teenager by the > way I talk or they always think I am a guy cause of my name...I am like > doesnt the "ette" part tip you off????...you know what I hate MY > NAME...my dad is Boyd and everybody thinks its so CUTE...this man is NOT > who I would like to be named after...LOL Boydette don't think about it. A name is just a utilitarian thing, and you know who YOU really are. You may be his daughter in fact, but you are yourself and completely unique as such. SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply personally, remove 'sox') >I'm glad you told him that! :-) I was just sitting here thinking that if >he had done me that way I would of been very tempted to tell him to >stick it where the sun don't shine! :-) LoL I've come across what seems to be a USA expression "where the sun don't shine" but don't understand it. Does it relate to Alaska or something like that? - Mind control is being able to make all the voices in your head take turns. Mod as a hooter! >>I'm glad you told him that! :-) I was just sitting here thinking that if >>he had done me that way I would of been very tempted to tell him to [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > >Mod as a hooter! LOL! That means to stick it up your butt - where the sun don't shine! :-) -steve >That means to stick it up your butt - where the sun don't shine! :-) Has anybody come across the use of "duff" instead of "butt"? Does anybody know what 'duff' means (I think it might be the same or similar). I don't recall where I've come across it. - Mind control is being able to make all the voices in your head take turns. Mod as a hooter! Duff= butt Get up off your duff----kinder or slightly more joking way of saying it > Re: GRRRrrrrrrrrrr > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > very tempted to tell him to stick it > where the sun don't shine! :-) LoL > Anthony: > I've come across what seems to be a USA > expression "where the sun don't shine" > but don't understand it. Does it relate > to Alaska or something like that? > - Ronny: Nope,it doesn't mean that! LoL But it means exactly what Steve,in this thread, posted it meant. :-) And thank you Steve for telling Anthony what that old expression meant. :-) I was sitting here trying to figure out the best and nicest way to put what it did mean :-) and you just got right to the point on it in your post and got it said quickly and clearly! :-) So thank you for that! LoL >And thank you Steve for telling Anthony what that old expression meant. >:-) I was sitting here trying to figure out the best and nicest way to >put what it did mean :-) and you just got right to the point on it in >your post and got it said quickly and clearly! :-) So thank you for >that! LoL Ok, I must admit to being somewhat naughty here given that I knew exactly what it meant but was interested in what answer I might get and how others might react.... My apologies as necessary.... - Mind control is being able to make all the voices in your head take turns. Mod as a hooter! then please explain "mod as a hooter" here in the USA Hooter's is a restauant whose claim to fame is having waitresses with big breasts. > Re: GRRRrrrrrrrrrr > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > with big breasts. > --- Ronny: Hmmm and here I thought the restaurant with big breasts would be Kentucky Fried Chicken! :-) LoL P.S. Ronny,feeling himself ever so slowly slipping in to trouble here with whoever says we have to stay on topic or else!:-)LoL >then please explain "mod as a hooter" here in the USA Hooter's is a >restauant whose claim to fame is having waitresses with big breasts. Florence, it's just a substitution of "mad as a hatter" to "mod as a hooter" -- the "a"s in 'mad' and 'hatter' are changed to 'o's. Now everybody knows, sigh :-) - Mind control is being able to make all the voices in your head take turns. Mod as a hooter! Anthony Thanks for answering what seems like a dumb question? Every time I read it --I'd think---Wonder if it has some special or hip meaning in Au... Florence > Re: GRRRrrrrrrrrrr > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > said quickly and clearly! :-) So thank > you for that! LoL > Anthony: > Ok, I must admit to being somewhat [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Mod as a hooter! > --- Ronny: No apologies necessary for me Anthony, as I think what you did here was blamed funny! :-) LoL >And thank you Steve for telling Anthony what that old expression meant. >:-) I was sitting here trying to figure out the best and nicest way to >put what it did mean :-) and you just got right to the point on it in >your post and got it said quickly and clearly! :-) So thank you for >that! LoL You're welcome. :-) Yes, right to the point is the way I figured I should "translate" the expression. I mulled over the appropriate word to use for the body part and decided on what I hoped would be least offensive without sounding medical. Take care, -steve > Re: GRRRrrrrrrrrrr > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > said quickly and clearly! :-) So thank > you for that! LoL > Steve: > You're welcome. :-) Yes, right to the [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > -steve > --- Ronny: Well,most people I know use the A word for that body part,when they use that expression;but note you chose to use the B word and that's fine too! :-) For some reason the B word does sound less offensive than the A word. :-) But not sure why? LoL And just thinking,now that Anthony has fooled you and me on this one, :-) I may have to think up some Texas sayings and see if he can tell me what they mean?LoL Anthony...the sun dont shine up the anus....LOL >Anthony...the sun dont shine up the anus....LOL My mistake, I think it should be 'out of' rather than 'up'. My, my, my, how naughty we've become :-) - Mind control is being able to make all the voices in your head take turns. Mod as a hooter! Ronny....LOL....yeah and after I cussed him he called my sister and "tattled on me...then she calls me all why did you do that??? Like I am three years old...I told her OH STFU you wouldnt talk to him...odds are he isnt gonna call me again...People dont relate to crazy well>....LOL...oh and about the shotgun thing dont even tempt me....my bipolar kicks in and who knows what I would do ...click click PULL ..LOL > Re: GRRRrrrrrrrrrr > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > him...odds are he isnt gonna call me > again... Ronny: Good,hope he doesn't! :-) > Boydette > People dont relate to crazy > well>....LOL... Ronny: I think I do fairly well :-) and I'm just not sure if that says something about me or not?! LoL Probably says something about me & my whole family! LoL > Boydette: > oh and about the shotgun > thing dont even tempt me....my bipolar > kicks in and who knows what I would do > ...click click PULL ..LOL > --- Ronny: Hmmm,OK. Rule #1 to remember then. Don't loan Boydette your shotgun! LoL |
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