My father (80), who has multiple disabilities as a result of previous brain
surgery, is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's. On a good day, his
reality and ours overlap by about 5%.  He's started forgetting who my mother
is although that's only an occasional happening at present.

My father is heavily dependant on my mother for nearly everything.  Whilst
he could feed himself and drink, he needed constant attention and
intermittent help without which he would starve and dehydrate.  His walking
was very poor but that didn't stop him trying to rise many times at night to
"go to work".  He could use a toilet unaided most of the time but not
always.

My mother (and the rest of the family) have always been keen that he should
be cared for at home if at all possible, with as much outside help as
required (money fortunately isn't a problem).

My mother was coping (just) until last week when he fell and broke his hip.
He's had it pinned and is currently languishing on an acute orthopaedic ward
when the standard of nursing care for someone with his dependencies is
lamentable.  There seems to be no appreciation of his pre-existing problems.
Drinks are left to go cold and undrunk as no-one is free to help him drink.
Every day when my mother visits him he's dehydrated and thirsty.  In
addition his confusion and restlessness have worsened and yet they put him
in a bed where he can't be seen from the nurses station.  My mother found
him stark naked the other day on the ward, no one having checked on him for
some time. (His restlessness causes to pull at his clothes).  His oral
hygiene is terrible and it doesn't look like he's received any oral care at
all.  My mother feels guilty for not preventing the accident (which was
always going to happen sooner or later as he falls frequently) and as an
ex-nurse, is finding this terribly terribly stressful.

Local rules about lifting patients (basically, nurses aren't allowed to lift
a patient manually in any way, not even if they've slumped down the bed)
means that they seem to almost employing a complete "no touch" technique.
The less touching and involvement the better would seem to be the rule of
the day.

All being well, he'll be coming home on Monday with support from the local
social services.  We know that the time will come (probably sooner rather
than later) that care at home may not be possible but our experiences of
modern nursing have not been good to say the least.  He would, IMO, be
better off dead than going to a hospital to die through neglect.

I know he's a difficult nursing problem but the level of neglect seems
inexcusable.  I sincerely hope this is not the level of care that one gets
in most hospitals in the UK these days.  If he has to go back into hospital,
I can only pray that he develops an overwhelming chest infection quickly.

Sorry for going on so long but it's been a tough week.