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Medical Forum / Diseases and Disorders / Alzheimer's / March 2005THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT
THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." That's the kind of love I want also. Gwen > THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT > [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on > my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." Don't know what made me look in after all this time, but I couldn't resist saying "hello" to two of my fav people, Gwen and Bob. How have you both been? It will be 4 years since my Lee passed away, and I still miss him. Sometimes I think I smell his cigar smoke in the house! I recently put his "equipment" to use, the walker, the raised toilet seats, the shower chair, etc. when I had hip-replacement surgery. I had a wonderful surgeon and I am pretty well healed by now. Bob, your story is beautiful and so touching. I truly believe that my Lee knew who I was -- I mean he knew we belonged together because he would say that -- and until the very end, he still had his smile and his sense of humor. One day, while visiting him in the NH, he put a piece of paper in his mouth. I called to the nurse because I was fearful that he would choke. As she donned a finger cot and swiped her finger through his mouth, I cautioned her that he liked to bite. The paper popped out of his mouth, and the nurse said: "Ouch! He bit me!" I looked over at Lee and he had the sweetest boyish grin on his face. I feigned embarrassment and said: "Lee, you bit the nurse! I am so embarrassed. How can I show my face here? I never know what you're going to do next!" Still grinning from ear to ear, he replied: "I'll think of something!" Interesting how those "wires" can make a temporary connection and you could swear it's the person you always knew!! My best to you both, Gwen and Bob. Love, Judy > THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps > on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." Judy, how nice that you looked in and let us know you are there! Time does go by, but those feelings we still have for those who were part of our lives for so long still pop up. Just recently, I woke up thinking Grayson was on his side of the bed. Your story about Lee and his sense of humor after biting the nurse reminded me of Grayson who, when I said, "You want me to love you, don't you?" answered back, "Not necessarily". That's exactly what he would have said years earlier. I'm glad you're doing well from your THR. I sure am glad I had mine when I did. Don't stay away so long again. It is so nice to hear from other "old timers". Gwen > Don't know what made me look in after all this time, but I couldn't resist > saying "hello" to two of my fav people, Gwen and Bob. How have you both [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > > know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps > > on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." Judy, are you and your granddaughter still close, and spend lots of time together? Gwen > Judy, how nice that you looked in and let us know you are there! Time does > go by, but those feelings we still have for those who were part of our lives [quoted text clipped - 64 lines] > > > know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps > > > on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." Dear Gwen, I remember well that funny story about Grayson. I guess the disease hits different people differently. The reason I stayed away for so long is that it was -- and sometimes still is -- too painful to remember. Although I was fortunate to have my son to share with, and we both have a ridiculous sense of humor, and we most times tried to see the humorous side of what was happening to my husband (his Dad), there was also a very painful side of standing helplessly by. I would, however, return if I could help just one person, yet, I see some very capable people here who are most helpful. As for my granddaughter, she is right here with me, along with my son and DIL. Before my hip surgery, I was in a great deal of pain and could barely get around. They have up their apartment and moved in here with me. That was about 2 years ago. So I have her here to enjoy. She is very bright and NEVER at a loss for words, and she is now 12, and has already entered the "terrible teens". Don't get me wrong, tho, I love her unconditionally. She was 7 when we were called by Lee's dr (Lee was in a nearby NH) and told that he was in heart failure. My son and I rushed to his bedside and I would have stayed the night except his nurse urged me to go home and get some rest. She said that he will choose whether he wants to die alone or with us nearby. Well, he waited for us to return the next morning, and who came thru the door with had Dad, but my granddaughter. I told her that Grandpa was dying and asked if she was sure she wanted to be there. She assured me that she knew and she wanted to be there with us. She sat at his bedside singing sweetly like an angel. Lee was coma-like at this point, yet struggling for every breath. I kissed him, told him I loved him and will always love him, and I assured him that we were all okay. I then told him that when God came for him, he should go with God. He drew one more breath, reached out with his right arm, and fell back on his bed as his granddaughter sang him into heaven. It was very peaceful. See how the memories come flooding back. How is your family? Do you see them often? Let me know how you are doing. Love, Judy > Judy, are you and your granddaughter still close, and spend lots of time > together? [quoted text clipped - 98 lines] >> > > on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my >> > > life." > I then told him that when God came > for him, he should go with God. He drew one more breath, reached out with > his right arm, and fell back on his bed as his granddaughter sang him into > heaven. It was very peaceful. if there was any time you call it a "good death", that sure sounded like one. and your granddaughter was very wise for her age. see, you *do* have things to share! please *do* return. Thank you so much, Dennis. I told that story because it changed my whole outlook on death. Yes, this was a "good death". My husband, who suffered with AD for 9-10 years, went thru many phases. The beginning was a horror, and I sadly observe that there is not much change in that area today, many years later. I remember the feelings at the early stage, before knowing what was wrong with him, just knowing that he was behaving "crazy", doing "crazy" things with our money, driving "crazy", knowing we had to take away his car, and then his bicycle, asking the dr who diagnosed him with AD whether he should be driving, and the dr replying: "Well, his reflexes are good!", and as I hung up the phone, thinking to myself: "Yes, Mr. Doctor, but what about his judgement?" We need drs to prescribe meds to calm them down, perhaps render them comotose so whatever facility they may be in can "handle" them, but when it comes to knowing our LO, I believe we take precedence over the dr. I knew right after that phone call, that I was going to have to respect my own gut feelings in addition to whatever the dr was advising. At the end stage, I knew it was time to lovingly let go of my Lee because he stopped smiling. Regards, Judy >> I then told him that when God came >> for him, he should go with God. He drew one more breath, reached out with [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > see, you *do* have things to share! please *do* return. > Thank you so much, Dennis. I told that story because it changed my whole > outlook on death. Yes, this was a "good death". My husband, who suffered [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > Regards, > Judy Hi Judy, I remember you! You were posting here about the same time Ida was first diagnosed. Hope you have been doing well and nice to see you here again! :-)  SignatureBest Regards, Evelyn (to reply personally, remove 'sox') Thank you all for this whole thread! :-) |
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