Loving Deceptions

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Ronny 1 - 13 Feb 2005 08:02 GMT

I really like the article on this webpage!:-)
http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/articles/pam.htm

Like tonight Mom wanted to know where the baby was? A good while back I
didn't know how to handle that since there was no baby! But she thought
there was. Sometimes,at first,I would just tell Mom there was no
baby;but then saw that would upset her as she "knew" there was! And she
was worried about the baby. So later when Mom asked where the baby was I
would just tell her that it was at my oldest sisters and that she was
taking care of the baby today or tonight so Mom could get some rest and
sleep. And so far this works. Mom calms down on the baby part since she
is sure her oldest daughter is taking care of it just fine. :-) And
that's what the lady on the webpage I posted calls loving deception.

Now my Mom is 84 years old and just the other day she told me she didn't
think she would be having any other babies. :-) I agreed with her that
that was probably right! LoL

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Evelyn Ruut - 13 Feb 2005 12:46 GMT

>I really like the article on this webpage!:-)
> http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/articles/pam.htm
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
> think she would be having any other babies. :-) I agreed with her that
> that was probably right! LoL

Hi Ronny,

My mother in law had the delusion of having had a baby also. We thought
she got the idea into her head because we told her that her only
granddaughter had recently had a baby, and we somehow thought it might be
nice for her to understand that she was now a great grandmother.

Instead she grasped the part about there being a baby, and that it was
somehow related to her, and nothing in the world you could do or say would
make her understand it wasn't she herself that had the baby. She asked us
"Where's the baby?" over and over again. Nothing would make her understand
that the real baby was with its mother, because she imagined she herself was
the mother and someone was keeping her baby from her.

I thought she was unique in having that delusion at the time, but I guess it
is a more common delusion than I realized, because in the nursing home they
have a lot of baby dolls, and the old ladies enjoy holding them.

Signature

Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox")

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Jo Ann Malina - 14 Feb 2005 07:55 GMT

Evelyn Ruut <mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com> is alleged to have said:

> I thought she was unique in having that delusion at the time, but I guess it
> is a more common delusion than I realized, because in the nursing home they
> have a lot of baby dolls, and the old ladies enjoy holding them.

My friends brought their new puppy over tonight. The poor thing slept
through the visit, because the kids had been running it around the park.
It was nice to see it sleeping in my mother's lap while she stroked it.
I wish I were up to taking care of a dog, because I think it would do
her some good to have one here. Providing she didn't kill it feeding
it people food all day...

No baby delusions. Sometimes she asks if there isn't someone missing,
and I say, no, we're the only two who live here. She says she isn't
thinking of my Dad, who she knows to be dead, so I'm not sure who's
missing. Not a baby, anyway.

Signature

Jo Ann Malina, make spamthis best to find my address
Animals are such agreeable friends -- they ask no questions, they
pass no criticisms. -- George Eliot, _Scenes of Clerical Life_

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Lee - 14 Feb 2005 16:39 GMT

we have a dog...is/was my MILs ... she's no longer able to take care of him
though... and most of the time doesn't even recognize him now ... she'll ask
where this dog came from, and where hers is ..... and she often thinks we
have a whole bunch of dogs ... just like there are more than one of me.

It's kind of an interesting logic ... if she sees someone - or the dog - in
the living room ... then later in the bedroom or kitchen or wherever ... in
her mind, they're still where she saw them last AND wherever she now is.
House gets very full sometimes!

> Evelyn Ruut <mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com> is alleged to have said:
> > I thought she was unique in having that delusion at the time, but I guess it
[quoted text clipped - 12 lines]
> thinking of my Dad, who she knows to be dead, so I'm not sure who's
> missing. Not a baby, anyway.

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Gwen Love - 13 Feb 2005 21:47 GMT

Ronny, there are many times that a loving deception will save the day!
Gwen

> I really like the article on this webpage!:-)
> http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/articles/pam.htm
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
> think she would be having any other babies. :-) I agreed with her that
> that was probably right! LoL

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Jo Firey - 14 Feb 2005 18:42 GMT

One of my mother's last concerns as she got worse was me. When my sister
would visit she would worry over who was looking after me. (Its been more
than 55 years since I needed looking after) I believe it was a remnant
from when she was very ill and in the hospital for weeks shortly after I was
born.

Jo

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Evelyn Ruut - 14 Feb 2005 19:22 GMT

>>I really like the article on this webpage!:-)
>> http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/articles/pam.htm
[quoted text clipped - 21 lines]
>
> Jo

Jo, this is such a sad disease to have.

My mother in law remembered all sorts of things from her youth and told us
so much early on, but later she lost even that.

Signature

Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox")

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Mary_Gordon@tvo.org - 14 Feb 2005 19:48 GMT

I can totally relate to "echoes" of maternal heart attacks over the
safety of children.

Nothing compares with the worry a parent goes through, and the pains we
all take to make sure kids are looked after, particularly if we can't
do it ourselves. It is such a huge responsibility, and so traumatic and
angst ridden when we think we've dropped the ball - no wonder its the
subject of late life nightmares as our grasp on reality starts to slip.

Mary G.

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Dennis P. Harris - 15 Feb 2005 03:49 GMT

> I can totally relate to "echoes" of maternal heart attacks over the
> safety of children.
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> angst ridden when we think we've dropped the ball - no wonder its the
> subject of late life nightmares as our grasp on reality starts to slip.

when my mother took her final turn for the worse, my brother was
out of town (he works week on/week off as a purser on our state
ferries), and she kept saying that she wanted ALL her children.
even after he came home, she kept asking if everyone was OK.

one of the things that hospice helps with is what to say to the
dying person, like telling them that it's OK to let go or to
leave, or that everyone is safe. my last words to her about 2
minutes before she died was that all her children and
grandchildren were safe (and that it was OK to go to where my
father and her mother were).

before i told her that, she had been trying to curl up, as if she
was trying to get into the fetal position. when i told her that
everyone was safe, she really relaxed. i walked out of the room
and a few seconds later my sister called for all of us to come,
right after her heart had stopped.

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Gwen Love - 15 Feb 2005 03:13 GMT

Jo, nice to see you here. Don't believe I've seen you post here before.
Gwen

> >I really like the article on this webpage!:-)
> > http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/articles/pam.htm
[quoted text clipped - 21 lines]
>
> Jo

Reply to this Message

Jo Firey - 15 Feb 2005 04:02 GMT

> Jo, nice to see you here. Don't believe I've seen you post here before.
> Gwen

I was searching the newsgroups for information and reminders of DonnaH and
this thread struck a chord. My mother died of Alzheimer's a little over a
year ago.

Jo

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Adelle - 15 Feb 2005 19:37 GMT

Welcome, Jo,

This is a quiet little place, compared to ASArth.

Sorry your mom had this, too. My FIL died of dementia about 3 years ago.
It's really a lousy way to go. In a way, DonnaH at leasst had the blessing
of a quicker end. And the legacy she left was amazing.
Adelle

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Gwen Love - 15 Feb 2005 21:32 GMT

And my heart is still breaking over losing her. Though I never met her in
person, we talked on the phone, emailed, and sent things to each other. I
really considered her my friend. I will so miss her.
Gwen

> Welcome, Jo,
>
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> of a quicker end. And the legacy she left was amazing.
> Adelle

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Adelle - 16 Feb 2005 14:13 GMT

> And my heart is still breaking over losing her. Though I never met her in
> person, we talked on the phone, emailed, and sent things to each other. I
> really considered her my friend. I will so miss her.

I'm so sorry, Gwen. Wish there was some way to comfort you.

I didn't really know Donna that well, other than from the NG's, so while
there is sadness, there isn't the very deep personal loss. It was obvious
she was warm, kind and generous. And very funny.

Adelle

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